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Do you remember the friend I mentioned awhile back in my ‘Can we have sex already?!’ post… the one who was dating a guy who she really liked but he had yet to really make a move on her and they hadn’t had sex yet and it was bothering her?

Ok.  So.  Fast forward.  She did finally have a conversation with him, letting him know that she would like them to be sexually intimate and where the hell was he at (ok, worded more ‘delicately’, but you get the idea).  His point was he really enjoyed their friendship and was happy with things moving along slowly.

Well.  Alright.  Not really the ‘OMG NOW THAT I *KNOW*, I WANT YOU NOW, LET’S HAVE SEX!!!’ jump-her-right-there answer she might have hoped for.  But being someone who hasn’t had the best luck with long term relationships and most of them being all about great sex but not a lot of substance….she swooned a bit at the thought that he wanted something more in depth with her than ‘just sex’.

Hell, who can blame her?!  Although us on the outside silently cringed a bit thinking…..he doesn’t really care about sex.  Or at least, sex isn’t at important to him as it is her.  (and it’s very very important to her)  Which long term, could really be an issue. (I say this with certainty because I’ve seen it time and time again, several people close to me are in marriages like this and it’s not a good thing…)

Fast forward a bit more.  They had a blow up, broke up.  Have begun doing things together again, but this time under the understanding that they are *friends*.  My friend doesn’t want to only be friends, is hoping it will grow into more and the relationship will turn into what she hoped it would be since the beginning.  On the outside looking in, can’t help but think- he NEVER truly wanted to be anything more than friends with her!  I think she’s wasting her time, she should cut her losses and move on rather than pining away for something she hopes it will become when to me, it was clear it was never going to be anything more!

Yes?  No?  Should she continue ‘trying’ to get it to grow into more????

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

I read an article recently about a woman who sued her ex-boyfriend for giving her an STD.  And she won.  It’s raised a ton of controversy in the legal system.  Some experts believe such cases send a message that people need to take responsibility for their sexual behavior.

“If you engage in conduct that you know can cause harm to others, and fail to take precautions or give them an opportunity to opt out, you an hardly complain when you are held accountable” ~Areva Martin (author of “The Everyday Advocate”)

But others disagree saying we live in a highly ‘sue happy’ society, that because STD’s are so common, it could clog up our court system.  Pointing out that a ‘better fix’ than suing would be better sex education.

Now.  What made her case ‘news worthy’ was the type of STD she had.  HPV is difficult to prove transmission by a specific sexual partner because there is no HPV test for men and they can be carriers with out ever experiencing symptoms.  As well as it can lie dormant for years in a female, causing no symptoms or problems.

For the purpose of this CQW, I’m not wanting to dwell on which STD.  Just the over-all question of would YOU sue over an STD?

I was actually super surprised, when I researched this article and the facts surrounding the case, to discover how many people when asked this question said- NO.  Saying various statements like- the ruling seemed “over the top”, it was “unfair”.  One person even said something to the effect of- sometimes bad things happen to good people and you have to roll with it rather than look for people to blame.

Right.  Hmm…..

The case has sat with me.  I’ve read both sides (as best you can, neither of them have ever given interviews,  it’s just what is court documented) as well as the ‘for’ and ‘against’ points of views.  I think in this day and age, with STD’s being as widespread and ‘common’ (ack- I hate to use that term) as they are.  If someone willfully gives another an STD- as in KNOWS they have it and never make their sexual partner(s) aware of it- then YES.  That person should be held accountable.  Not taking accountability for one’s actions is a rather big character flaw in my opinion. It’s something we teach our children, it’s something I expect from other adults.

Now the question that comes up in my mind though is *would I*.  That I’m not sure about.  I’m inclined to say I probably wouldn’t.  I’m not someone who likes to be involved in the court system.  I am the utter opposite of ‘sue happy’.  It just probably wouldn’t be in my nature to take such action.

Would YOU?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

USA Today (then featured by Glamour magazine) had an interesting question that was posed to 1,000 people.

Would you rather give up sex for three months or gain 10 pounds. 

About half the women said they would rather give up sex.  A fourth of men felt the same way.  Hmm…..

Maybe I’m not the best person to ask this.  As someone who has battled an eating disorder, obviously I’ve been weight obsessed in my life time.  I love love love sex (surprise- ha!) but am pretty sure I could give it up for three months.  Because we’re talking ‘sex’…..there are many other things that can be improvised in place of actual sex.  *wink wink*  Gaining weight is huge to me (being pregnant being the exception).  Me not feeling good about my weight and therefore my appearance….’me’ in general sends me into a tail spin rather quickly.  Sad, but I’m being honest here.  It’s the truth.  Being somewhat horribly sexually frustrated/deprived seems easier to deal with than a tail spin.  To me.

