(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

There was an episode of House recently.  One of the Dr’s broached the topic of an open marriage with his wife.  There was a woman he’d been flirting with, a mutual attraction between them.  His wife was fairly upset but in the end gave him permission- with rules.  Fair enough.  But then when it came down to it, she renigged and told him she couldn’t go through with it.  Again.  Fair enough.  The Dr/husband agreed, blah, blah, blah.

Except. (you knew there would be one, right?) Except that then he got caught up in a ‘moment’ with this woman he’d developed a crush on and next thing you know he’s cheating on his wife.  Which is what he was doing.  Bc it’s one thing to have your spouse give you permission to be with someone else.  But it’s another for them to change their mind and say, NO, and you still do it.  Then it becomes cheating.  In my mind at least…..

I would be devastated to find out PC had done something to this extreme behind my back.  We have a pretty good agreement and that is full, brutal honesty.  I tell him everything.  And when he thinks I’m not, he calls me on it.  And it’s never purposely that I am, except maybe to try to save his feelings by not sharing complete details with him.  Or what happens most often, I’m just not aware he is interested in the information and it escapes my mind to tell him.  I do the same to him. I want to know what is going on.  I find security in us and our relationship when I’m not left guessing or wondering what is going on.  He is the same way.  So we try to do that for each other.

I have found that if PC does something and then comes to tell me about it after the fact, I have much greater issues with it.  My anxiety sky rockets, I have a bad tendency to have words/things I wished I might have thought out better fly out of my mouth. Overall, I react badly.  Now.  If he tells me he’s thinking about doing something, or has been thinking about wanting to do something.  I may have those same initial knee jerk reactions (it’s a fault of mine, I do know this about myself, I’m trying to improve on it) but once I’ve let the idea of what he’s asked/suggested sink in, it’s usually much better.  I really do think I’m a pretty open minded and very non-judgmental person.  But sometimes those little knee-jerk reactions sneak in.  And almost always, once I’ve had time to process something, I’m good to go.

Would it be better to find out your S/O cheated on you/had an affair after the fact?  Or have them be straight up honest with you that they are considering it?  Like this Dr that broached the idea of an open marriage.

Granted, my relationship is different from many.  All relationships are different from others in whatever aspects.  So possibly this is difficult for some to answer bc they can’t fathom this topic at all.  But I’m just curious.  This was brought up in another discussion and pretty much the same conclusion was drawn.  Better to know about it beforehand, then after the fact.

Mainly what I’m asking though, and really what this CQW is mostly meant to be about, is…..
Would you rather your S/O come clean and tell you about their indescrections, or you find out another way, on your own.  Would that be worse?  Does the cheating spouse gain any ‘brownie points’ by coming clean on their own?  Do you have/offer more forgiveness, if there is any?  Many of us as parents, teach our children that they will get in much less trouble if they tell us the truth then to lie and cover up their wrong doings.  Is this not the same?

******

Happy HUMP Day!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(vi.sualize.us)

She came up behind me.  Placing her hands on my hips. My hair was pulled up, I felt her softly nuzzle my neck, breathing me in.  Gently she kissed the nape of my neck.  I tilted my neck to the side with out thought….  Sending chills down my spine.  The perfect kind.  She slowly moved her kisses, butterfly-like, down my back.  The sundress I was wearing was low cut in the back, as well as the front.  Her hands tightened on my waist, as her kisses covered my exposed back.

She slipped first the left strap of the dress from my shoulder…then the other.  The dress fell to the floor, leaving me in only my panties.  She continued the kisses down my back, tracing my backbone with her tongue.  She stopped at the small of my back.  I could feel her breath on my skin.  Then her tongue tracing along the edge of the lace, along my hips.

(vi.sualize.us)

I was melting.  Moist.  Breathing sharply.  She continued down, to the place where my ass meets my thigh, then to behind my knees.  Feeling this insane tickling, sensual sensation.  Breathing.  Kissing. Licking.  Running her hands along my thighs, down to my calves and ankles….

*****

TFT is UP! Go check it out!

The site (ME!!!) is always looking for contributors. If you’ve thought about wanting to do it- there is no time like the present! If you have before but it’s been awhile- we miss you! All you have to do to help support our troops is EMAIL ME! Help boost some morale!

*****

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Caught cheating? Time for a press-conference apology!

Thank you all for being here.  First and foremost, I would like to apologize to my [girlfriend/fans/crab-ridden balls].  I have let her/them down, acting in a way that violated [my morals/my duties/several prostitutes].  Although I am very good at [governing/hitting a ball into a hole/Halo]. I am still flawed as a man.  In the weeks preceding this announcement, I have done plenty of [soul searching/fake crying in therapy/women I'm not married to], and I know the road to forgiveness will be [long/arduous/paved with Cheetos].  I will continue to ask [Jesus/Allah/Tom Cruise] for help in my quest for spiritual repair, and I will do everything in my power to restore these broken bonds, even if that means [letting my girl kick my ass/living in $100M instead of $750M/writing a tell-all book].  All I ask now is that you respect my privacy so that I may begin [the healing process/contemplating my next step/figuring out how to bang new chicks without texting them].  Thank you.

Maxim recently had an article about cheating.  Not just about cheating.  But a guide to cheating and not getting caught. Written by women.  Really Maxim?  I found the idea a teeny bit bothersome, I guess…kind of.  IDK.  PC and I have always had the agreement that if I were going to seek relations/relationships outside our marriage that I be honest with him.  And so I am, and have been.  I suck at lying.  That feeling of sneaking around, covering things up is awful.  Being someone who is already fairly (haha) neurotic and has anxiety issues, the last thing this chick needs is to have MORE shit to wig out about.  I also am under the thought that it’s not about if you get caught but when.  Again, I know not everyone has the same luxury or are married to someone as awesome as PC. He’s a rare find.  And I most certainly don’t judge women/men who cheat.

Anyway.  Most of them were pretty good pointers.  But one in particular caught my attention:

*DON’T DATE YOUR FLING- fuck, don’t date.

Hmmm…..  The main reason given- emotional involvement makes you more susceptible to slip-ups.  I obviously have a hard time wrapping my mind around this because I’m completely emotional.  I’ve talked about my inability to do “NSA”.  But also, I know of many people having affairs where it’s not ‘just fucking’.  I mean sure some of them are, but the majority I know of, no.  Hell, a good portion (that I know of) who either have or are having an affair, are doing so bc they seek not just sexual satisfaction that they are missing out on in their marriage/relationship, but also intimacy and an emotional connection.  I’m not sure becoming emotionally involved with the one you are cheating on necessarily increases your chances of ‘slipping up’.  To me, it seems like it almost decreases it…Hmm…  But what do I know.

IDK.

******

Happy HUMP day!!!

I fucking LOVE this pic……

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(vi.sualize.us)

I want to feel…
You kiss my neck.
Nibble my ear.
Breathe into it.

I want to feel…
Your lips on my throat.
my collar bone
on the back of my neck.

(vi.sualize.us)

I want to feel…
your mouth on my neck.
on my shoulder.
your teeth,
as they teasingly sink into me.

(vi.sualize.us)

I want to feel….
Goosebumps race down my spine.
Involuntary chills.
Involuntary responses.
To your lips.
Your mouth.
Your hands.

Breathily you whisper….in my ear.
How much you want me.
To fuck me.

I want to feel….
You.

~ xo Vixen

Mark: …..Poundcake is code for something dirty, right?
Callie: No!
Callie: So….. How was it?
Mark: Mind Blowing.
Mark: I pounded her cake and she pounded mine.  Excellent pound caking.
Callie: Pound caking is not a thing.
Mark: Whatever. I blew her mind.

~Grey’s Anatomy

Friday Favorites-

Oooo, there were some really awesome ones this week!  Please be sure to click the links and visit the lovely ladies if you haven’t done so already.  I give you thumbnails as teasers….  ~wink~

Barefoot Dreamer…..

Minority Report…..


Babe Lincoln…..

Pure Temptation…..

******

So I’m watching TV the other night and saw this commercial.  It is *hysterical*.  The ladies will get much more of a chuckle out of this then the boys I imagine (WARNING- it pertains to Puncuation….KWIM?).

****

So…  When you read ‘Young, Attractive Couple or Single Woman’.  Do I come to mind?  I’m not fishing for compliments.  *LOL* But what classifies a person as such?  I’m asking bc there is a nightclub that I’ve been intrigued with for awhile now.  They are hosting a Masquerade Lingerie Ball soon and I’d like to go.  But they cater to that demographic.  Anyone seen Knocked Up?  There is a scene where the two sisters (Katherine Heigl and Leslie Mann) show up to some Studio 54 type club and get laughed at and turned away by the Bouncer for being ‘too old’.  *snort* Talk about mortifying.  I’d like to try to avoid that.  *ahem*

*****

New York-New York keeps trying to tempt me with their $42 Vegas Rates.  Limited Time Offer! Book Today!  If I didn’t receive these offers like twice weekly I might feel a bit more inclined to feel a bit more special.  Sheesh!  But um seriously, who wants to go to Vegas?  *GRINS*

*****

TGIF Baby!  Gawd…what a freakin’ busy week.  Entertaining kiddos full time was a small taste of what summer holds. Although the difference (as long as we don’t have the worldsshittestsummerever- again) is that we would have spent more time at the park and pool.  Oh well, sa la vie.  Springbreak is just about over.  Two more months of school.  As of Monday things go back to normal.  Which also means having to be up by a certain time.  Sleep can be such a small luxury sometimes.  An overlooked one that can be relished when given the opportunity….  Wednesday was one of them.  *happy sigh* After a night spent with Yummy.  Including tequila (Don Ramon is causing me to become such a happy lush…..thanks again Roxy and Quicksilver ~giggle~).  The man seriously makes me….  Well.  You get the idea.

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love tho hear from you!)

I recently heard that in something like 20 states it’s illegal for a married person to cheat on their spouse.

I think once the court system steps in and starts trying to legislate morality, love and relationships we have a bigger  problem on our hands than the original ‘issue’.  Whether I condone or like cheating has nothing to do with anything.  I don’t think it should be criminalized.  Furthermore, making it illegal isn’t going to make it stop.

What do you think?  Should it be illegal?  And the bigger question in my eyes is….can you legislate morality?

******

~ xo Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love tho hear from you!)

So Tiger’s Mistress landed herself a job as a correspondent for Extra. The network is catching a lot of heat for hiring her.  Saying it’s in poor taste and what does it show…“you can do bad things and get rewarded”.

I’m annoyed by this.  Not that I condone what Tiger did.  But why is his mistress being singled out as the ‘bad guy’?!  SHE wasn’t the one married.  And what…she shouldn’t be allowed to be employed bc she had an affair with a married man????

(vi.sualize.us)

I guess it goes back to whether ‘the other woman/man’ should be blamed in an affair with a married person.  IMO, no.  If there is blame to be placed it should be on the married person cheating.  But I came across this article and found it interesting but at the same time rather outrageous.

In the business world, one can be held liable for tortiously interfering with a business relationship.  For instance, if a person convinces another to break his/her business promises or contracts, or prevents a business person from living up to the same, the meddler can be held liable to the injured party who did not receive the benefits of the business relationship.  Should there be a similar legal concept for marital relationships?  Isn’t that what these cheating partners do?…. convince a husband to break his marriage promises, interfere with the husband’s marital relationship, preventing the wife from receiving all the benefits of the marriage relationship to which she is otherwise entitled?

I think the part that causes me to bristle the most is this statement-

Isn’t that what these cheating partners do?…. convince a husband to break his marriage promises, interfere with the husband’s marital relationship, preventing the wife from receiving all the benefits of the marriage relationship to which she is otherwise entitled?

Key words….‘convince’ and ‘prevent’???  I would imagine there are some scenarios where an individual actively seeks out someone, to be with them, fully knowing they are married.  But frequently the ‘other’ party doesn’t even know they are having an affair with a married person until they’ve been in the relationship for awhile.  I still feel as if the responsibility falls on the married person.  The whole notion of  ‘convincing a husband to break his marriage promises’ is a cop out!  My favorite comment I came across in regards to this article was when someone pointed out that the law has no business interfering with people’s love lives and if you want that kind of drama, watch divorce court.  Ha!

I feel the same way about the the network being criticized for hiring Rachel Uchitel.  Since when does having affair mean you don’t have the right to earn an income?!

What are your thoughts?  I’m interested in hearing whatever you have to say regarding this matter…..

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love tho hear from you!)

The buzz in celebrity news right now is of course Tiger Woods and his numerous affairs.  Have you seen his wife?  Um…she’s fucking hot.  Makes you wonder WHY?!

What’s ironic is just a week or so ago my nail lady and I were discussing this similar topic.  She had read this article:

The NY Daily News reports on a new study in the Journal of Family Psychology that shows that couples are happier and more satisfied in their marriages when the man is less attractive than the woman. This could be partially due to the fact that men, the ones who are traditionally more likely to cheat, are less interested in other women when their wives are hot.

But she took it a step further by adding a theory she has, of not so much that one spouse is more attractive than the other, but she believes this-

She thinks “less attractive” men work harder to make you happy and adore you a lot more than “more attractive” men do. The article she read discussed the idea of an ugly guy = happy marriage saying that “When a woman looks better in a relationship she feels like she has nothing to worry about,” and “the men try harder so it makes for a better marriage.”

