Comments on: Confronting the ‘other woman’ -CQW

By: sexychocolate

sexychocolate — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:08:36 +0000

Tonight I got her number and was going to e right now. My actions are call her, but I’m glad I first went on the internet googled and stumbled on your site. he’s been meeting up with. I agree with most posts though, esp biscuit because I would never have considered myself a snoop but communication between us have broeken down badly and I wanted to see if what i was suspecting was real or if I had gone crazy. Well, my actions are controlling I agree and its not working :) confessions. I felt so anxious though buto thanks t mo you all, I’ll act more maturely with all these emotions to all your feedback, I’ll step back and de

By: katie

katie — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:52:59 +0000

I never like going above or beyond the person involved in order to get to the route of the problem-I say go to the source.

By: Another Suburban Mom

Another Suburban Mom — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 02:40:48 +0000

I would only contact the woman if she was someone who knew me and Hubman and of our relationship.

By: M

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 23:41:11 +0000

Well, although I have been in this situation as the wife, I still don’t know what I think about it.

I chose to not confront the wife, but to confront her husband. I honestly felt sorry for him because we were in the same situation.

I took so much shit from Z for going about it the way I did.

If I had to do it different, I honestly don’t know what I’d do. I do know that if I had only talked to Z about it, I would have never known the true depth of the affair he had and how much he honestly loved her.

On one hand, I’m glad that I confronted the husband which in turn, made the other woman talk to me. On the other, I wish I had just had the balls to just leave him then and this last year would have never happened. My kids would not have seen him get violent and well, a lot of things.

Okay, so my fingers just spewed and I really didn’t make a point. So, my point is, I would say it’s best to not bring the other woman into it. But then again, it could lead to lies and manipulating and you staying with someone who will only hurt you over and over again.

By: Tom

Tom — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:31:39 +0000

I was involved in an extramarital affair and the husband of the woman I was seeing felt compelled to contact my wife in the misguided spirit of “misery loves company”. I agree with you, Vixen; attempting to control the other person is superfluous. My marriage had already failed and my wife and I were on the verge of separating even before he called her. I believe you confront the spouse and, if the relationship is still important to both partners, she can break the contact

By: breve

breve — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:52:37 +0000

Interesting topic since I have been the wife in a marriage rife with infidelity. Some comments here made me cringe, but I agree with Biscuit. You never know how you will react. Hypothetically I would have said that I would have kicked a cheating husband out on the curb….in reality, I did not. I never contacted anyone of his ‘girlfriends’ until the last….and this woman was supposedly just a platonic friend. I did not think about calling her until phone was in my hand…oh and btw, her husband had called me sharing the great news…and her phone number. Not even sure now what I said to her….In all honestly those days are a cloud of confusion and chaos; I was running on rage and adrenaline. I had kept silent about the other affairs, but the last time I was PISSED and no longer had any desire to protect his reputation.

By: Ms.Lily

Ms.Lily — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:35:26 +0000

Hi Sweetie,
I am lucky, we both trust each other and don’t feel a need to look at each others phones, emails, etc. We share every thing so there really isn’t a need. But if it were to ever happen, he would be to blame, he is the one who has made a commitment to me, so I would definitely be taking it up with him.

By: sexie sadie

sexie sadie — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:01:02 +0000

Controlling behavior begets rebellion. True, too, that some people just cheat. But, blaming the other woman is unproductive. I have been the “other” woman and believe me, if a guy (or a woman for that matter) is hell bent on cheating, they will do so with whomever they can find who is willing. Since Hubby and I are in an Open Marriage, his version of cheating on me would mean he slept with someone and didn’t tell me. Confronting the other woman makes no sense. She couldn’t answer the many questions I would have. Only he could.

Btw, LOVE your new header!!!

xoxox~Sadie

By: figleaf

figleaf — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 22:24:43 +0000

Cool post, Vixen, and a nice attitude. Good comments here as well.

You might want to take a look at Lilith of Evil Slutopia who also wrote recently about platonic friends of the opposite sex who’ve been expected to drift away from her when they get into new relationships.

Take care,

figleaf

By: Professor Fate

Professor Fate — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 22:01:20 +0000

If you don’t trust your spouse or SO, even if they don’t deserved to be trusted, the relationship isn’t a very healthy relationship.

I didn’t confront they other person. I confronted my spouse. I might as well have confronted one of the Nigerian princes that want my help moving millions of dollars to my bank account for all the good it did me.