13messages

I dread the day.

  Chef Troll

My solution for all Generation Yo! kids is sending them to an uber-tough Military School.

If the parents can’t afford that, I side with the Dad. If she’s 13, she needs to made to understood that it’s time for her to stop “acting out” when her bad decisions have bad consequences. If she’s closer to 18 and still does that, it’s a serious serious problem.

  Dana

Ummm … let me tell you this is more serious of an issue than just acting out and you don’t want to know how I know (although you can probably guess)

You see, not only is there an issue here of “public humiliation”, but if the girl is under 18, it *can* be considered “manufacture of/distribution of child pornography”

I know … sounds a little excessive, but I (unfortunately) have some personal teen experience with this one.

Girl AND boy need to understand the ramifications of this type of behavior.

  NY Diva

Yeah, what Dana said. :) I know it wasn’t the focus of your question, but I’d really like to know what happens to the boy in all of this. He deserves just as much punishment, whatever that punishment might be.

  PC

It’s a tough situation, but I don’t think grounding her solves anything. It does, however, present a challenge with respect to how to get her past being traumatized. If that’s the worse thing to happen to her, that’s nothing. In fact, she could probably learn a lot from it. And that should really be the goal of the parents in the wake of such an incident.

On top of that, I could envision some clandestine ops to “encourage” the boy to never do such a thing again. I’m good at encouraging people.

  MinorityReport

I’m not a parent but I’ve been working with teens for almost 8 years now. They really don’t (seem to) think. There are actually studies being conducted to look at the development of the teenage brain. It seems the ability to plan and reason is still under construction in the teen years. If your curious: http://www.choicesaz.org/resources/brain_development/

I think the best thing to do (at home and at school) is to try to prevent this type of thing from happening with detailed explanations of consequences (legal, personal, social, etc) for this type of thing. Preventing the mess in the first place is easier. No one an un-see a picture.

In this particular situation, Dana actually took the words out of my mouth when she mentioned child pornography. (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28679588/) I think each teen in this situation need to be made aware of the possible serious legal consequences of their actions (to try to prevent it from happening again).

I would probably side with the mother of the girl and feel the public embarrassment was punishment enough, but I could see myself taking away some of the girl’s unsupervised time until the trust is restored. As for the boy, maybe a private and public apology to the girl is in order? And/or some type of volunteer work that ties into his actions so that some learning can come from it all? I also see some type of grounding, loss of freedoms/privileges in the kid’s future. Too conservative?

Good luck parents. I don’t envy you.

  frenchies

I am also a firm believer that children need parents NOT friends. So there is no way I would just let it slide with out some form of punishment. I too would be going after the boy involved.

And I’m pretty sure that there is no easy solution to this problem each child must be handled as an individual. But the poor choice ultimately was her’s, she was not raped, she found the biggest jerk in school to sleep with, and she allowed him to take the pictures, so SHE must deal with all repercussions of her choices.

As a parent I would offer to find her some counseling but I am not forcing her into anything, these are and always will be her choices. Acting out is also her choice, and each tantrum she has will result in more consequences.

I have taught my daughter even at the age of 8 life is all about the choices you make. Some will be good some will be bad but no matter what it is you who gets to pick the choice. So make sure it is a choice you are proud to talk about or have a good reason for thinking it would be.

I dread thinking of my baby bug as a teenager. I dread it!

  Vixen

Chef Troll- she is about 17, a junior I believe.

  Vixen

Dana- I agree. The boy, surprisingly, never suffered any consequences. But I think that might have something to do with the fact the girl didn’t ever call him out particularly.

  Vixen

PC- if this had happened to our daughter, I would most definitely think some ‘encouraging’ from you was necc. ;)

  Vixen

Frenchies- I should prob clarify that the boy and girl didn’t have sex. She was very drunk at a party (I forgot to mention that part), he prob had been drinking too, when they ‘hooked up’ and the picture was taken.

I agree with what you said about ‘choices’. We all make them, some are good, some are bad. And then have to deal with ramifications/consequences of them.

  Professor Fate

I have a teenage girl (and another about to be). This is not something I have faced and hope not to face, but these 21st century kids have their very own set of twists and turns.

These need to be treated as separate issues. Life is filled with times you have been wronged and making a scene is not a solution.

The girl “acting out” is a problem and needs to be addressed. That is a family thing and every family has a different “tradition” of punishments. I might ground, Dana may take away a cell phone, Frenchies may use some community service though the church and you/PC may have some unpleasant farm chores. She needs to understand that her behavior is wrong and there isn’t a reason or excuse that make it right.

The boy taking pictures is wrong and needs to be punished. The boy sharing the pictures is wrong and needs to be punished. That will not undo her shame and humiliation, but he needs to know that you being an asshole has consequences in life. If his parents will not cooperate, there are legal authorities and lawsuits.

  matt

Being the father of a 5 year old girl whom I hold very close to my heart, I too dread the teenage years to come. My heart tells me to be compassionate to her and support her in her time of pain, but my “daddy side” says to implement some form of punishment for her actions, i.e. grounding, loss of cell phone, etc. My “daddy side” also says to hunt him down and teach him a thing or two about respect for women, especially my daughter. I too can be very persuasive. *shakes fist angrily*

  Joker_SATX

This is a very good question. My father has always taught me to be “Street Smart”. To me, this is a lost art form.

I had a similar conversation with my 14 year old daughter who is dating now. And she tells me, “Oh Dad, you are being paranoid! Chad would never do that to me.”

I countered with “Yeah? And your mom and I who are now happily divorced were supposed to live together happily ever after.”

I reminded her that you just never know and to always keep an eye out.

I sometimes wonder if it gets through…I guess we will just have to find out through time.

  sexie sadie

Well, public/peer humiliation already has devastating consequences. She will likely carry with her the effects of that for a loooong time. Punishment enough, I think.

I am taking a psychology course on adolescent development. I learned recently MANY kids her age don’t have the capacity in their brains to have foresight for such consequences, depending on where they are in their personal stage of development (everyone is different). So, I think she isn’t necessarily acting out (hard to say), but could have just gotten caught up in the moment. Teenagers take their clothes off. Cameras are ubiquitous now. It’s bound to happen.

And THIS is why there needs to be some global sex-education system in place that teaches adolescents the ramifications of these types of behaviors. Their world is significantly different from the world just 10 years ago. Relevant education (for instance, what Dana mentioned) of the types of consequences that their actions could produce, beyond just pregnancy and STD’s is CRUCIAL. It always has been, but it seems today, even more so.

xo~Sadie