You have to wonder, with all the cheating going on in celebrity-ville, why do powerful men cheat?  Because they can?  Bc they’re so used to having it all and pushing to see if there’s anything they can’t have?

Let’s face it – the attention of a plethera of women/men (ok, lets be fair, women cheat too) throwing themselves at you is a powerful aphrodisiac!! And the more women/men wanting you, throwing themselves at you, could increase the likelihood of cheating.

No?  It seems a likely cause in why so many of them fail at fidelity.  And could this be the same reason handsome/beautiful women/men cheat?  Would you feel more secure in a relationship with a ‘less attractive’ spouse?

My opinion….  Does having others throw themselves at your feet increase the likelihood of cheating? Possibly.  BUT, I still stick with the simple fact that if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat.  Period.  If a person is capable of- is GOING to cheat, then they are going to cheat.  You go into a relationship trying to make it work, doing what you need to, loving them, adoring them, giving it your all.  When you don’t, they don’t…. things begin to fall apart.  Nor can you *control* another person’s actions.

How do you feel about this?

******

Happy HUMP Day!!!


(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love tho hear from you!)

There is a married couple.  Dan and Allison.  Dan had an affair.  A long term/relationship type of an affair.  Allison found out.  Shit hit the fan.  They decided to stay together and work through their problems.  A year has gone by.  She *still* can’t get over it.  It’s all she can think about it.  It haunts her.  They have sought counseling, both as a couple and her individually.  They are both miserable bc it’s what their life has become about.  It revolves around her not being able to get over it, her insecurities and him trying to gain back her trust.

A friend of hers basically told her- either decide that she WANTS to get over it or leave.  That she is torturing herself and her husband by wallowing in self pity and that Dan is likely to just leave for his own sanity if this behavior continues. 

Ok.  I have to agree.  If you chose to remain in a relationship after an affair at some point you have to get over it. YES it must suck and must be horrible.  But punishing yourself and your spouse for over a year isn’t helping.  And if she CAN’T move past it, you must leave, it must be over.  When the decision to stay is made, that includes the decision to move on.  Work on your relationship and move on with them or with out them.

Am I being too harsh?  What are your thoughts on this?

******

Happy HUMP Day!!!

(Tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love tho hear from you!)

A bit ago I was reading a blog (I think???) and something came up about infidelity and confronting ‘the other woman’. There was a mixed reaction bwtn commentors. But there was one comment in particular that jumped out at me….

“I’ve been on the receiving end of infidelity as the “wife”. I’ve made such a call, in my misguided youth. At the time I really just wanted to know if she knew he was in a relationship. In recent years I’ve concluded I don’t think it’s the “other woman’s” responsibility to look out for the wife or girlfriend. If your relationship is in need to repair, or tenuous, you know it, even if you’re trying to deny or ignore it.”

I had a good high school friend a few years back. He was in an unhappy, failing marriage. His wife didn’t trust him.  Maybe he shouldn’t have been trusted. He was a womanizer. But that is neither here nor there. The point was, him and I were friends. *FRIENDS* One day his wife texted me. Saying she had seen my number come up on his phone and demanded to know who I was. On another occasion she emailed me (I’m pretty sure she didn’t realize the number she had texted and the person she sent the email to were one in the same), saying she wanted me to stop ‘all contact with her husband’. Who KNOWS how many other people on his phone she contacted. Or emails she sent out. I took great issue with it. AND I WASN’T EVEN THE OTHER WOMAN!!! The fact aside that we were *ONLY FRIENDS* (*gasp* ….a male and a female being friends?!?! *rolling eyes*), it was absolutely ridiculous for her to contact me. What ever issues she had with her husband and her relationship, she needed to take it up with him. “Controlling” your husband’s actions through his contact list on his phone is pussy bullshit, IMO.

I guess I’m quite passionate about this topic. Bc it did, REALLY, piss me off for her to contact me.  I found it totally inappropriate and told him so.  Letting him know that if she were to contact me one more time I would freak the fuck out on her.  We are no longer friends bc the drama in his life got to be too much for me. I avoid drama like the plague. Him not so much.

My question to you is…..if you suspected and/or discovered your S/O was having an affair, would you contact the ‘other person’?  If you HAVE gone through this, did you confront that ‘other’ person???  I’m curious others stances (or experiences) with this.

Happy HUMP Day!!!

~xo