Barefoot Dreaming

I think you need to know at least the main points of the outline- the I and II and III – maybe save the a) b) and c) for a little later when a comfort level is built and then if all is still well and everyone is still comfortable include the 1) 2) and 3) ‘s

I for one would not want to be walking down the street and have a girl come up and hug my man holding a 10 month old… only to find out that was his girl and that may or may not be his baby but neither of them cares (until 3 yrs down the road blah blah when she comes looking for $) yeah – I think you need to know, or you don’t really know the person.

  Professor Fate

So many things:

All healthy, lasting, long-term relationship are built on a foundation of lies—from the outset.

Bullshit! They may be build on minor deception and slight of hand, but not lies. If you try to build a relationship on the shifting sands of lies, it will fail. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but the truth has a way of coming out. What am I going to think if when I meet the fourth of your three children? The one you had when you were 15, but my math says you were 5 because you lied about your age. Not telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth on a first date (or third) is not lying. It is one of the social conventions that keep order in the world. It is pretty close, but tell her the pants are great (a lie) is much better than telling her that it isn’t that pants that make her ass look fat (a truth).

If you are going on a first dates that feel like depositions, maybe you have too much too hide or you aren’t being forthcoming enough and she has to pry details out. I tend to ask and be asked things that aren’t state secrets. What do you do? Where did you grow-up? Are you an ax murderer?

PC is right. Being friends is what can get you through the rough times. It is easy to kick a lover to the curb. It is harder to do the same with your friend.

The past is important. It has made you who you are today. Knowing about your baggage and your weaknesses are important. It may not be first date important, but if you have some Robert Downy Jr issues I need to know about them before I plan a surprise get away to eastern Europe. Knowing about your past is important because you don’t necessarily know (because I may not know) what some of my buttons are.

I may have a problem with a girl who let her dog fuck her. I may think it is really hot. Either way, that is not a first date conversation. In three years if dog fucking is a deal-breaker, I’ll walk and we’ve both wasted those years. What was a deal-breaker early in the relationship may not be later on. I may realize that you were just canine-curious and your Great Dane isn’t a threat to my manhood.

I consider trust the basis for any long-term relationship.

  Jeff

I love what PC said. I would agree that all this stuff does not have to come up at the very start of a relationship but it will inevitably come up. The key then is what you do with the information when you recieve it. If your relationship is strong enough and built on a firm friendship instead of “couplehood” then you should be able to weather just about anything (except maybe someone being an axe murderer). That is why I think you should give the relationship time for these things to come out on their own. If you are communicating like you should they will eventually.

That being said, I tend to be like you, Vixen, I just throw it all out there and if you don’t like it well, fuck you!

  Danielle

I am too honest and disclose way too much also. It is who I am. As far as full disclosure, I think it depends on how well your partner can handle it. If they are mature enough then sure. If not, I probably wouldn’t date them anyway!

  Vixen

PC- Well said honey :)

And you bring up a very good point about you and I and why many relationships probably fail- the friendship part. Bc you are right, when we told each other all the bad, we didn’t care what the other would think about us. So here- let me dump all the bad shit on you. LOL

Friendship first is a huge factor in a healthy relationship.

  Vixen

BD- I agree. Not everything needs to be dumped on date one. But as you laid out, is a good idea.

Prof Fate- I completely agree with *EVERYTHING* you have said here. Truth IS the basis for any long-term relationship.

I also loved what you said here-
What was a deal-breaker early in the relationship may not be later on.

I think that is def. true. I’m the person that lays most likely TOO much on the line TOO soon. But I can think of many instances where something mentioned after some friendship and relationship has been developed going over better than on date one.

Thanks for your input. Always appreciate and enjoy it. :)

  Vixen

Jeff- you bring up a good point

*the key being what you do with the information when you get it*

I think some people are afraid of that aspect. Which is why they with hold some information.

  Vixen

Danielle- we are too similar ;)

  Professor Fate

http://mingle2.com/dating/phases

  The Urban Cowboy

I agree that any lasting relationship is based on friendship. I also feel that it isn’t important to go into detail when first meeting, but the major points do. It is the illusion of deception that can kill a relationship before it really gets a chance to flourish.

  Sexie sadie

I’m with Professor Fate. BULLSHIT!

Any relationship who’s foundation is built on lies will come crumbling down upon itself sooner or later. NO relationship is sustainable in that situation.

And, I agree, friendship is the best foundation for a healthy relationship. And how do we make friends? By disclosure of personal truths which build trust and foster intimacy.

Happy Hump day!
xo~Sadie

  Natisha Canal

hi,really fantastic pants,do you know where i can find that.thanks,bill