(vi.sualize.us)

God, I’ve played around with how to write this post for days now.  I have had a jumble of thoughts, then just as I was getting them together and prepared (I thought) to sit down and put them to word…..PC and I had another one of our discussions. And it no longer seemed very clear to me.  I’m learning as we go along….how to keep things savy with PC and I, how to keep him in his happy place so that he doesn’t become insecure or jealous.  And honestly, sometimes I do a pretty damn good job and often I also really suck at it.  But I guess the biggest key is that we are always discussing things and how we’re feeling.  So bonus there.

I’ve tried to figure out how to explain ‘us’ to everyone and the why and the how.  I was feeling somewhat…..guilt ridden.  I think I got sucked into worrying too much about what others were thinking and in turn began feeling as if I needed to explain myself/us/our relationship.  Not a healthy path to be trolling down! Until two people I respect, admire and think quite highly of, made a couple comments to me that really made sense….

Emmy:
” -it has to work for the two of you. Whatever everyone else thinks is irrelevant. I mean, you only allow us a glimpse into your arrangement. No one should judge it all by that peek.”

TUG:
“I don’t think you should feel any need to share things on here if you really don’t want to. If people are having issues with the way things are being explained…too bad. I think PC explains things just fine. Don’t go past your “okayness” level for us.”

I mean, YES.  Duh.  My “AHA!” moment.  I need to quit being so worried about everyone else!  I worry, obsess enough already as it is.  The last thing I need is something else to obsess about!  So stop already!  (this is what I tell myself anyway….)

Different relationships work in different ways.  What makes one couple happy would break another up.  What one deems ‘ok’, might be very NOT ‘ok’ in another.  I read many different blogs, windows into peoples lives and their relationships and I always walk away very intrigued by how different everyone is.

PC and I have a unique marriage/relationship, in that we both walked away from very bad marriages.  Both with completely different dynamics.  But it was a learning experience for us both.  I was married to someone who became incredibly controlling as well as physically/mentally/verbally abusive.  And while it was awful and horrible, it caused me to grow into such a better person.  I might not be the person I am today w/o those experiences.  Most especially it caused me to realize what I wanted, what would make me happy and what I would *not* allow again.  So when PC and I became friends, we put it all on the line.  ALL of it.  The good, bad and the ugly, nothing held back.  All our kinks and things that made us tick, whether good or bad.  It strengthened us.  Rather than ‘pretend’ to be someone the other might like better, we just said “this is me, take it or leave it”.  We both had an incredible amount of baggage.  Me….basically broken and the fact I was bisexual, not wanting to give that lifestyle up.  And him with his ‘kinks’ that honestly, I hadn’t really encountered before.  And our goal was to figure out how to make it work.

So far so good and we just continue to become stronger and better together.

So I could go into the dynamics of feminized cuckholding and how it pertains to us (or rather we are *trying* for it to)……  But I think instead I’ll end with this blurb and then let be for now bc as I said, it’s something we are dabbling with/learning as we go.

Within the category of “cuckolds” there are subsets and nuances. The primary element differentiating “feminized cuckolds” from the cuckold pack is the inclusion of feminization. Beyond emasculation, or the removal of typical masculine characteristics resulting in merely a eunich state, feminized cuckolds proceed into the realm of true feminization, willingly or by “force” or coersion from their partners. All cuckolds can be said to gain pleasure (even the pleasure of humiliation) from their cuckold activities. All cuckolds have this in common: their wife or partner is seeking or receiving pleasure from sexual activities with another man.

Feminized cuckolds are the same, except most often, they have been feminized in some degree or another.

So there you have it.  For now.

Have a fabulous Monday!

~ xo

Vixen

(vi.sualize.us)

I’m not going to lie.  The last few months have been exhilarating.  I’ve become addicted to the thrill and excitement.  I’ve met some awesome guys. Most recently someone new (a local someone no less…think of the possibilites!) who makes the “Tall Glass of Yummy” from my birthday outing last fall pale in comparison (seriously….*swoon*).  And even made some great friends along the way.

