I agree completely with you. He needs to get over it.

Just to play devil’s advocate… It is possible he is simply worried about her and feels that something could happen to her if he is not there to protect her. In this case, I agree he should still “get over it” and be okay with her going, but at least it comes from a better place.

Curious Me echos Quicksilver. If I was with a ton of girls or had another guy in the party, he’d be fine with it…but just a few girls…he ‘trusts me but not other guys’ & worries I’m going to get drugged or raped, lol.

I agree with you. James is being insecure. However, I see Malorie as not really respecting the relationship either. James has to be called out on business. Marlorie doesn’t give a rats ass, she is going to the party..James, I guess it really sucks to be you! You go work…I will go off and party and not give your situation a second thought.

I think she should have taken the initiative and at least acknowledge James’ situation and see what compromises could have been made….

…its all about setting expectations.

I disagree with Vixen this time. I can think of several reasons for his stance that don’t involve being “immature”. Frankly, making going to a party alone dressed like a slut a life-priority while ignoring your spouse’s reservations is more likely a sign of immaturity. And selfishness.

Troll- I don’t see it that way at all. This is the biggest Halloween party in the state. They have been planning on going to it for months. All of their friends are going as well. Halloween comes *one* night a year. And two days before he finds out he can’t go, so she should now scrap all her plans and stay home by herself????

That makes no sense to me.

And having heard both sides on this, her bf’s reservations are completely selfish. I think it speaks loudly when he says “Fine, she can go, but wear something else”.

Curious Me/Roxy- IDK if it makes any difference to your opinion. But they were planning on going with a large group of friends. Those friends are all still going. So she wasn’t going to this big party, dressed the way she is, completely alone.

I too am with the “get over it” group. If the bf’s concern was her safety then he would just ask her to go with a friend, he’s not he’s asking her to not go and/or be less attractive. He’s being insecure and needs to deal with it. She should go wear what she had planned and have a wonderful time.

While reading it I was wondering if they were going with a group or not. Thank you for putting it in there. It does make a difference. If they were going by themselves and she was just going to the party not knowing any one. Then that would be wrong. Going with a bunch of friends… there’s nothing wrong with that at all. It sucks that he has to work, but her life shouldn’t come to an end because of it. It’s his job not hers. He just needs to get over it.

It would be more understandable if he hadn’t tried to restrict her outfit. Doesn’t he realize how hot it could be for him if she went without him? Don’t understand why that’s so difficult for some guys.

OK I am gonna chime in here cuz its easy..cuz I ain’t got shit goin on and I can be somewhat neutral.

1) The “Dress Less Sexy” demonstrates a lack of security maybe even trust. Really what is less sexy if the woman is already hot to begin with?

2)IT’s JUST A HALLOWEEN PARTY. I really don’t care if it is the biggest and best in the state or in the universe it is over in a night and no one will care by the end of the week. I say this because there is an old saying “Is this really the hill you want to die on?”Meaning is this so important she is willing to hang the future of the whole relationship on it?

3) Along the same lines of “It’s Just A Halloween Party” what is the purpose of going in a sexy Halloween costume? YouI get her wearing the super sexy costume when her husband is going to be there. The teasing all night, the titillation, the showing off, etc. Does the dynamic change when he is no longer there?

3) She seemed immature when compromise was off the table

4) He seemed immature when he acted like he couldn’t trust his companion on a group date hopefully full of a group of her best “cock-blockers” (google it if you do not know)

5)Finally, although this was not the issue mentioned I will comment on it because it was raised and it is valid. I would have a very real security concern in this day an age. It seems like whenever I hear about parties like this while the majority are relatively benign. There always seem to be “incidents”and I have to be honest I would trust her implicitly if I loved her, but there is no way I would trust half the tools that go to those things, and they can get pretty aggressive.

Ok there is my two cents…like I said easily deliverd cuz I dont have to worry about it

K- yes. It is just a Halloween party. One that she had been looking forward to going to. Which brings me back, why should she have to give up something she wants to do just bc he can’t go? It just makes no sense to me.

I think I’m hyper sensitive to this issue bc for a very large number of years I wasn’t “allowed” to do so many things bc my S/O didn’t want me to (READ: wouldn’t let me) w/o him. So I mean, what is next? He doesn’t ‘let’ her go on a girls vacation to Cancun? Or go out with her friends unless he’s with her?

Your #3- women dress for other women. To impress other women. Whether that woman is straight, bi, gay, whatever….women dress to impress other women. A good portion of the time. It’s a true fact. :)

#4- when you put THAT much time and energy putting together a fabulous costume, you don’t WANT to change your costume. She did actually finally tell him, if he could find her an equally fabulous costume, that she looked AND felt good in, that she would change costumes. And you know what? He couldn’t do that BECAUSE IT WAS TWO DAYS BEFORE HALLOWEEN. ;)

Thank you for your input though. And lol, I totally know what a cock-blocker is, my friends and I do it for each other all the time ;)

Here’s more info:

A bunch of her friends were going to the party. She was not going to be alone, amongst a bunch of wolves.

The boyfriend, not her husband, found out that her ex-bf was going to be there too. That’s the reason he wanted her to dress less sexy.

The bottom line is he didn’t trust her. It wasn’t about her safety. If it was, he’d just say don’t go. Or he would have voiced concerns over her safety on the radio. Instead, it was all focused on the ex-bf the girlfriend said she didn’t care about and had only recently learned was going.

The simple reality is that he was fine going when he could show off his trophy in front of people, including the possible ex and all her friends. To then deny her, her planning, her friends, etc. at the last minute is the epitome of selfishness and control. Frankly, she should have just dumped his ass right then and there.

The hard part of these things is trying to fill in all of the blanks. And I can appreciate that. But I listened to the call and the guy is a control freak. And with those kinds of guys, once they start, they don’t stop. It only gets worse.

If Vixen and I found ourselves in the same position, I would have happily told her to go. She’d still have a hotel room to stay the night close to the event. She’d have plenty of cash to take a cab there with her sister. And if she had to go out of town, I wouldn’t want to go. It’s about her. And I’m very comfortable with that.

For the boyfriend to suggest that she could simply get a new costume the day before the party is retarded. We spent a couple of months on our stuff. I suppose if she wanted to run to the store and get some dopey Casper costume, she could have. But it would have wrecked it for her. I’ve learned a long time ago, it’s all about the accessories with chicks. That kind of planning isn’t last second.

So… just saying.

You added more info into the equation ;)

This is why I love you. We’re so on the same page.

*swoon*

ok yeah..that changes everything…seriously.she needs to grab her parachute and jump!The little bit of extra information changes the scenario entirely such as he is BF and not husband, the ex-BF being there…etc etc

oh yeah..and you are kinda cute PC I think I will swoon for you too! :-)

Ummmmm…I forgot what my comment was going to be after I hit the picture!

xoxo
~vk~

PS….Dump James. He sounds like a waste of time.

I’m late to the party here, but my two cents, with the additional note that this was a planned event with friends, there is no reason she shouldn’t go.

I can understand to jealously factor (thanks to PC’s info), but she shouldn’t have her weekend spoiled by his work. Either they trust each other/have set boundaries or they don’t. If they don’t, then they’ve got bigger problems than sexy costume party.

Sam