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This week is a bit less ‘controversial’ than normal weeks, but they emailed the question.  So I’m posing it to you all.

Biff and his girlfriend are going on a romantic get away this weekend.  He wants to surprise her with lingerie.  The problem is he doesn’t know what size she wears and isn’t sure if he should guess big or small.  They don’t live together so he can’t sneak a peek at what she already owns.  He’s afraid if he guesses wrong she’ll be offended or have her feelings hurt. 

So which is better?  Going too big or too small?  If you were to receive lingerie, would you prefer to be given the wrong size too big or too small?

First of all, since he’s running out of time, if I were him, I would try really super hard to get into her pants between now and then.  Literally. (haha)  Try whatever means to sneak a peek at her size.  If that doesn’t work, then find a lingerie store where the sales people are friendly and able to offer good advice (ie…Victoria’s Secret as opposed to a JC Penny’s, kwim?).  The fortunate thing about many lingerie items, is that they are adjustable, fairly forgiving and their sizing can be somewhat ‘general’.

All that said.  If it were me, I’d much rather be given something too small to try to fit/work than something too big.  Lingerie that is baggy or too big is just not sexy.  I feel as if something too small can be made to fit for the time necessary.  Because, let’s be honest….lingerie isn’t meant to be worn for very long!  If so, you’re not doing it right… *wink*

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Her husband and her have been married for 6 years.  She is very in love with him. They have a child together.  She has reconnected recently with an old friend.  A female.  This female and her have developed a very strong sexual attraction to each other.  She would like to explore these feelings further with her female friend…..  But she’s stuck.  Does she tell her husband?  Does she see where things go with her friend?  Are her feelings even valid?

(weheartit)

First of all.  I fully believe she needs to have a conversation with her husband.  Open the the flow of communication… discuss her feelings, be honest with him, TALK with him.  She seems unsure of how she even really feels, she’s dealing with so many emotions on her own.  If they have a solid marriage she needs to/should be able to have a an honest discussion with him about this.  I have no idea what his reaction will be.  Regardless, it needs to happen.

If the conversation is unable to be had (at. all)- then that right there speaks volumes about them and their relationship.  But, how does she know if she doesn’t talk with him???  After they have spoken she can go from there.  But considering they are married, she’s in love with him, this needs to be talked about.

Depending on how her divulging this goes with her husband, she can decide how she wants to move forward.  I’m not an idiot, I’ve been around the block (a few times ….*wink*….) I KNOW this type of conversation can go down in a bad way.  I know I am much more open minded than many, but still…  She should feel the idea out with her spouse. 

Opinions?  Advice for her?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Jenny was out on New Years Eve with her boyfriend at a bar.  She was hit on by another guy several times.  Her boyfriend didn’t take much notice or do anything about it- and it really bothered her.  When she mentioned it to him later, he brushed it off and told her he’s happy other guys think she’s hot.  She wanted him to defend her though, to let this guy know, other guys know, that she’s HIS.  She doesn’t think this is a lot to ask for.

My opinion?  I think she’s being ridiculous. Coming from a past relationship where if another person even looked in my direction he would go ape shit and start a fight with them (verbal and/or physical) then turn around and blame *me* for prompting the attention by what I was wearing/how I was standing/the way I breathed [insert anything completely ridiculous]…..  I think Jenny is on crack.  What it sounds like to me is that she wishes she HAD a jealous boyfriend (?!?!?).  I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard of someone wishing for this.  Possibly I should hook her up with one of my ex’s!  Ok, in all seriousness, I have been on the opposite end of this situation.  I think she should feel extremely lucky that she has found a guy who is secure enough with himself and their relationship that it doesn’t bother him to have someone hit on her.  I personally find jealous behavior a huge, huge turn off.  If the guy were *bugging* her and wouldn’t leave her alone after she’d made it clear she wanted him to- then yes, that is a different situation and he should come to her aide.  (BFD had to do this for me one night in Vegas at Coyote Ugly…*grins*….)

