His dying wish ~CQW
posted by: Vixen
(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)
She’s found the man of her dreams. They are young and in love. She’s pretty sure he’s going to propose in the near future. Her dreams come true!
Except.
Although.
He was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the prognosis is very grim. It’s hit them both extremely hard. He has basically told her his dying wish is for them to be married. She has mixed emotions about this. She is worried about the stress planning a wedding will put on him. But also, as selfish as it sounds, she doesn’t want to be made a widow as such a young age.
Should she be honest with him and tell him this and either turn down his proposal or even discuss this with him before he asks her? Or basically, take into account his dying wish and do what makes him happy?
I guess my feelings on this is that, why wouldn’t she marry him? She loves him. They are in love. It’s perfectly awful that he’s been diagnosed with cancer. They are only experiencing the cusp of heartache in store. But is she going to leave him because he has cancer? She has said no. It’s not like there’s this horrible stigma attached to being a widower…. I don’t understand her reasoning. No one wants to be a widow. But it almost feels like she’s more upset about being called a widow at some point, then the circumstances around her becoming a widow. It’s his dying wish and I just don’t understand her perspective as to why she wouldn’t want to do that for him. Give him that.
A different perspective I guess (that someone else has brought up) is…rather than ask him to marry him, maybe he should ‘set her free’. Give her an out. Don’t make her sit by him, as he suffers.
Thoughts?
*****
Dana
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
Says:
August 4th, 2010 at 4:51 am
Hmmmm … tough one …
My heart says that if marriage was in the plans before the diagnosis, the diagnosis shouldn’t matter.
My head tells me that being a widow at a young age (I was 25) carries a social stigma and requires a tiring explanation every time someone asks about your past, requiring one to relive the pain of the loss over and over again.
It isn’t as black and white as it should be.
Curious MeAugust 4th, 2010 at 5:20 am
I guess I look at it differently and always thought how horrible it would be to lose your fiance. Of course the pain would not lessen because you are married, but in my head at least he was yours legally speaking a member of your family. Death during an engagement has always seemed to me to be such an open-ended story.
The giving her an “out” idea is beyond me. I cannot picture not sitting hand in hand with the man I love through something so horrible. I don’t see how you could walk away from a person you love when they will need you most.
Side note: They don’t have to plan a huge wedding they can keep it simple and fun.
Just my thoughts this morning.
PCAugust 4th, 2010 at 6:12 am
I’m gonna get the movie and see what she decides ;)
Honestly, if you were terminally ill, I would want to be with you. It doesn’t matter if we’re married or not. And if we weren’t and it was your dying wish, I would want to give that to you– assuming we were actually in love that is. If I hated your guts… well, that would be another story, I suppose.
Seriously though, I would want to keep a part of you with me. And if things were reversed, I would like to think you’d keep a part of me with you. Now, I’d prefer marriage to solve that. I really don’t wanna envision you cutting off my member and storing it in a pickle jar. I mean, you’re welcome to do so. But you don’t really like meat. And you don’t do pickles. So it’d just go to waste. Know what I mean?
Anyway…
Is this a bad time to tell you how I want to be prepped when I go? I’m still not sure I wanna be a crispy critter. It depends on the costs…
I’ll shut up now.
nitebyrdAugust 4th, 2010 at 7:30 am
The tragic romantic in me says she should marry him.
The logical me says that once she does, she will become the primary caretaker, breadwinner and decision maker for she and her spouse. Both of them will need to decide if this is something she is willing and/or able to do. If they are young and only dating for a short period of time, I would assume his parents want to be involved. Will the transfer of responsibility cause difficulties with his family? Definitely an unwanted problem when dealing with a terminal illness.
VixenAugust 4th, 2010 at 7:36 am
Dana- I wondered about the social stigma, if there was one. And you bring up a very valid point about having to relive the pain of telling about it over and over again.
VixenAugust 4th, 2010 at 7:38 am
Curious Me- Hadn’t thought of it that way. I think I’m with you on this. I felt she should marry him despite, but after you mentioned this, I def agree.
The whole ‘giving him an out’, I can’t fathom it either. I can possibly imagine it being brought up, but more in a tantrum state by the one dying…but not really meaning it. Who wants to be left alone while they are dying?! You want your loved ones with you.
Sad regardless.
VixenAugust 4th, 2010 at 7:45 am
PC- misunderstanding. CQW actually isn’t related to the movie, lol. Just made me think that they were similar. ;)
*shaking head* Ok….so when I decipher through your goofiness (snort) yes, I would want to keep a pc of you with me, preferably the ring and idea that we were married. Less so pickled body parts (eww!). Or better yet, see if I cremated you, I could put you in a pretty container next to Gabbie and Aleka!
This is morbid…lol
VixenAugust 4th, 2010 at 7:46 am
Nitebryd- it’s a sad situation to find yourself in for sure.
JanieAugust 4th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Surely she’ll be a sort of widow whether they get married or not? It’ll just be in name if they make it official. It’s a tough decision either way, either way things are going to be shit.
xoxox
Barefoot DreamingAugust 4th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
we had a couple in town here- had to make that decision. not only did they end up getting married (almost on his death bed) but they had a boy before hand. She wanted something lasting from him and the marriage I truly think were for the insurance benefits from work…..
JamieAugust 4th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
There is a group that provides full wedding services from setup to honeymoon for couples such as this one, where one of them has a short prognosis.
It is called “Wish Upon A Wedding” (http://www.komonews.com/news/92640259.html)
Maybe that can help them!
EmmyAugust 4th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
I say marry him. Plus, she just never knows….it could be in remission and they could still be together for a while longer. Weirder things have happened.
viemoiraAugust 12th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
I’m with you- I say marry him. I’d be far more concerned with someone I love’s dying last wish then the stereotype of becoming a widow.