Settling for prince charming ~CQW
posted by: Vixen
(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love tho hear from you!)
My topic today is about finding true love vs settling for second best. Which ironically I had qued for this week before this weeks TMI questions. ‘Jane’ was in love with a man that from the moment she met him, she knew he was ‘THE ONE’. There were sparks, amazing sex, she loved him with all her heart. Their relationship took some strange turns and they ended up parting ways. That was five years ago. She has since met another man and is now engaged. He is a wonderful, supportive man that she knows loves her and will provide her with a great life. But…..she doesn’t feel the sparks that she did with the other man. She was struggling with whether she should stay with him despite the lack of ’sparks’, knowing that he is a really great man who will treat her well. What she feels would be settling but thinks many women do. Or break it off and continue looking for sparks and someone who feels more like ‘THE ONE’. Possibly even try to get back together with the man from five years ago that she did feel those sparks with, that felt like ‘THE ONE’.
Before you form your opinion anymore than it has, there is more. She did decide to break up with her fiancee. In the end she felt she was being unfair to him. That he should have someone who loves him as much as he loves her. BUT, the kicker is he is very upset. Not for the reasons you might think though. He isn’t upset that she doesn’t love him as much as she felt she should, or that she felt as if she were unfairly (to both of them) settling. He is upset that she didn’t give him a chance. He continues to try to get her back, he wants them to stay together to try to work it out. He thinks she will grow to love him. So now she is very torn as to what to do.
What do you think she should do????
(credit: I bring a lot of topics from the afternoon show of my radio station to CQW. Many of the issues they bring up have an
interesting response from their callers but usually what is said here in my comments is much more intriguing)
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Ten years ago today (how did *that* happen!?) a beautiful, smart, incredibly caring little girl came into my life. Six weeks earlier than her due date I had a scheduled induction due to health issues. She has brought so much joy to my life. I’ve thought for days what I wanted to say or to post for her birthday…. And it came to me.
This was taken two weeks before LM was born. I was 32wks pregnant and treasuring LP and mine last days together. I have quite a few pics from this shoot framed through out my house and they are definitely some of my most favorites.
We spent the evening before baking homemade Strawberry cupcakes for her class. I’m going to bring her a special lunch (she chose Subway) to enjoy with her at school. Then after an early day of school (Weds is early dismissal) she has chosen to go race Go Carts. My girly-girl who enjoys to keep one foot in the tomboy pool. *LOL* I think afterwards we are treating her to dinner, somewhere undecided yet. It’s up to her. I guess we will be ’surprised’, which is not all that surprising considering it’s her. ~wink~
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Happy HUMP Day!!!
~ xo
Vixen
osbasso Says:
September 9th, 2009 at 12:47 am
Oh, that’s a lovely picture! Happy Birthday to the both of you!
Girly-girl with one foot in the tomboy pool. Hmmm…I wonder where she gets THAT from…?
btw–Lookie! I’m here!
Westcoast Weirdo Says:September 9th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Happy Birthday C!!
Professor Fate Says:September 9th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Happy Birthday, LM!!!!
CQW:
Maybe he thinks she is his “THE ONE.” Maybe he feels sparks. Maybe he thinks it is amazing sex. Maybe he loves her with all his heart.
The problem with unrequited adoration is that it usually doesn’t end well.
Why did her relationship with “THE ONE” end? If he was really the one wouldn’t they still be together? What is she forgetting? It wasn’t all sweetness and light. If it was they would still be together (she would have followed him or he wouldn’t have gone)*. Why is she carrying the ghost of a previous relationship with her into the new relationship? It isn’t fair to her and it isn’t fair to the new him. (I am no talking about lessons or life experiences, I am talking about comparing former lover to the current one.)
*I understand non break-up partings. My senior fling in college – LomL (Love of my Life). LomL was my first “grown-up” relationship. She gave long songs meaning. Everything about LomL was perfect except for our timing. She took a job with a grad school option 800 miles away. I helped her make that decision, because it was the right thing for her. We tried to make the long distance thing work but we were young and the distance helped us drift apart. Anytime LomL and I got together we clicked right back into “peas and carrots” mode. Five years later, I went to visit LomL to get over a nasty break-up. During that visit it was decided that we had never broken up. I had to dump her, she had been cheating on me.