This…what we are doing, PC and I.  Has stirred up many emotions and issues….or rather ‘topics of conversation’.  When PC moved here to be with me, when I was broken and in my downward spiral, it wasn’t easy.  It was HARD.  To pick up the various pieces, sift through the drama and make our lives together work.  But not in a ‘we can’t be together’ sort of way.  More in a ‘we need to work through this’.  

(vi.sualize.us)

Relationships, marriages…they take……require, work.  And if both parties aren’t working at it, it falters and fails. So we continue to work at ‘us’ and our communication.  But also continue opening what PC earlier called Pandora’s Box.  That I have found quite addicting.  And I think PC has as well. 

But at the end of the day, when you put all of that aside, the one I come home to.  Who my heart belongs to is PC.  He’s my happily ever after.  I would give it all up in a heartbeat if I had to choose.

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

This is seriously the funniest thing I have EVER seen.

Seriously!  Every time I watch it it makes me giggle.  You must watch it.  Now.  Go on, click play.  ~wink~

******

Man. I had THE. BEST (!!!!) time this weekend.

We went out for margaritas (the limit is 3 at our favorite place-seriously they are THAT strong……I had 3….DOH!) and mexican with friends Friday night.  Had a super good time, although please remind me next week why TWO is really plenty for me.

Saturday was my date.  My young Marine boy toy (haha…) flew in for Fuck Fest 2010 the night. To say we had a good time ….would be an understatement.  *wicked grin* My body is sore.  I’m worn out.  Ever so slightly hung over.  And exhausted.

(I’m considering posting details….interested?)

Don’t worry, PC was properly taken care of.  I put him in his happy place and kept him there while I was away. ~wink~

*******

Happy Monday!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

The next installment….

Ok.  So Friday night while we were out and about we were approached by a promoter for Rok Vegas.  He wanted to put us on the VIP list.  We had decided Saturday would be our ‘big night out’, dressed to the nines, etc. 

(Keep in mind we had already been drinking the. entire. day.)

We get into the club and I have immediate flash backs of NYE.  Not a single place to sit, we’re gonna have to stand the entire time, totally packed, difficult to get to the bar.  I about bitch slapped a group of girls that felt the one and ONLY bar in the place was where they should stand and chat it up.  Get your drinks and MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.  Fuck…you know?!  The 3 of us start noticing the VIP tables through out the club.  We had reservations for Spago the following night…we start thinking, who cares about food??! We’d MUCH rather have a kick ass time at the club.  So we made an executive decision to trade Spago for VIP service.  We talk with the manager and he immediately hooked us up. 

BEST. DECISION. EVER!!!!

(again remember, there was this steam/mist stuff the entire night, so some of the pictures seem a bit grainy/odd)

Next thing we know, we are swooped off to our very own private VIP area (Squee!!!), with booth, table, dancing area…..AND personal bouncer and cocktail waitress.  We were given center stage spots practically in the middle of the dance floor.

Here we are sitting in our swanky spot, super happy that we have a place to occasionally sit down our own special place. *GRINS*
(psst…notice the goof behind us?  *snort*)

Sis decided to show John (the manager at Rok Vegas) her uh, appreciation for totally hooking us up.  Notice Lam, our bouncer, ‘over seeing’ the situation.  *LOL* 
What is missing is the pic I took that didn’t came out where she was pulling John by his tie!  ROFL!  Too, TOO funny…..

 
***Oh side note.  John approached me at one point and told me a bit of a dilema he was in…. Normally men reserve these areas and he will pull aside hot females to invite inside their reserved section for them.  He wasn’t really sure what to do for us GIRLS.  *snicker*  Hello….you see hot ladies???  Send ‘em our way!  Bwahaha…..  Actually it worked out quite well.  We made some cool friends that night and had no problem finding fun people to party with.

We *heart* Lam….
He was awesome to us.  Not only did he keep people out of our section, but he let them in when we convinced him it was ok asked him to.  He took a TON of our pictures and kept us safe.  He was freakin’ *AWESOME*! 

And…..our fabulously smokin’ hot waitress.  She made our shots and margaritas directly at our table and took trips to the bar for us for any other needs (BEER, lol) so that we never had to leave our little swanky area unless we wanted to.  She rocked!
(BUT for the life of ALL of us, no one can remember her name?!!? W…T…F?!?!  It’s been seriously bugging me for a fucking week now…GRRRR!)

