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I read an article recently about a woman who sued her ex-boyfriend for giving her an STD.  And she won.  It’s raised a ton of controversy in the legal system.  Some experts believe such cases send a message that people need to take responsibility for their sexual behavior.

“If you engage in conduct that you know can cause harm to others, and fail to take precautions or give them an opportunity to opt out, you an hardly complain when you are held accountable” ~Areva Martin (author of “The Everyday Advocate”)

But others disagree saying we live in a highly ‘sue happy’ society, that because STD’s are so common, it could clog up our court system.  Pointing out that a ‘better fix’ than suing would be better sex education.

Now.  What made her case ‘news worthy’ was the type of STD she had.  HPV is difficult to prove transmission by a specific sexual partner because there is no HPV test for men and they can be carriers with out ever experiencing symptoms.  As well as it can lie dormant for years in a female, causing no symptoms or problems.

For the purpose of this CQW, I’m not wanting to dwell on which STD.  Just the over-all question of would YOU sue over an STD?

I was actually super surprised, when I researched this article and the facts surrounding the case, to discover how many people when asked this question said- NO.  Saying various statements like- the ruling seemed “over the top”, it was “unfair”.  One person even said something to the effect of- sometimes bad things happen to good people and you have to roll with it rather than look for people to blame.

Right.  Hmm…..

The case has sat with me.  I’ve read both sides (as best you can, neither of them have ever given interviews,  it’s just what is court documented) as well as the ‘for’ and ‘against’ points of views.  I think in this day and age, with STD’s being as widespread and ‘common’ (ack- I hate to use that term) as they are.  If someone willfully gives another an STD- as in KNOWS they have it and never make their sexual partner(s) aware of it- then YES.  That person should be held accountable.  Not taking accountability for one’s actions is a rather big character flaw in my opinion. It’s something we teach our children, it’s something I expect from other adults.

Now the question that comes up in my mind though is *would I*.  That I’m not sure about.  I’m inclined to say I probably wouldn’t.  I’m not someone who likes to be involved in the court system.  I am the utter opposite of ‘sue happy’.  It just probably wouldn’t be in my nature to take such action.

Would YOU?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

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USA Today (then featured by Glamour magazine) had an interesting question that was posed to 1,000 people.

Would you rather give up sex for three months or gain 10 pounds. 

About half the women said they would rather give up sex.  A fourth of men felt the same way.  Hmm…..

Maybe I’m not the best person to ask this.  As someone who has battled an eating disorder, obviously I’ve been weight obsessed in my life time.  I love love love sex (surprise- ha!) but am pretty sure I could give it up for three months.  Because we’re talking ‘sex’…..there are many other things that can be improvised in place of actual sex.  *wink wink*  Gaining weight is huge to me (being pregnant being the exception).  Me not feeling good about my weight and therefore my appearance….’me’ in general sends me into a tail spin rather quickly.  Sad, but I’m being honest here.  It’s the truth.  Being somewhat horribly sexually frustrated/deprived seems easier to deal with than a tail spin.  To me.

Just watch out when the three months are over….  *wicked grins*

How about you?  What would you rather give up?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(weheartit)

So.  His wife cheated on him.  They have decided to work it out and try to stay together.  He has decided he wants to know everything.  As in….wants to read all the emails and texts, know all the details of the relations.  He feels this will help him figure out where/why things went wrong.  What he wasn’t doing ‘good enough’ that caused her to seek someone outside their marriage.  He thinks this will help him gain some ‘closure’.  But he also feels he has the right to know.  She was the one who cheated and was in the wrong.

(weheartit)

His wife feels super uncomfortable sharing all those details with him.  She thinks it is only going to hurt him more.  That if they are going to try to stay together, they should move forward and work on them as a ‘couple’, on their marriage and remove the focus from the affair.