What do you think?  Do you have advice for her?  Should be upset about this???

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

He met a girl at a bar, they ended up going home together and having fabulous sex.  They exchanged numbers and have been texting with one another.

He really likes this girl and would like to pursue it further.

Here’s the snag.  He can’t remember her name.  (DOH)  He’s not really sure how to go about finding out her name.  Because they’ve been texting back and forth he feels like the time to ask her has past.  Really he feels like- there never was a good time to re-ask her what it was.  Whatever he says to her is going to very possibly make him sound like a schmuck… who she wouldn’t want to see again anyways.

What does he do????  Any ideas?

I’m hoping someone can help him out because I have no clue what advice to give him!  I hope to never be in this predicament! (snort)

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

‘Tis the season for gift giving.  And it always comes up in some fashion- the appropriateness of who you give gifts to and what they are.  Awhile back I discussed in a CQW about ex’s exchanging gifts and under what circumstances it was or wasn’t ok.  So this is a bit similar but different.

Joe’s company does a gift exchange each year.  Each person is given the name of the person they are supposed to buy for.  Then at the company Christmas party everyone receives their gifts.  Joe was given a custom tailored beautiful/sexy shirt by a female co-worker.  It’s clearly expensively made.  His wife Karen is upset.  The shirt fits Joe perfectly and Karen is curious/confused as to how the female co-worker would know her husband’s exact size.  She feels this was an inappropriate gift and has asked him to return it to her.  The entire scenario makes Karen super uncomfortable.

Is Karen making too much of this or is he in the wrong for accepting it???

My view….
Is Karen making too much of this?  I don’t think so.  It would bother me that such an extravagant gift was given.  What would bother me even more is how exactly the female co-worker knew his correct size to have a shirt custom made.  That part is a bit odd to me.  Is he wrong for accepting it though?  No.  What was he supposed to do?  And Karen asking him to return it to the co-worker….what does that do?!  Joe can be gracious about the shirt as a gift but I think he’s now in a position to make sure he’s not sending this female mixed signals. 

Your thoughts?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

While at a game last week with his brother in law, Todd was introduced to a friend of his sisters (another guy).  They hit it off, he’s a hair stylist and gave his new friend his cell number.  Since meeting him last week he’s been receiving text messages, picture messages and the new friend has stopped in for a hair cut.

He thinks this guy is hitting on him.  And while he finds this new friend attractive….this guy- he’s since discovered- has a wife and baby.  The wife of this new friend is actually good friends with his sister.  He’s not sure if he should cut off contact with him, tell his sister what has been going on so she can warn her friend of what her husband has been up to….  He’s just completely confused.

Advice?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(vi.sualize.us)

I get this type of email fairly often.  Variations of course, but always the same type question from both men and women.

The latest email I received was something like this-

Over the last month he’s been dating a girl, they’ve been on several dates.  The dates have been good…but nothing special and he’s not really feeling a click.  Last weekend he met several of her friends.  One in particular he is really attracted to and she is much more his type.  He’s wondering if there is anyway to ‘transition’ (his wording) from her to one of her friends.  And how should he handle it?  Should he ask her permission? 

Basically- Is it ok if you’ve only dated a guy/girl a few times for her/him to go after one of your friends?

In my opinion…..  It’s a potentially sticky situation that needs to be handled carefully.  I think it depends on the girl.  I also think it depends on how much the girl liked the guy.  Another factor is the type of friendship the girls have with each other.  First things first though- he should break things off with the one girl.  Let things settle a bit, then contact the friend.  Talk with the friend about things, tell her where you stand.  That you would really like to take her out on a date, is really attracted to her.  See what she thinks. 

As far as wanting to date a guy’s friend.  I think they care less about these things. But I may be off base.  Hopefully some guys will chime in on this….

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(omg…HOT!!!)