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Super stars….hehe……..

Showing off our fabulous shoes….Betsey Johnson rocks.

Shots anyone? (smokin hot girl anyone?)

Our cool little table

Ahhh…..The PATRON…  Me and Patron have a love affair going on. Mmmmm…..

Cheers!

Fun friends…..

I know you want me, want me
You know I want cha, want cha,
One two three four

*giggle*

I freakin’ LOVE this shot of my sis and I.

Ok, her feet hurt. Roxy ditches the shoes.

See?  Barefoot.

Again, thank goodness for Lam, he took so many of our fabulous pictures.  Memories were captured bc he was there for us.
Strike a pose!

Totally adorable Marine boys.  With Mardi Gras beads.  It was the beads people.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. ~wink~

Legs….and she knows how to use them…..

Girlies…..

The theme of that night.

What happens at 5am in Vegas?  Clubs close down.  *ahem*  Yeah…we totally closed the club down.  See what Vegas and Patron does to us?!  Hehe….  So what do we do?  We hit another club that hasn’t closed down yet!  Duh!

Hmm…Marine boys were invited to come along. 


[insert many pictures you will later find on the TFT site]

Well, so….  We tuck sis in at 6am (remember those super big margaritas with six shots of Patron that we got on Saturday….and she drank hers completely. on. her. own?! Um..yeah).  Roxy hits it at 7am.  And…Vixen makes it inside the room at *ahem* 9am. 

*wicked grin*

I was wired, jonsing something fierce for water (that for whatever reason we were stupid enough to run ran out of…..GAH!!!!!  I seriously would have paid $15 for a bottle of water at that point) and became Chatty Cathy (as my sister called me).  Finally, FINALLY fell asleep, aaaaand PC called. 
“Oh hi honey…yeah….what am I doing?  Uh, just going to bed.  Um, yes, I know…it’s….9 something. Uh-huh”
DOH!

Vegas you know…..  *snicker*

Sunday we slept. I think I made it downstairs for Starbucks at um, 1pm?  Yeah. It was like that.  My poor sister was THE most hung over that day.  I think Roxy and I were mainly just *TIRED*.  Or maybe my hang over just didn’t hit me until about 11pm Sunday.  We had fabulous plans like….going to a strip club.  We even heavily researched which one we’d hit.  The fabulous mall down the strip (you know we are shopping whores!).  What stories we would tell!  But no, no…after the way we all felt Sunday, it was a wash.  We went nowhere that day.  Ordered room service for sandwiches at some point in the day….with lots and lots of water.

The roller coaster we never made it too.  Damn!

NY NY lights…

Finally about 5? 6?  We decided we would join the land of the living and go have dinner at the posh Italian restaurant located downstairs inside the NY NY.  It was….disappointing.  *groan*  Honestly, the Minestrone soup (only vegan option on the menu) was fine.  But I know both Roxy and my sister weren’t super impressed with their meals.  Although STILL what we ordered that night, with drinks, was less than what those fucking appetizers came to at the Rain Forest Cafe.  *shaking head*

By Sunday night our feet were toast.  Two full nights (one of those including pulling an all nighter no less) of fabulous shoes left our feet wrecked.  Hung over and the thought of stuffing our feet in more fabuous shoes made us all literally *CRINGE*.  No….  We’re cool.  We decided to say fuck it go much more casual.

My feet are still recovering from spending all night Saturday dancing in my Bj’s.  *ouch*  Sacrifices, sacrifices though, we would all totally do it again in a heartbeat. 

We hit Coyote Ugly our last night.  They/we had an abundance of Jello Shots.
(and adorable Marine boy toy from the previous night…:::grins:::….hmmm…….)

The Coyotes were in rare form that night.  Bwtn calling out the London guy in his much-too-tight skinny jeans to the other dude in his argyl sweater vest that one of them literally made him take off….hahaha!!!!

Then there was this dude.  A total rocker dude that one of them insisted on putting ponytails on.  Bwahahaha!!!!

Ok, there was this chick who was dressed insanely Pin-Up girl hot.  Hot Hot Hot.

Coyotes….  The one in black, and then the other in peach were fucking *AWESOME*.  They put the others to shame they were *THAT* good. (again…how can I ever go to our Denver one and have a good time bc ours pale in such comparison to these girls?!?!)

