I am a girl and I am straight (-ly in love with another girl) ~CQW
posted by: Vixen
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Her husband and her have been married for 6 years. She is very in love with him. They have a child together. She has reconnected recently with an old friend. A female. This female and her have developed a very strong sexual attraction to each other. She would like to explore these feelings further with her female friend….. But she’s stuck. Does she tell her husband? Does she see where things go with her friend? Are her feelings even valid?
First of all. I fully believe she needs to have a conversation with her husband. Open the the flow of communication… discuss her feelings, be honest with him, TALK with him. She seems unsure of how she even really feels, she’s dealing with so many emotions on her own. If they have a solid marriage she needs to/should be able to have a an honest discussion with him about this. I have no idea what his reaction will be. Regardless, it needs to happen.
If the conversation is unable to be had (at. all)- then that right there speaks volumes about them and their relationship. But, how does she know if she doesn’t talk with him??? After they have spoken she can go from there. But considering they are married, she’s in love with him, this needs to be talked about.
Depending on how her divulging this goes with her husband, she can decide how she wants to move forward. I’m not an idiot, I’ve been around the block (a few times ….*wink*….) I KNOW this type of conversation can go down in a bad way. I know I am much more open minded than many, but still… She should feel the idea out with her spouse.
Opinions? Advice for her?
*****
HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!
~ xo
Joker_SATX
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January 12th, 2011 at 7:17 am
Much of it depends on her relationship with her husband as you said. I have known someone who left her husband to be involved with a member of the same sex. It went down that Bad road as you discussed. But I have come to realize that it did so because that was their choice. We all have the power to choose otherwise…..
Professor FateJanuary 12th, 2011 at 7:35 am
I agree that she needs to have a conversation with her spouse. She, also, needs to have a conversation with her friend. I am not sure which needs to happen first.
We teach our kids (I teach my kids) that you cannot have everything you want and that life is full of trade-offs. I, also, think that WE are stupid and confuse emotional intimacy and aesthetically pleasing with sexual desire.
I have a more vanilla view of marriage and its traditional commitment. I believe that part of marriage is “forsaking all others.” [Ex-wife and I had a difference of opinion on this point.]
Westcoast WeirdoJanuary 12th, 2011 at 7:48 am
Would your answer be the same if her friend was male? I don’t think it makes a difference if she goes down the cheating road. Maybe she feels it’s “not as bad” or “not the same thing” bc the person she’ll cheat with is female, but it’s the same thing. She needs to treat it as such – how would she treat the whole situation of the person she was attracted to was male? She doesn’t get an ‘out’ just bc it’s a girl.
Now, granted, she has a hand’s up that it IS a girl and BECAUSE OF THAT, she needs to be honest with her husband. If she can’t, then she can’t play the “but it’s a girl” card.
KennyJanuary 12th, 2011 at 8:19 am
It’s very simple it’s cheating boy or girl. If she really wants to pursue it then she needs to discuss it with her husband and suffer the consequences that he might not be accepting of it and respect his feelings.
If it is never going to be anything more than a fleeting fantasy then discussion is not in order.
VixenJanuary 12th, 2011 at 8:29 am
Prof Fate- from what I gather, she’s already had some discussions with her friend. So I really think probably her next step is with her husband.
Something I failed to mention was her ‘idea’ that maybe she should see if there is really even anything there with the friend before telling her husband. Which…I do not agree with at all.
VixenJanuary 12th, 2011 at 8:33 am
Roxy- my answer is the same regardless of male or female friend, but I think she would get a different answer/feelings from her husband bc the friend is a female.
I agree cheating is cheating. But I do feel there is a larger ‘gray area’ when it comes to the same sex.
Period though I don’t think she should pursue anything w/o talking about it with her husband. I’m not sure if maybe it didn’t come across that I felt that way.
VixenJanuary 12th, 2011 at 8:33 am
Kenny- agreed.
Chapter Two- BFDJanuary 12th, 2011 at 12:43 pm
ummmmmmm, yeah…….
zipping lip
dog3oyJanuary 12th, 2011 at 6:18 pm
if she promises a threesome he’ll be all for it …
Mad HaterJanuary 15th, 2011 at 6:01 am
Talk with the hubby. BUT! First she should consider how she will handle it if he says no.
Can she and will she accept that or will she go through with it anyway? If she is going to go through with it who knows what will happen.
However if this is the case maybe she does not tell hubby. Do what she was going to do all along. If it does not work out..what hubby doesn’t know won’t hurt him and hopefully she learned a lesson.
Otherwise whatever happens was likely going to happen regardless.
Sexuality is a very hard thing to over come.
It would be a interesting test of the insecurities of the persons involved and insecurities of the marriage.