CMW

My thoughts are more on what you said about you and PC. You’re not willing to share him, but he has to be willing to share you?

Doesn’t that make you kind of a hypocrite?

I understand how you feel. My husband and I have talked about an open marriage, but I couldn’t get past the not wanting to really share him. It was more about me being able to explore my bi-sexual side. But when I was talking about it with a friend, she told me, the exact same thing. “You’re a hypocrite, if you want them to share you, but aren’t willing to do the same”.

  Hubman

Well, since my wife IS bi, it’s #3 for me!

She has the freedom to go out and play with a girlfriend without me, if they so desire. Of course, I never turn down the invitation to join them *wink wink*

[Even if it's just to watch, btw. I LOVE watching my wife with another woman...]

  Stiletto Reflections

Well, I was more intrigued by you & PC too & have to echo CMW’s. I think what saves you is that PC doesn’t want to play around with anyone else. My question is back to you tho – would you be with JUST PC if he asked? No matter *what* you guys have discussed or did in the past, if it ever got to be too much for him, how would you feel about being just with him forever? OR – if he said, you can play if I can play too, what would be your response? (I have a feeling he never would make you do that, but if he DID…)
BTW – I think my answer to your blog question (lol) would have to depend on WHO it was, lmfao.

  Professor Fate

I am probably gone. If I have invested the time necessary to move someone from a person of interest to a significant other, I better not have “just found out” about on-going sexual relationship. Best case, that means there has been some serious lies of omission. There are probably some lies of commission as well.

Honesty, not necessary *complete* honesty, is a necessary foundation for me when in a relationship.

Could I become involved with a girl who also liked girls? Yes, but it isn’t about a single trait it is about the person.

  vixen kitten

I’m going with #3. Of course, I’d like to think that I am approachable and open enough that it wouldn’t be hidden from me in the first place.

I LOVE bi men. In my opinion, they are usually just far more in touch with themselves and their sexuality than straight men are.

~vk~

  Chef Troll

I remain mystified by the term “significant other”. If it was my WIFE, I’d call the lawyer.
Come take today’s TROLL POLL and your comment might wind up in a book!

  Vixen

CMW- I’m not sure I would use the word ‘hypocrite’. He doesn’t *HAVE* to do anything, he doesn’t *HAVE* to share me. It’s a choice he makes, that he is ok with. It is something we talked about BEFORE we even went down a road romantically. He knew what he was getting into with me. As I knew what I was getting into with him.

I get that you and your so wouldn’t be ok with such an arrangement. But it works for us. And we’re the ones in the relationship. So that is really all that matters. Not what others think about us or our arrangement.

  Vixen

Hubman- that is a pretty huge turn on. I agree. ;)

  Vixen

Vk- me too! I totally agree with what you said about bi men :)

  Vixen

SR- It would really have to be path we crossed if we came to it. I fell in love with PC, I chose to be with him and marry him. And I think if he *forced* me to choose, I would choose him. But. It’s not what our relationship is or ever has been.

If he were to change in the blink of an eye I would probably have some issues. After all, that is kind of what became in my last marriage. Things were ok, and then they weren’t. And he was mad about them.

And if I felt forced to let him be with someone else, I would have to explore those feelings further. I’d want him to be happy.

That didn’t really answer anything did it? But it was all hypothetical anyways, lol.

  breve

#5 I knew it! ROFL!!

Funny, but when the Ex did tell me about the first series of his indiscretions, he took my hand, said he really loved me, but…….and inside my head I finished his sentence, “I am gay.” Okay, he did not confess that but it was in my mind. Cheating is cheating to me…deception is not tolerated, so it makes no difference if he was screwing a man, woman, or goat…..HOWEVER, I would have had fun with a confession of homosexuality because the Ex is one of the biggest homophobs I know!

  Nolens Volens

I’m willing to share my wife. ;) She wants me to have an experience with a man tho and I’m simply not interested.

  Sage

Well my very first thought would be “daddy just got a lifetime get outta jail free card”!!!! (regardless if it was a dude or a chick she was with)

My second, if it was a chick, (following the first one very very closely) would be 3-someeeeeeeee!!!

I’d have no problems, I don’t think, decisions are easy to make though outside of the moment, but I don’t think I’d have any problem.

  Biscuit

I lived this, and my reaction was “If you love me, then it’s okay.” I kind of didn’t get that he wanted to actually *be* with guys. How slow am I? It took a couple of days for him to say very plainly that he wanted a divorce, and a couple more for me to realize that the guy who had been calling the house for a few weeks claiming to be a co-worker was not, in fact, someone from the office. I think eventually I would have been so suspicious that I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

So, if it happened now, with my current husband (that sounds like I plan on having another, but I don’t know how else to say it), I would freak the fuck out! No way I could tolerate it. Which is unfair, because I want for him to have a different attitude about me.

  Vixen

Biscuit- thank you for your honest input. It’s insightful to have it from the other stand point.
xo

  d

interesting answers. i want to thank vixen for posting the question. i think i got a total of 1 response on my site. guess if i had a smoking hot body like vixen’s or her fantastic personality, i could probably get more readers. but no one wants to read a fat old man’s blog. :)

anyway, my answer to my own question would be #3 at first, then i think it might turn to #5. i think i’m a pretty good and considerate lover. it would start making me second guess myself and wonder what it is that i’m not giving her. but i think if there was any chance of expanding our sex life with her lover, i could get over #5 pretty quickly.

  PC

First of all, I do not fall into the category of “bi-men”, not that I have a problem with those who do.

As Vixen stated, I offered to let her hook up and have playmates. In fact, I found her her current playmate. None of this was asked or demanded of me. I recognized early on that this was a part of who she is. So, rather than change her, I accepted her as is and am supportive.

As crazy as that sounds, I don’t feel as if I only have a portion of her. I feel as if I share in all of her. She doesn’t run around cheating. I don’t have to be a control freak. Life is good and we’re deeply in love.

Having said all that, despite things I have been accused of in the past, I am a one woman person. I don’t think I can process or handle having another relationship. It’s too much for me. I give everything I have to this one. I don’t have anything to share with others in this fashion.

Sure we talk about kinky possibilities. Some talks are fun, some strange, some scary. But we find a way to use all of this as a means of foreplay. That’s spicy enough for me.

So based on this, I think you have an idea of what I’d feel about the actual question. I don’t care if she’s with another woman. I would care if she cheated behind my back. That would suggest she didn’t trust me with it. That’s the extent of it. At the end of the day, I want her to be happy. And I want to help her to hit that goal.

  TUG

You’re a good man. I like what you said in the 2nd paragraph. That says a lot about you and your relationship.

  latenightsinboulder

If it was a drunken one time thing, my answer is definetly 3 (that has actually happened, and that was my reaction. She called me up and told me the next day (I was out of town). If it was an ongoing thing, I would be upset, simply because of the honesty thing. Why would she hide it, unless she had something to hide, you know what I’m saying. I am not generally the jealous type, and the only times in my life I’ve ever been jealous, it always turned out to be justified. I am turned on by the thought of her with another woman, or even a man, but not if she’s hiding it. She feels the same way about me.
And I think 1) most woman are turned on by the thought of bi men just like men are about women
2) more men are bicurious than ever admit it!

  Regin

I answered it in full on my own LiveJournal, but the short reply is option #2.