Hello- Gay now! ~CQW
posted by: Vixen~Buffy The Vampire Slayer
(this quote cracks me up, one of my favorites from the series)
(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)
He has a 14yro daughter and her BFF is bi. And because of that he won’t let his daughter have sleepovers with her. He says he wouldn’t let a boy sleep over, so not her either. His daughter is calling him a ‘homophobe’.
I think he’s being ridiculous. I’m having a difficult time even wrapping my mind around this in order to lay out my thoughts.
First off. Young people experiment. When I mentioned this CQW to PC he brought to my attention that not all pre-teens were like me and my friends. Ok. Point taken. My friends and I from a very early age began experimenting with each other. Not one of us thought anything of it. *shrug* Of all of my friends I am the only one who later realized I was a lesbian (and later on, the reality that what I really was was probably bi….unless you go back to my sexual fluidity post that I just like who I’m attracted to…. FOCUS!). We were experimenting not sexually active, not trying to turn each other ‘gay’, we weren’t doing anything ‘wrong’ or anything out of the ordinary. Maybe my friends and I were being more ‘curious’ than some others. But I don’t really believe that’s true.
This fathers attitude perturbs me a bit in that his way of thinking seems to be that people who are bi/gay are out to ‘turn everyone’….to have sexual experiences with everyone they meet. So apparently to him people who are bi or gay are more promiscuous???? Oh and untrustworthy. Also, I hate to break it to him, but if they were to have something going on between them beyond a friendship, keeping them from having sleepovers together isn’t really preventing anything. I mean hello….has he been fourteen before?!
The idea as a parent is to teach your children your values and expectations. Impress upon them these things. And then hope as they mature into young adults that you have done a good enough job that they have listened and learned. Sure you can eliminate temptations but restricting a specific friendship because of who or what they like bothers me. Restricting his daughter from having sleepovers with her best friend is sending a bad message, in my opinion. And quite honestly, if I were the parents of the bi BFF I would be pissed.
What do you think?
*****
HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!
~ xo
PC
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February 9th, 2011 at 6:49 am
I’m not sure about the background on the family dynamics involved here, but perhaps there’s another reason for not wanting to allow the sleepovers.
To the best of my knowledge, my sister didn’t have any gay or bi friends. But she still wasn’t allowed to have sleep overs. She was allowed to sleep over, but not the other way around.
The reason for this was liability. My parents didn’t want to be liable for other kids if something happened. Now, that was when I was a kid. Can you imagine how sue-happy parents are now?
What if the parents of the bi child were to blame things on the dad and his daughter?
I know this is a stretch, but something is telling him not to allow this. And it doesn’t sound like we’re told it’s strictly because he’s a homophobe, even though that’s what the daughter thinks.
Perhaps he really is just being unreasonable. I can’t make that judgement without knowing more detail. I do know that I tend to cringe a little when our kids have them. But I try quite hard to get past my issues and concerns and keep a quiet, watchful eye on things.
Westcoast WeirdoFebruary 9th, 2011 at 7:47 am
I can sorta see where the dad is coming from. From your first paragraph. The father IS taking the gender out of the equation and looking at it as *someone* who possibly has ‘more’ interest in his daughter. He won’t let a boy sleep over…& not the bi girl either. BUT – if she is truly her BFF, then he needs to ALSO look at in that perspective as well.
I think he could watch how they interact on the down-low (w/o either of them knowing) too to see if they’re more BFF or more ‘more’.
Have they been BFF since they were little or fairly new? I think that plays into the equation as well. And he is being a dad first – his daughter is now in that ‘sex-time’ & needs to be diligent.
She’ll just have to sneak around like the rest of the kids & do it all anyway ;D Hahahaha!!!!
Cougar and LuckyFebruary 9th, 2011 at 7:53 am
I think a lot more people than will admit had some sort of experimentation with the same sex at that pre-pubescent age. I did and so did my wife. That is just a part of growing up. There is an age where you kind of have it figured out but your also still at an age where the opposite sex has cooties too. So you just make do with what you have at your disposal. For most of us that is just some light touching and that is about it. This does not decide the fate of a person’s sexuality. In my opinion it is just another step in the growing process.
Cougar and LuckyFebruary 9th, 2011 at 7:58 am
BTW I think too many people think homosexuality is contagious. I don’t think 2 people of the same sex, 1 gay and 1 straight, is the same as 2 people of the opposite sex having a sleepover together. Unless I missed something in biology class they can’t procreate. .
VixenFebruary 9th, 2011 at 7:59 am
PC- I should have clarified. The daughter is allowed to have OTHER friends spend the night, just specifically not this friend.
The daughter isn’t allowed to spend the night at her BFF’s house either. The father specifically stated that the *reason* they can’t have sleepovers *together* is bc the friend is bi.
VixenFebruary 9th, 2011 at 8:02 am
Cougar and Lucky- it’s sad that *still* so many people think like that, that’s it’s contagious.
VixenFebruary 9th, 2011 at 8:03 am
Roxy- I think they’ve been friends for quite awhile but the BFF just in the last year announced/realized/came out about being bi.