Probably ideally, we would have had one more night.  To whoop it up a bit more.  As Sunday night wore on, I realized I was increasingly more hung over.  Roxy and Sis were feeling rough and really, you can’t BE at CU with out being called out to have fun. 

I did have a slight confrontation with a dude standing behind me.  And then another at the bar.  Apparently it was “I’m a stiff asshole” night…  *grumble grumble*  I have a long standing reputation for not taking shit at bars.  I’m so totally NOT a confrontational gal but fuck with me in a bar…um yeah, not gonna be down with that.

Not a one of us would change anything about our trip.  Yeah…we only made it two blocks from our hotel the entire time we were there.  Yeah…the food fucking sucked ass.  But we thoroughly enjoyed every. single. night we were there.  Pulling the all nighter Saturday was probably the most fun and memorable night I’ve had in years…… 

And the best of all was I stepped outside of my norm, no holding back.  No worries.  No cares.  (Permission for naughtiness does that to a gal ~grins~) We all had the most awesome experiences we could imagine.

Sadly, the best meal I had while there was the lettuce, onion and swiss cheese sandwich on Rye (you really can hardly call that a vegetarian sandwich, lol) that we had the very last day were were there.  We grabbed sandwiches from the NY deli inside our hotel.  The guy making the sandwiches had THE biggest crush on Roxy.  (hehe…)

Would we do it again?  In a fucking HEARTBEAT. 

Do I have stories to share involving adorable Marine boys?  ABSOLUTELY.  The question is…when?  ~wink~

~ xo

Vixen

Friday Favorites-
Thanks everyone for all the great input last week regarding my ‘right clicking disabled’ dilemma.   Many of you brought up some great points.  One of them being how easy it is to take the pics anyways (although still difficult to maneuver links).  Which is true.  What I had decided though is if someone had decided to disable this on their site, then I would respect that.  In the future what I will be doing is featuring the thumbnails of the hnts I have previous permission and was able to attain their images.  And if not, links I suppose.

Petal.…. Damnnnnnnn girl!

Ms. Scarlett….. This is beautiful.  Very goddess like.


Margaret, They Belong To Us…..She’s doing a series and this has been one hellova one.


Elle, Kink Unleashed…..I’m in lust over her outfit. (sheesh…ok ok, her too, but still…*grins*)

Diana…..  You must-must-must go see the full pic for yourself.  She’s sexy as hell and he’s an outstanding photographer.  Don’t miss this one!

Southern Girl….. I only gave you a snippet, what are you waiting for?  Go check her out, she’s worth it.

Click on the links and go visit the girls!

******

Sheesh.  Vegas was….an experience.  A totally, awesome, incredible one.  It was something I wasn’t sure would ever happen.  A surreal experience that me and my two bestest friends (who are also TOTAL party animals) would get to go to SIN CITY of all places (I think Mardi Gras is in our sights next ;).  Anyway. 

Since being back…..
I find my mind reeling so much so that I’m unable to sleep even though I feel *exhausted* all. the. time.

While out there I met a boy.  A completely adorable Marine boy.  I use the term boy bc the kid is uh, young…. (shaking head).  ME who isn’t even into men found myself attracted to and swept up in one.  It would have been a lot easier had it been a female.  So I’m dealing with those emotions/feelings as well (weird!).  Gotta tell ya though….flattered as HELL that some kid would be into me.  ~grins~ 

Since being back….
All I’ve wanted to do is spend time with PC, we’ve sat or laid in bed together talking for hours about my trip and us.  While I had an incredible time, I missed him.  We don’t do much apart.  He works from home, we see a lot of each other.  And rather than be sick to death of one another, it’s just who we are, what our relationship is.  It’s how we’re comfortable and happy and function.

The GOOD news (for me) though is that I feel a lot more like *me* again.  For a bit I’ve felt as if I fell in this rut.  I’d lost my ‘groove’, my flirt….what makes me, ME.  And I’ve found it again.  The fun, flirty, playful me.  Which is who I prefer to like to be.  *happy sigh*

*****
Well, so it’s the weekend…..  Have a kick ass Friday!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen