I’m ok.
I was drowning. It hasn’t been until recently… now that I’m feeling better… that I realized just how long I had been sinking. I became overwhelmed by just how…ugh… sad… I was. Losing Phoebe was the nail in the coffin…my breaking point…that sent me over the edge. I honestly haven’t been that depressed since my miscarriages ten years ago.
PC was worried I would never come back from that. In his concern…seeing my heart ache… Well, he has a way of knowing how to fill the hole in my heart. Nothing can or could replace Phoebe. But Annie needed someone to love her and I desperately needed someone to love.
She’s helped…A LOT. I’ve also gotten some outside help. And slowly…have come to a place where I feel mostly myself again. …can think normally. Or even at all. And smile. And laugh. And carry on a conversation… And sigh…function.
I’m not sure if I’ll be posting regularly again. Stepping away from blogging, the internet as a whole…has been refreshing. I realized I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would. It was becoming something that felt like more of a job than something I was gaining enjoyment from. It was aiding in overwhelming me…causing me to sink further… I have much better control over my emotions, my thoughts and feelings… I’ll figure out what I want to do..it just may take some time.
~ xo