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

~Ann Landers

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(vi.sualize.us)

Can you turn a friend with benefits relationship into a real relationship? Matt has had an FWB relationship with a girl for about 7 months and recently realized/decided he wants more.  He’s afraid to say something because he doesn’t want to lose the relations or the friendship. 

But how will he know if he doesn’t talk with her about it???

Does it ever work to flip an FWB into a real relationship?

*From a girl’s perspective….I don’t see why he can’t have an honest discussion with her about this.  ???  I don’t see why it would change things.  Either she’s on board too…or she’s not.  And if she’s not, she’ll tell him.  And then why can’t they carry on.  Either with the friendship only or with the FWB part too.  Maybe I’m being unrealistic.  But I know if it were me, I would have to say something.  Otherwise I would obsess and drive myself crazy (surprising, I know! *snort*).

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

***I get ideas for Controversial Question Wednesday many different ways.  This weeks is brought to you by an email I received from a friend of mine.  They gave me permission to post it verbatim….

(vi.sualize.us)

Let’s say you are talking to a friend about a person they are having an affair with. You are shocked and surprised that this person is having such a torrid affair and that it has been going on for such a long time. The friend is broken hearted over the affair ending, but you are there not to judge just lend moral support.

Now here is the clincher. As this person is telling you the long sad story without revealing the name you figure out who it is. What they don’t know is that person (the object of the affair) friended you on Facebook a couple of months ago. Now to be fair at the time they requested to be your friend you didn’t know about any relationship. All you knew was that your new friend was a friend of your friend, and that person had commented on a lot of comments you had made on friend’s page. You add the person because you think they might be interested in you right? Because your friend is married so they couldn’t be interested in them.

So after the person adds you, soon after comes the innuendo loaded emails (hot and heavy)… then sexting..then nasty (sexy hot) pictures. You know the traditional Facebook sequence! (haha)

The moment you realized who your friend is having an affair with all you can do is order more shots of tequila and keep your mouth shut. Should you tell your friend what a slut the love of their life is? Or do you keep your mouth shut?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(tumblr)

Kate and Ben have been married for three years.  Recently, inadvertently, Kate found out that Ben ‘experimented’ with other men in college.  Ben had not meant for Kate to find out.  But once she did, he gave her all the details and has told her he was young and experimenting- that that’s what people do in college.  He’s tried to reassure her that he knows what he wants now, isn’t ‘confused’ and knows he wants to be with Kate…  He hadn’t told her before for the exact reason that is happening now. 

She’s pissed and unsure that she even wants to stay married to him.  She mainly doesn’t think she can trust him since he kept this from her.  Something she views as pretty huge.  She also feels that you can’t be with other men and not still be gay.  She says she loves him but can’t ‘risk having kids with a guy that could leave her for another guy‘.

What are your thoughts?  Whose side are you on?

My first thought is…  Ben totally fucked up by not telling her.  IN THE BEGINNING.  Keeping skeletons in your closet is always bad news.  They are going to eventually fall out.  Like in this case.  And yeah….the fact that he kept it a secret all this time, it makes it feel like it was this “super, deep dark secret”.  Had he been upfront and honest with her when they were dating, she might feel differently.  No one wants to feel they know the person they married and then realize they really don’t, that the person they trusted and loved were keeping ‘secrets’  from them.  It does make a person wonder- what else are they hiding????

AND maybe if he had told her up front….he might have seen how close-minded she was.  And maybe HE wouldn’t have wanted to marry her.

I am annoyed at the fact that she doesn’t feel she can have children with him… “because he might leave her for another guy”. 

*rolling eyes*  

Did he tell her he was a virgin before they were married?  (I’m thinking not…)  I mean, shouldn’t she be worried he might leave her for another woman too?!  Ridiculous.  He married HER.  He fell in love with HER.  It doesn’t matter who he was involved with or had sex with previously….he chose *her*.  Hmm, insecure much?

So I see both sides.  But I have to say mostly, I’m on his side.  Because I don’t do well with such judgmental/close-mindedness that she is displaying here.

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen