Ms Scarlett

Tough situation for sure; but I think both Steve and Jen need to stay out of it. I think the heartbreaker should not have put Jen in the position of having to keep her secrets – that was unfair. Telling the male half of that relationship betrays two trusts, and doesn’t make anyone feel any better.

It will be a tough thing to watch unfold, but hopefully they can be there for both parties with sensitivity and empathy.

  WE'RE DOOMED

Silence is golden!

  PC

The problem is that nothing has been done yet. So the husband should continue with his plans. If the heartbreaker then decides to leave, that’s her choice. And she’d probably look pretty bad at that point.

  Haiku Master

Silence is Golden.
The whole thing could work out fine.
Thoughtful inaction.

Haiku Master and I are big believers in thoughtful inaction having worked in and studied Human Resources.

How many sane smart people tell their friends “I’m definately leaving him at precisely Midnight on Jan 31st, 2010″ and really mean they have their mind made up and will follow through no matter what?

Maybe Jen’s friend was, at least partly, venting.
And her husbands renewed efforts will have a positive effect.

  Westcoast Weirdo

I’d want Mike to come to me first with the info & then I could sorta feel the girl out, as her friend, try to tell her w/o revealing her husband’s plans that she should do it now, before her bday etc etc. Or that ‘what if’ her husband was planning this big birthday thing. If the girl was malicious & I really liked the guy as a friend, I might not be the girl’s friend anymore.

I might even pull the ‘you tell him before or I will’ card. If we liked them both the same though & she wasn’t being a bitch, we’d stay out of it. :)

I guess it just depends on which couple it was of our friends & how close we all were.

  Westcoast Weirdo

(P.S. – I was ‘sort of’ (along the same lines, but thankfully, not the exact) in the same situation where I told a close friend her husband was a shithead and more than likely cheating on her & it didn’t really get me anywhere & in the end, I thought I had lost her with my loud mouth, but I felt better with myself knowing I told her the truth & didn’t keep anything from her.
*Muah*

  Professor Fate

I agree with everyone. Just because she says she is leaving doesn’t mean she is leaving. Jewelry can be returned. Reservations can be canceled. “I can’t believe she actually did it” apologies can be made.

  Pepper

I do not agree that silence is golden. If feelings do not change, and it sounds like the heartbreaker has made her choice, then silence will do more harm than good. She should be an adult about this and talk to her husband and let him know how she feels. Yes, jewelry can be returned and reservations canceled…but that guy is going to feel like a complete ass if he goes to the trouble of doing all this for someone who doesn’t want to be with him.

  ~K

Oh yeah..as hard as it may be to watch…the third parties should stay the hell out of it. While I do agree Pepper that Steve is going to feel foolish its not up to the parties involved to prevent that in this case. It is part of Steve’s learning and life process to have to experience that situation and grow from it. IF IT HAPPENS AT ALL.

What if the reason she is going to drop him has to do with his lack of attention to her, or she doesn’t think he loves her. Then this event is the one that turns it all around? What if two friends intercede thinking they are doing a good thing, but in turn prevent an event that might have saved the relationship? No one can know, but I am sure if it turned out to be the case their meddling would destroy not save, and they risk losing their friendships as well.

The best bet here is for everyone to keep their secrets, let the events unfold and prepare to be supportive to their friends if need be.

  frenchies

I hate to say it but I would have to use my right to remain silent.

Such a difficult situation, I wouldn’t see how any of them could remain friends with all that heavy stuff weighing on them. But life is never easy…sighs

  advizor54

You play this out like a Seinfeld episode….

You let them break up, doing NOTHING to interfere. In the messy aftermath, the outside couple agrees to offer “comfort and a good shoulder” to the other couple.

He gets the hearbreaker, she gets the lonely and horny husband, and maybe the jewelry, and everyone is happier

  Vixen

I really wasn’t sure what the right thing to do in this case was. I was really torn. But after reading everyone’s responses, it’s clearer to me now.

I think K put it best. Steve and Jen should stay out of it. Keep the knowledge to themselves. I think Steve becoming involved only adds drama to the situation. And as many pointed out- it’s a scenario that might not even happen.

Thanks for so much input!

  Vixen

Advizor- I think Jen and Steve are pretty happy and don’t roll that way ;)

  Vixen

Roxy- *ahem* Yes…. it seemed to have worked itself out in the end ;)

<3 <3 <3