PC

I don’t know… I really do think there’s a lot that goes into a relationship. And I don’t think things fall apart due to the missing 1%. Maybe I’m wrong. It seems to me that when we start to feel as if some one thing is missing, it gets us thinking about the other things that must also be lacking. And pretty soon, things suck.

  Alfie

My only argument with this is that the mutual passion, lust, whatever, would surely amount to much more than one percent – more like ten to twenty. That makes all the difference.

  Another Suburban Mom

Absolutely not. My mom always said, “Life is too short to spend it with someone who is bad in bed. You want intellectual stimulation-join a book club.”

  Bunny

While all marriages require work, you have to work a whole lot harder when that 1% is missing. I know. I’m working my ass off to make it go even with that something missing, though I think my something is more than 1%. People say “you should be happy with what you have – it’s more than some others have” but that isn’t terribly comforting.

  Stiletto Reflections

I think I agree with PC. I think as long as that 1% isn’t LOVE that is missing, it can work out. I admit that I’m pretty close to that 1% and he’s right that you start looking for other things that are missing as well. Even if they’re not. I have endo and it makes my libido suck, but I WISH my sex life was better. I ache for it. Despite my 1%, I’m still married after 17yrs with the same person. That means pushing myself sexually even if I’m not ‘feeling’ it all the time. Passion doesn’t always have to refer to the bedroom. It can include the heart & its deep down love for someone too.

  Vixen

PC- ok. But *any* 1%. The one percent that contains the mutual passion/lust/sex.

As I said, OTHER areas that might be lacking, I think can be worked around, lived with.

But I see your point and think you might be right, once you start thinking about the one thing missing it can lead to you searching (sometimes too hard) for *other* things that might be missing as well.

  Vixen

Alfie- I think you are absolutely right. Bc mutual passion/lust/sex is *HUGE*, and probably equates to much more than a measly 1%.

  Vixen

ASM- LOL Fabulous advice!

  Vixen

Bunny- hmm….yeah, good insight. Thank you (((you)))

  Vixen

SR- very true. Good point… :)

  breve

That is a huge 1%….I would have to say no. Sex is a huge part of the total package…it is the ultimate expression of intimacy…I know what it is like to have that missing…I think you would grow to resent that you are not getting what you need. I have resolved that in future relationships…sexual compatibility is a must!!! We don’t both like to fish, knit or watch football…but we both have to LOVE to fuck (to put in crudely)

  Dixie

The first time I married, the 1% was not there, but the other 99% rocked. The second time, it was there, but it has disappeared. If I let myself dwell on it, it makes me really sad. I would feel so selfish if I tore my family apart in search of the 1%.

  Chef Troll

I’ve never come close to 99% on the “other stuff”. If She was really that perfect in every other way, I guess I could live with 1% being so/so.

  Dana

Hmmmm … passion/lust/sex …

Well, I say that in my life, those are nice things (which are currently lacking) however they are not a dealbreaker for me. Now intimacy (not necessarily sex) is a HUGE issue.

I’d like to think that I am not so shallow that if something happened to the sexual side of a relationship (say, due to illness or injury), that I wouldn’t just throw my hands up and say, “That’s it!”

Most of us – when we make those vows – indicate that our commitment is strong through the good and the bad. Sure, there are some exceptions to that, but I think (generally) it has become far too easy to just walk away than to work through the difficulties.

  Vixen

Dana- I think I was tying ‘intimacy’ with that 1%. Bc you are right, I think I would feel the same way. Bad, no, little sex would be difficult. But no intimacy or affection? Deal breaker (for me).

  hubman

If love/intimacy/sex is a “huge” thing, I would guess that it’s more than 1%!

If love/intimacy/sex really is only 1% of the relationship, that is, it means very little to someone, they could live without it.

  Karl

Good Afternoon Vixen,

Mutual passion/intimacy/sex is much more than 1%. 1% issues are things you live with, loss of passion is so much more.

  Professor Fate

Yes, it is possible to have a 99% relationship. Most relationships don’t come anywhere near 99%. Everyone makes trade-offs. Maybe you choose a him over a her. Maybe you don’t go to church every weekend. Maybe you sell your gun or allow one into your home. Maybe you have another baby. Maybe you stay home. Maybe you sleep alone because she travels. Maybe you get less PDA than you’d like. The ‘maybe’ list is endless, but everyone in a relationship makes these trade-offs every day. I think that 85% is about as good as it gets.

“Mutual passion/lust/sex” is way more than 1% for me right now (when I get older-50 or 60 or 70 or 80 maybe it won’t be as important then). If it isn’t there, the relationship will not survive. I was married for 3+ years after the sex and intimacy stopped. The marriage lasted as long as it did because of the children (a whole lot of trade-off).

  Professor Fate

I started my post earlier this morning and just got around to pushing the “post” button. Everyone seems to have made my “it is way more than 1%” point, sorry for being redundant.

  Vixen

Prof Fate- the consensus does seem to be that that 1% is actually much more than that. But I appreciate your point of view and thoughts. So I don’t think you were redundant. You were just in agreement with what others have said.

  Nolens Volens

I’ll summarize my “thoughts” into one sentence. There is no such thing as perfect person or marriage or relationship. If you ARE willing to live with that 1%, then you ARE in bliss.

  Big Kahuna

Good CQW This week – This was a common argument in my past marriage (Is that all you think of?). My ex could not understand that if the 99% was good then why did I need the 1% (Sex/Intimacy/Physical Closeness).

After 15 years and multiple addictions to combat my unhappiness, I was able to learn that for me I could not live without the 1%, since for me it is more than 1% of my needs. It is not 100% (as I was accused of) or not even 50%, but physical intimacy is my primary love language and I cannot be the man I wish to be without it.

  BTExpress

I, like some others, think that mutual passion/lust/sex compatibility is way more than 1% of a relationship. Without it, I don’t see why a couple would even get married or stay married. Things like tossing your socks on the floor or not putting a glass in the dishwasher are more like the 1% things. Those can be worked out or tolerated and make a relationship work.

  Lynn

You CANNOT show me a photo like that AND ask me to think. Seriously? :)

Great pic!

  Paul

If 1% is enough to give up on a relationship, then it’s not 1%. I think if you’re giving up based on something that you’ve given a value of 1% then you’ve either miscalculated its value, or you’re way too idealistic.

  Vixen

Paul- agreed. I think we all came to the conclusion through the discussion that it’s really *not* 1%…it’s much *MUCH* more.