Breathing…
posted by: Vixen
I’m ok.
I was drowning. It hasn’t been until recently… now that I’m feeling better… that I realized just how long I had been sinking. I became overwhelmed by just how…ugh… sad… I was. Losing Phoebe was the nail in the coffin…my breaking point…that sent me over the edge. I honestly haven’t been that depressed since my miscarriages ten years ago.
PC was worried I would never come back from that. In his concern…seeing my heart ache… Well, he has a way of knowing how to fill the hole in my heart. Nothing can or could replace Phoebe. But Annie needed someone to love her and I desperately needed someone to love.
She’s helped…A LOT. I’ve also gotten some outside help. And slowly…have come to a place where I feel mostly myself again. …can think normally. Or even at all. And smile. And laugh. And carry on a conversation… And sigh…function.
I’m not sure if I’ll be posting regularly again. Stepping away from blogging, the internet as a whole…has been refreshing. I realized I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would. It was becoming something that felt like more of a job than something I was gaining enjoyment from. It was aiding in overwhelming me…causing me to sink further… I have much better control over my emotions, my thoughts and feelings… I’ll figure out what I want to do..it just may take some time.
~ xo
France
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August 16th, 2011 at 9:24 am
Awww, what a cutie!!!!
Glad you are feeling better. A blog is just a blog… shouldn’t take so much importance in one’s life (unless you’re paid to write on it!).
EmmyAugust 16th, 2011 at 10:23 am
My dad often credited his dog for being what pulled him out of his 18month battle with depression and anxiety. I’m glad you were able to give Annie a home, and she was able to give you the reason to see light again.
Hugs to you!!
~Emmy
PS: I think blogs help people at times, but when it ceases to be enjoying or helpful, its time to step back. We’ll be here. xoxo
nitebyrdAugust 16th, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Annie has a beautiful smile! How wonderful PC was able to bring you two together.
Take your time – breathe and enjoy getting to a better place. I’ll wait. :)
OsbassoAugust 16th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I concur that when the blogging is more chore than fun, it’s definitely time to step away, at least for a bit. Except for Thursdays… :-)
Glad to see you making your way back!
eddieAugust 16th, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Glad your better,and hope you will get even better,i have followed your bolg and face book for years as a silent fan, you are a sweet woman with a flair for being open with your life,you never fail to put a smile on my face,good luck to you and pc,and sorry about your dog..eddie,jacksonville fl…
MaggieAugust 16th, 2011 at 2:56 pm
So good to hear, Vixen. You’ll always be in my Google Reader and will pop up should you choose to sporadically blog. I’ll be reading. :)
BFDAugust 16th, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Hi
JenAugust 16th, 2011 at 5:40 pm
we love you and if you have to take a break for your well being, that is what you need to do. I didn’t know you got a new puppie, she’s adorable and while it can’t fill the hole in your heart ~ you have a little soul to give love to. if you ever need anything, please call me. love you sweetie
JasAugust 17th, 2011 at 3:33 am
Glad I popped in and that you are feeling better.
DaveAnnie is so sweet. Hope all continues to look up xx
August 17th, 2011 at 8:09 am
Sometimes a break, or even a complete change, is needed- and blogging for fun, should remain fun, or why do it?
So glad you found Annie, she’s adorable, good to see
MediocrityAugust 17th, 2011 at 8:16 am
It’s nice to hear that you are feeling better. I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep your head up and take care of yourself lovely.
Minority ReportAugust 17th, 2011 at 10:20 am
Glad you’re feeling a bit better. I hope you continue to see improvement. :)
HubmanAugust 17th, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Nice to see you again, I hope you continue to feel better :-)
DocAugust 17th, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Hey, you discovered my secret. But I have to agree with Os ;)
LolitaAugust 19th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
*Totally* understand where you’re coming from. Blogging for me had become more of a “people are going to get sick of me bitching about the same things all the time” instead of ME doing it for ME and putting down my own thoughts & feelings, which is why I’d started it in the first place. Sure, I still blog from time to time but not like I did on my old one.
I hope you find your peace.
viemoiraAugust 20th, 2011 at 11:04 am
Glad you are feeling better…
Hugs!