Alfie

Having only ever been with Emma, it’s probably beyond my pay-grade to pass an opinion. Which is worse, paying for sex once (or even several times) or sleeping around for free with dozens of girls (or “playing the field” as it’s called in some circles)?

  Amy

Well, firstly shouldn’t he have got tests done regardless of who he has slept with?

Also my issue with this would be why he had done it, and how he felt about it now. If he’s be willing to repeat it if he was single then I might have an issue with it – it’s not a particularly healthy sexual attitude to see women as commodities and that’s what would bother me.

I do think she is over-reacting a little – it doesn’t change who he is as a person. I think her labelling a prostitute as ‘some nasty girl’ is a bit fucked up too. Still, maybe I would react differently if it happened to me.

xxxx

  Maggie

I like what Alfie said about the paying for it vs. sleeping around for free. What is it about the exchange of money that makes it so much worse? Would she be freaking out like this if he had said that he lost count of how many people he’d been with? Actually, it seems from the level of freakout that she would, so bad example. :)

I’d also like to second the testing bit (for both of them) regardless of who either had slept with.

If someone I was dating had that sort of reaction to my sexual past, that person would not be the person I was dating any longer.

  yummy

depends on why he went with a prostitute would be my dilema.

if it was to do something he felt he couldnt ask me for would tie me in a Knot but if we are talking this guy wanted sex and couldnt be bothered to buy dinner and drinks, hell fill yer boots!

Sometimes uncomplicated sex is what you need at that moment and using a protitute to do this is just the same as a one night stand the only difference is the money and control.
#

  Professor Fate

What is the difference between sex for money and sex for free? Sex for free costs more. I know I’m still paying for my marital sex.

I second both “you should be getting tested any way” comments.

His past has made him who he is. Either accept his past as part of the package or move along.

  Jeff

One comment on what Amy said – For the most part (and I know this is not always the case) it’s the sex, not the women, that is treated as a commodity in prostitution. You pay for the experience and most prostitutes are very good at giving you that experience.

I would have no problem with anybody I was with having been with a prostitute in the past (or in the present for that matter, but that’s another story). But then again to me it’s just sex, a physical, very fun activity you do with another human being (sort of like soccer). Guess I’m just weird that way.

  Jim

She’s obviously got at least two major issues with it . . . “I think it’s gross that he would pay to have sex with some nasty girl”. . . paying for sex, and assuming that all prostitutes are somehow “nasty.” There’s plenty to debate on both issues, as others have outlined above, but it’s definitely something they need to try to talk out.

Plus, she needs to watch “Pretty Woman.” :-)

XO

  viemoira

Beast was in the military for some time and during one of His birthday celebrations some of His military buddies hired a prostitute for Him. He slept with her. I see no issues with this as it was in His past. All that does matter to me is we are close enough that He can discuss such things honestly with me (which I’ll save getting into) and that He used protection and has since been tested.

  Vixen

Ok, I’m with everyone else. I completely agree. The testing should be something that has already been done. That parts a given.

  Vixen

Maggie- you pin pointed something I was thinking too. Her reaction (or OVER reaction) to his past, seems very judgmental/close minded and it would make me question how much I would want to remain with that person.

yummy- Now, just to clarify…. He didn’t cheat on her. This was something that happened previously before they were together.

But what you said here-
Sometimes uncomplicated sex is what you need at that moment and using a prostitute to do this is just the same as a one night stand the only difference is the money and control.

I completely agree. :)

  Vixen

Prof Fate- as always. Very well said and I agree with all of your statements.

(I knew someone would bring up that sex for ‘free’ usually costs more ;)

  Vixen

Jeff- good point in what you said. And I think the fact that she is making such a clear cut judgment that ALL prostitutes are ‘gross/nasty’ is causing her to have such a harsh reaction.

Jim- clearly she has not watched Pretty Woman! *grins*

  Danielle

Don’t we all pay for it in some way at some point in our lives? If we are honest with our selves anyway.
I guess I would have been angry back when I was fooling myself and trying to live the status quo life.
Now, not so much. I find that most things sexual even if “not for me” are not bad or means to judge.

  Barefoot Dreaming

I have not read other responses so I may be doubling up here but there is some nasty ass shit out at the bar and honestly I would be more worried about that then the girl who most likely uses protection (almost) everytime…. it is her job.

The crap some guys go home with 5 nights a week is where my concern would lie – and the tests should have been done regardless and if you are going to ask then you better be ready for the response

  vixen kitten

It would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think I would be as rude about it as she was, but I would realize there are fundamental differences between us that would prevent me from wanting a long term relationship with the person.

I usually get to know someone (male or female) well enough before I enter a relationship with them. This kind of thing would have come up in casual conversation BEFORE I slept with them. That is not to say I would be judging them as a person, and they may make a wonderful friend, but there would be no sexual attraction there any more from my end.

I’ve had men not want to date me when they realized that I date women. Only not the way they hoped, where they would be invited in to participate. Somehow I guess it’s a fantasy breaker when the woman you are interested in dates lesbians who really want nothing to do with you! That has always been ok with me. I’d rather both of us know where we stand beforehand, than be disappointed or angry later.

I think there is a difference between judging someone on their choices in life, and knowing what is and is not something you want in a potential partner.

As always, my very humble opinion.

xoxo
~vk~

  Elle

For a while, I dated a guy who used to be a male escort. It didn’t bother me then, doesn’t bother me know. ;)

I wonder though, maybe she overreacted so much because this new information contradicted with the image she has of her boyfriend? Personally, I like to feel “proud” of my bf, for lack of a better word. It’s nice to look at him and feel good about what he is, what he does, etc. I’ve noticed that every once in a while, he’ll say something that makes him look like some kind of a dirty pig. You know the type, leering at young girls with short skirts, etc. When this happens, I feel a little disgusted, I don’t like to think that’s my boyfriend making that comment. It passes quickly, I know him and I know what he is or isn’t. But I’m thinking, if he told me he had slept with a hooker, maybe I’d start by being disgusted, too?

  Bat

More importantly this falls under one of the relationship rules that I have developed in the last six months. Actually, I think it’s the only rule and you sorta alluded to it Vixen. Don’t ask questions when you don’t want to know the answers. Past sex lives are almost always poor topics for conversations.