Another Suburban Mom

People actually have sued mistresses over “alienation of affection” and won: http://tinyurl.com/yd4q8hw

However my feeling is that it takes two to tango and blame should be placed equally.

  Dana

I’m with ASM. I am actually quite bothered by the fact that seldom does the mistress have to accept any responsibility. I remember a comment on my blog made by someone I respect a great deal who justified her status of mistress by saying if it wasn’t her, it would be someone else, so it might as well be her. Pffft!

Any time you are conducting any kind of relationship that requires dishonesty as a critical component, you are wrong – whether you are the cheater or the “single” person they are cheating with.

  Vixen

ASM, right. While doing some reading yesterday on this topic I came across that several times, where people have sued and won.

Dana, I remember that comment. :)

I guess for me, I just feel as if the mistress (or male) is being used as the scape goat. To displace blame. My ex H cheated on me and had affairs the entire 16yrs we were together (most of it not confirmed until after we were no longer together). I suspected and pretty much in my heart knew most of that time and with which women. But it never, ever occurred to me to come after or approach the women. I think the only time I would do that would be if he were to do it with a close friend of mine.

  Westcoast Weirdo

I think it depends, as usual. If the mistress knew, she is to blame too. But how can she be blamed if she didn’t know? IMO, as soon as she finds out, she should bail. I think a lot of Tiger’s women did it bc he’s famous – and that’s shitty and low. They’re to be responsible as well, but I don’t think Extra did anything wrong – the girl’s still gotta make a living ;)

  geena

I think a mistress deserves the blame, maybe not as much as the cheating spouse, but they aren’t innocent.

And as for Tiger’s mistress being hired by Extra, I think the problem lies not in that she was his mistress and now she has a job, its the fact that no one would have known about her had she not been Tiger’s mistress. Its not like she applied for the job back when no one knew her, she has the job simply because she became “famous” for screwing Tiger and that I think is wrong.

  Jeff

“to which she is otherwise entitled”

This is the phrase that really causes me to bristle – as if marriage somehow conveys right of ownership of another human being. We, as a society, need to get over this idea that because I am married to you, I own you sexually.

  ~K

Tiger was wrong…she was wrong..in my book the blame is equal. However what people do in the sack should have NO BEARING whatsoever on their professional lives. Unless she got the job simply from the fame of being someone who fucked Tiger and admittedly a bunch of whores are trying to cash in now.Now I don’t normally throw the whore word around, but if you are simply trying to make a buck now by saying you fucked someone famous, well personally I think that qualifies you for whore status. Even prostitutes and professional escorts keep their clients secrets.

This whole idea of suing mistresses and cheaters is just ridiculous. The courts have no place in these private affairs. Divorce is messy enough as it is. How long is it before some jilted wife sues her husband’s mistress then the husband counter sues the wife for break her contract as it relates to “expectations of sexual gratification” It’s just stupid and tying up the courts with this kind of frivolous litigation is costly and waste resources that could be turned to more important maters.

  A Mother's Thoughts

Being married, I believe that it is completely the married person’s responsibility to stay loyal. A line a man once said to me, “I have no obligations or ties to your husband. I have no emotional connection.” The mistress are just there, feeding their sexual desires and urges. It is 100% the married person that should walk away from adultery (unless of course it’s their thing) The only fault that the mistress” has is that they should have more respect for the outcome. And I’m not talking orgasim!! The outcome of if they were to get caught or become emotional involved. That’s when it gets messy!!

Great article! Check out some of my sex articles.

Lynn

  Vixen

Geena, I see your point. And I think if she were being paid/was hired to only talk about her affair with Tiger, that would be *wrong*. But she was hired to be a correspondent, to do a job that has nothing to do with her private life.

  Vixen

Roxy- exactly, girls gotta make a living somehow ;)

Jeff, totally agree. The wording of that line is awful. Implies we’re owned by and OWE our S/O’s.

  Vixen

K- you said what I felt much more eloquently ;)

Thank you!

  Vixen

A Mothers Thought- that’s a great line. Thanks for stopping by :)

  Fire

Really?

The mistress is at fault and should be held accountable, really? What the bloody hell?

Was the mistress there at the wedding and promise to stay away? Was there a contract signed by the mistress? Whether or not the mistress knows or not is not the issue nor are her actions. What is the issue is the contract was broken by one of the married partners as is the failure of personal responsibility of that partner. If there is a breach in contract then those who signed the contract are the ones responsible for it period.

Tiger broke his contract with his wife, not the mistress. It was his responsibility to stay within the bounds of that arrangement AND NO ONE ELSES. Really put the “blame” where it belongs into the relationship that was harmed, not to a third party.

And people wonder why government is getting out of control.

  Vixen

Fire- Haha! Exactly ;)

  Professor Fate

My gut says Rachel Uchitel got the Extra gig because she fucked Tiger. The press release claims she “so impressed producers that she’s been offered a job as a special correspondent.” Whatever.

Do you blame the rug when a dog pees on it? If a husband is going to have an affair, the mistress is interchangeable, as Tiger proved.

  Maggie

The blame should be split 50/50 if the mistress knew he was married, but it is so often thrown disproportionately on the mistress. It’s understandable to not want to face the fact that your spouse cheated on you, but how does blaming the other person 100% really help things? That just helps keep people in unhappy situations when they should’ve either attempted to work things out as a couple or gone their separate ways. Yes, the mistress was involved, but the mistress is not always some husband-stealing wench. You have to WANT to cheat, it’s not like every guy who is approached by a woman cheats.

  Sage

I think the blame falls solely on the married party. They have free will. If the choose not to cheat then they don’t so it is a choice and they should own it. The other party is at no blame unless they do it to blackmail or something, even then though the married has to own it, they chose.

Good post.

  Elle

I’m with Sage, I like that he brings “free will” into this. Blaming the mistress or lover is like saying the cheating spouse had no responsibility for their actions. What, they can’t decide for themselves?

Personally, I wouldn’t approach a married man. But one can never say never. What if the guy’s really, deeply unhappy and is staying because of the kids, say? What if, because of his specific situation, it seems right to me? Would that make me such a bad person? Actually, I think I know someone in this position and I, for one, certainly do not judge this person.

What’s more, the mistress or lover isn’t the one who made a commitment to their spouse, they owe them (the spouse being cheated on) nothing and have no emotional attachment to them. Even if they know exactly what they’re getting into, they STILL aren’t the one breaking promises.

  vixen kitten

They can hire her, but personally, I wouldn’t put much stock in what she says, or what she reports on.

Integrity is what you do, and how you act, when no one is watching. She knew he was married and made a choice to sleep with him anyway. That to me says she is incapable of making sound choices and decisions. It also says a lot about her as a person. She can’t be trusted. Why would I give a shit or believe anything she would report on?

As for Tiger, I have no kind words. The only thing I can say is that Mrs. Woods should have swung harder and aimed for his head and not the back window.

As always, just my humble opinion.

xoxo
~vk~

  Emmy

It takes two the tango.
That being said, the husband (or wife) destroyed the marriage not the person s/he cheated with.

Does it show good judgment on the part of the person who s/he cheated with? Nope. But God only knows what line of BS was fed to him/her. Can’t truly judge that person too much – I mean, speculation and he-said,she-said is all we ever have about what happened there. But, regardless, the fact remains, a married person made a choice and that person destroyed the marriage.

But that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong ;-)
~Emmy

  Ivey Lane

Personal integrity is something you have or you don’t and people can and should be held accountable for what they know or should have known — something we rely on in the court system. Nor are we being somehow hypocritical; there is no culture or society that doesn’t hold lying and deciept in contempt and none that hold it up as a value. Not one.

There’s also a big difference between placeing blame and indentifying a contributing responsibility. The problem is that people want to remove ALL culpability from one side or the other. I agree the married person is at greater fault because they chose to break their commitment but that doesn’t make the cheaters partner somehow an innocent victim of the rest of the commmunity’s disgust.

Furthermore, the notion that the cheated on wife/husband is somehow resonsible because maybe they were inattentive wives or husbands in the first place is ridiculous.

Some people say “we shouldn’t judge” because we don’t know all of the facts. But we know one big fact — both parties are liars whose selfish actions harmedd others (spouses, children, friendships, etc)and in Tiger’s case sponsors, the PGA, among others. We also know that when liars cry “don’t blame me” they are immature and unwilling to take responsibiliy for their own actions and decsions. We also know that when they get all pickle-pussed and pouty about recieving the consequences for their actions (e.g. public ridicule, lack of future trust in other areas of life), crying that it’s “unfair,” they are cowards, too.

Cheating spouses and their partners earned the condemnation they recieve. In this case, it probably won’t destroy thier lives or careers though it sure caused a lot of upheaval for people who truly didn’t earn it. In fact, as the article proves, in this case in was quite a career boost for one side. But when it comes to adultery there’s no need to give either party too much sympathy.

  TUG

I’d comment but I can’t stop staring at the picture.