LomL is now LomL Charming. She found her man. She is the mother of two wonderful boys. We talk a few times a year. Could we have gotten married path that was taken? No. Do I wonder “what if”? No. Successful relationships require the right people to be at the right places in their lives.
Yes, I do still love her. No she was not responsible for the collapse of the 3 year cohabitation relationship or my 14 year marriage.
Barefoot Dreaming Says:September 9th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Absolutely love your bottom pic ;)
What a fabulous tribute to a wonderful girl. She seemed so even tempered and good natured, I instantly loved her… Happy bday hun!
Chef Troll Says:September 9th, 2009 at 7:53 am
The question is too tough for me. But that is an outstanding birthday post and an AMAZING picture.
PC Says:September 9th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Happy birthday, C!
And Os, she gets that from me. ;)
As for CQW, I was amazed at the guy. What a masochistic loser. You were being all too kind about her. She flat out said on her original call and in her letter that she would dump her boyfriend if the old flame came back into the picture.
She should stick to her last decision. There’s nothing worse than being with someone while wishing every moment you were with someone else. Personally, I think she’s pretty shallow. But the guy she recently dumped is a bit too needy too. On the radio program, he struck me as a good candidate for Serial Killer U.
mamatulip Says:September 9th, 2009 at 8:52 am
I am embarrassed to say that it’s been so long that I’ve been here that I haven’t seen your new banner, which I LOVE.
I think Jane should stick to what she feels, in the end, is the best thing for HER. It’s her life…she’s the one who has to live it. You know?
I LOVE LOVE that picture of you and your beautiful girl – happy, happy birthday to her. And happy birth day to YOU, Mama!
Emmy Says:September 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Happy birthday to your beautiful girl! Love the pictures, btw – both of them.
As for your question, she should stick with her decision. I think she’s being torn because of her ex – not because of her heart. A very important distinction. :)
MinorityReport Says:September 9th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
CQW: I would argue that there’s more to a great relationship than sparks, but if she didn’t feel anything (love, sparks, interest…) with the fiance I think breaking it off with him was a good move. I’m not sure why the fiance would push so hard to be with a woman who was upfront about not loving him the same way.
Beautiful photo! Happy Birthday to your daughter. Sounds like a great day. :)
Elle Says:September 9th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I think they shouldn’t compare their love for each other. Meaning, she shouldn’t leave because she thinks she doesn’t love him as much as he loves her… How can you really quantify or compare such a thing?
If she felt happy with him, and loved him, that should be enough, no matter if he loved her “more”. Just like he shouldn’t leave her because he feels she loves him less than he does. I feel what’s important is how we feel about our partner. If said partner is happy enough to stay, why question it further? Or am I making no sense at all? :P
Wonderful picture with your girl, happy birthday to her!
Vixen Says:September 9th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Os- *whew* I’m glad you finally got in (the site, lol)
And yeah. There is barely a shred of tomboy in me. It’s from PC ;)
rage Says:September 9th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Not sure if your friend will ever be happy. She will never find the exact same qualities as she did in the one.
Furthermore, if it did not work out the first time with TO, then it probably won’t work out for some reason the second time. That just my opinion though.
Happy Birthday C…beautiful photo.
TUG Says:September 10th, 2009 at 12:23 am
If in doubt that much then she made the right decision. I have more to say about this topic, but I can’t put it here.
Happy Birthday to your sweet little girl. She is a doll. I guess she can have a cool birthday date as well :)
That picture of you two is precious.
Bat Says:September 10th, 2009 at 6:10 am
From somebody that finds himself in that exact situation, I think I can understand why he is upset. I too asked for “a chance”. I never understood that there was a problem. She made the decision without him. It was never “I need this” or “I can’t live without that”.
However, he should realize that often these people focus on what they do not have instead of what is standing right in front of them. She is probably doing him a favor.
PC Says:September 10th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Bat, I was in a 14 year relationship not being “the one”. I seriously though that my love and care would be enough. But eventually I simply ran out of gas trying to become the one.
wifegonebad Says:September 10th, 2009 at 10:21 am
She made the right decision, definitely. I know from being in that situation that you can’t (or I can’t) “grow in love” with someone just because they are a good person and love me – I wish I could.
But, on a brighter note, happy b-day to your daughter and great photos!