Just watch out when the three months are over….  *wicked grins*

How about you?  What would you rather give up?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(weheartit)

So.  His wife cheated on him.  They have decided to work it out and try to stay together.  He has decided he wants to know everything.  As in….wants to read all the emails and texts, know all the details of the relations.  He feels this will help him figure out where/why things went wrong.  What he wasn’t doing ‘good enough’ that caused her to seek someone outside their marriage.  He thinks this will help him gain some ‘closure’.  But he also feels he has the right to know.  She was the one who cheated and was in the wrong.

(weheartit)

His wife feels super uncomfortable sharing all those details with him.  She thinks it is only going to hurt him more.  That if they are going to try to stay together, they should move forward and work on them as a ‘couple’, on their marriage and remove the focus from the affair.

I AGREE!!!!!  No good is going to come of reading those emails and texts. I have no idea the circumstances around him finding out she was cheating on him.  But IMO, it’s like adding salt to already fresh, open wounds.  I can kind of sort of wrap my mind around wanting to know some of the details of the affair. Possibly he might be able to gain some insight to why she cheated on him.  Possibly.  But I still believe, if they are going to stay together and move on, they need to focus on the repair of their marriage.  If he is going to forgive and forget, I would think the last thing he would want, would be the details!  Dwelling on hurtful evidence like emails, texts and intimate details aren’t conducive to him ‘moving on’. 

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

She’s found the man of her dreams.   They are young and in love.  She’s pretty sure he’s going to propose in the near future.  Her dreams come true!

Except.

Although.

He was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the prognosis is very grim.  It’s hit them both extremely hard.  He has basically told her his dying wish is for them to be married.  She has mixed emotions about this.  She is worried about the stress planning a wedding will put on him.  But also, as selfish as it sounds, she doesn’t want to be made a widow as such a young age. 

Should she be honest with him and tell him this and either turn down his proposal or even discuss this with him before he asks her?  Or basically, take into account his dying wish and do what makes him happy?

I guess my feelings on this is that, why wouldn’t she marry him?  She loves him.  They are in love.  It’s perfectly awful that he’s been diagnosed with cancer.  They are only experiencing the cusp of heartache in store.  But is she going to leave him because he has cancer?  She has said no.  It’s not like there’s this horrible stigma attached to being a widower….  I don’t understand her reasoning.  No one wants to be a widow.  But it almost feels like she’s more upset about being called a widow at some point, then the circumstances around her becoming a widow.  It’s his dying wish and I just don’t understand her perspective as to why she wouldn’t want to do that for him.  Give him that.

A different perspective I guess (that someone else has brought up) is…rather than ask him to marry him, maybe he should ‘set her free’.  Give her an out.  Don’t make her sit by him, as he suffers.

Thoughts?

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Dating strippers: Cool or not so hot?
We’re not ashamed to admit that the thought of dating an exotic dancer has crossed our minds, on occasion. Look at it this way: She’s confident, experienced and not afraid to be a real woman — in the bedroom or elsewhere. Strippers pride themselves on having great physiques, which they maintain to a tee, and they’ve got less hair on their entire bodies than Britney had on her shaved head.

But — and this is a rather large “but” — all those great things aside, could you make a dancer your full-time girlfriend? Sure, she’s sexy and has some jaw-dropping outfits for the bedroom, but could you bring her home to mom?

Ironically, I ran across this article while doing some research for a post a few weeks ago (THIS ONE) and tucked it away to address later.  Why I say ironically is because after meeting the oh-so-hot Thirteen/Amy Winehouse girl this past weekend who is an exotic dancer, this seemed fitting to discuss.

I’ve never actually talked candidly with someone who is an exotic dancer.  I mean I’ve talked to them while IN a gentleman’s club, but that is very different then in a social setting where you are kicked back, buying each other drinks, talking about each others lives.  You know?  My fairly vanilla sister, who has never been in a strip club of any kind, was fascinated.  Which, it was very enlightening and interesting to say the least!

Her boyfriend and her had recently broken up. I have no idea why really.  But between this article and then our night with her, it got me thinking.  I would imagine it might be difficult to be in a relationship with a stripper/dancer.  I think you would have to be very secure with yourself to not let her (I guess it could be a ‘him’ too, huh?) clients/job threaten/bother you. 

Could you date a stripper?

That said, it wouldn’t bother *me*.  I don’t judge people, I don’t care what their occupation is.  So I wouldn’t have a problem telling other people.  I try to look at all angles and not be jealous of situations.  I think I do a pretty good job…not saying I don’t have my moments.  But as long as I felt secure in *us* I think it would be fine. It’s a job.  As long as I feel like she’s into ME, and wants to be with ME.  Sure.  I guess though also, maybe there is a difference in dating someone and being in a relationship with someone.  Does that change things for me?  I don’t think so… 

Does it for you?

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

I recently heard of a new type of pre-nuptial contract, a non-monetary one.  Something called a ‘sex contract’.  There are variances to it but the general idea behind it is the wife-to-be agrees to be open for anything her husband wants to do (sexually) at any and all times.  In return, the husband-to-be promises to not look at porn- unless it’s with his wife or she picks it out, he won’t go to strip clubs- unless approved by his wife, and the most obvious- he can’t cheat.  Theoretically- by the wife agreeing to be his fantasy woman, he won’t have to go to outside sources.

Ummm….hmm….  There is a lot of criticism about this being controlling and unreasonable.  I’ve heard the subject of insecurity come up regarding this topic.  I know of some people who have a ‘contract’ of sorts and it does work for them.  I guess that is what is most important.  But in my mind, besides seeming controlling, most of all to me it seems unrealistic.  Sure, as a giddy soon to be married bride, it seems like something easy to agree to.  And as the groom, who wants to make his wife happy and is about to be consumed in ‘marital bliss’….it seems like something easy to agree to.  But, it raises concern for me long term.  I’m not a fan of signing contracts involving relationships.  What happened to agreeing to things and talking about them as they came up? 

Thoughts?

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(vi.sualize.us)

I have a friend.  She is in her early thirties and looking for “Mr. Right”.  She’s been dating this guy she is really, really into. They’ve been on 10 dates, 3 of those were sleep-overs.  One of which was a camping trip.  But. (you knew there was a “But”, right?) They have yet to have sex.  They’ve made out hot and heavy.  But it’s never moved past that.  She’s ready.  Each sleep over she thinks- ok, THIS is IT!  But no….

So now she’s becoming concerned.  Why hasn’t he made a move?  Why haven’t they had sex yet?  What is going on?  The concern at this point is after 10 dates, if this continues- them going out and having a good time with out it leading anywhere- aren’t they just friends????  Is he looking for ‘just a friend’???  Is he not interested in her ‘that way’???

My first thought is- What?!?!?!  TEN DATES AND NO SEX?!?!  I have no experience with this.  Clearly her and I are not the same.  *snort*  If I’ve been on that many dates with someone, we’ve had sex.  I’ve never dated anyone that long and not had sex.  Because if I *have* dated them that long, I know I am really, really into them, there is mad sexual chemistry (that CLICK I have talked about and *need* to continue seeing someone much less want to have sex with them) and want more so there has BEEN more.  I know at first she didn’t want to have sex bc she’s wanting to build a relationship. I get that.  But seriously…..at this point???

What’s going on?  Is this weird or odd?  A warning sign????

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Let’s say you work as an executive assistant.  And your boss’s wife has called several times to asking you if you think your boss is cheating on her.  You know your boss takes long lunches several times a week and often closes the door to his office when his cell phone rings.  And when you boss leaves for his long lunches, he instructs you to tell his wife that he’s with a client if she calls.

It feels an awful lot like you’re covering for your boss.  Which makes you suspicious but…hey your salary comes from him so how much of it is of your concern?  But you hate being caught in the middle.

Is it more important to be honest and let the concerned wife know her husband *might* be up to something?  Or to make your boss happy to keep your job?

My opinion?  HELLO!  Your boss pays your bills.  Your boss hired you to be his assistant  The wife did not hire you to be her spy, her informant.  You don’t even know for sure that he IS doing anything.  It may feel suspicious and like you are covering for him…but you don’t know.  And honestly, what business is it of yours anyway?!  The wife of the boss is putting an outside party unnecessarily in a very uncomfortable position. I’ve on several occasions discussed how I feel about that. The ‘scorned wife’ needs to handle issues with her husband on her own.  (and we don’t even know that she IS scorned!)  Confront him.  Try to catch him.  Hire a private investigator.  Whatever she feels necessary and wants to do.  But involving an innocent bystander- especially one who depends on the paycheck of one of the parties is inconsiderate and in poor taste.  You have no obligation to continue further conversation with the wife regarding this topic.

Thoughts?

*****

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

There’s this girl Laney.  She’s had a crush on a guy at her work FOREVER.  He’s amazing, they’ve been flirting for a long time and really seem to click.  The problem (for her) is he always seems to have a girlfriend.  She finally ‘gave up the dream’ that he’d ever be single and ask her out, so she started dating another guy.  They’ve been dating about two months and things seem to be going really well so far.

Here’s the problem though.  The guy she’s been crushing on forever finally asked her out.  She’s ecstatic and wants to say yes….  She doesn’t know what to do.  She would feel badly ditching the guy she’s seeing currently.  What if she were to break it off with him, date her crush and realize it wasn’t what she hoped it would be?  But at the same time worries, if she doesn’t see where things go with this other man she’ll always wonder ‘what if’???

Should she ruin a perfectly good relationship?  Should she go for the crush or stay with who she is with now?

Um….  I tend to be the ‘play it safe’ girl.  And I would probably stick with the guy I was dating and see where that goes.  I know this from experience.  That this is what I would do.  I’m not huge on taking chances.  I’ve become a lot more spontaneous over the years, but taking huge chances and changes…not so much.  I guess honestly, it depends on how serious things are with the guy she’s dating and calling her boyfriend.  If they were exclusive, then yeah, her accepting a date with someone else (with out his approval) would seem wrong.  But again, I’m not the best person to give advice on this topic though, I don’t think….

Your thoughts/advice?

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

~ xo

Vixen