I AGREE!!!!!  No good is going to come of reading those emails and texts. I have no idea the circumstances around him finding out she was cheating on him.  But IMO, it’s like adding salt to already fresh, open wounds.  I can kind of sort of wrap my mind around wanting to know some of the details of the affair. Possibly he might be able to gain some insight to why she cheated on him.  Possibly.  But I still believe, if they are going to stay together and move on, they need to focus on the repair of their marriage.  If he is going to forgive and forget, I would think the last thing he would want, would be the details!  Dwelling on hurtful evidence like emails, texts and intimate details aren’t conducive to him ‘moving on’. 

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(vi.sualize.us)

I have a friend.  She is in her early thirties and looking for “Mr. Right”.  She’s been dating this guy she is really, really into. They’ve been on 10 dates, 3 of those were sleep-overs.  One of which was a camping trip.  But. (you knew there was a “But”, right?) They have yet to have sex.  They’ve made out hot and heavy.  But it’s never moved past that.  She’s ready.  Each sleep over she thinks- ok, THIS is IT!  But no….

So now she’s becoming concerned.  Why hasn’t he made a move?  Why haven’t they had sex yet?  What is going on?  The concern at this point is after 10 dates, if this continues- them going out and having a good time with out it leading anywhere- aren’t they just friends????  Is he looking for ‘just a friend’???  Is he not interested in her ‘that way’???

My first thought is- What?!?!?!  TEN DATES AND NO SEX?!?!  I have no experience with this.  Clearly her and I are not the same.  *snort*  If I’ve been on that many dates with someone, we’ve had sex.  I’ve never dated anyone that long and not had sex.  Because if I *have* dated them that long, I know I am really, really into them, there is mad sexual chemistry (that CLICK I have talked about and *need* to continue seeing someone much less want to have sex with them) and want more so there has BEEN more.  I know at first she didn’t want to have sex bc she’s wanting to build a relationship. I get that.  But seriously…..at this point???

What’s going on?  Is this weird or odd?  A warning sign????

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

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Let’s say you work as an executive assistant.  And your boss’s wife has called several times to asking you if you think your boss is cheating on her.  You know your boss takes long lunches several times a week and often closes the door to his office when his cell phone rings.  And when you boss leaves for his long lunches, he instructs you to tell his wife that he’s with a client if she calls.

It feels an awful lot like you’re covering for your boss.  Which makes you suspicious but…hey your salary comes from him so how much of it is of your concern?  But you hate being caught in the middle.

Is it more important to be honest and let the concerned wife know her husband *might* be up to something?  Or to make your boss happy to keep your job?

My opinion?  HELLO!  Your boss pays your bills.  Your boss hired you to be his assistant  The wife did not hire you to be her spy, her informant.  You don’t even know for sure that he IS doing anything.  It may feel suspicious and like you are covering for him…but you don’t know.  And honestly, what business is it of yours anyway?!  The wife of the boss is putting an outside party unnecessarily in a very uncomfortable position. I’ve on several occasions discussed how I feel about that. The ‘scorned wife’ needs to handle issues with her husband on her own.  (and we don’t even know that she IS scorned!)  Confront him.  Try to catch him.  Hire a private investigator.  Whatever she feels necessary and wants to do.  But involving an innocent bystander- especially one who depends on the paycheck of one of the parties is inconsiderate and in poor taste.  You have no obligation to continue further conversation with the wife regarding this topic.

Thoughts?

*****

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

There’s this girl Laney.  She’s had a crush on a guy at her work FOREVER.  He’s amazing, they’ve been flirting for a long time and really seem to click.  The problem (for her) is he always seems to have a girlfriend.  She finally ‘gave up the dream’ that he’d ever be single and ask her out, so she started dating another guy.  They’ve been dating about two months and things seem to be going really well so far.

Here’s the problem though.  The guy she’s been crushing on forever finally asked her out.  She’s ecstatic and wants to say yes….  She doesn’t know what to do.  She would feel badly ditching the guy she’s seeing currently.  What if she were to break it off with him, date her crush and realize it wasn’t what she hoped it would be?  But at the same time worries, if she doesn’t see where things go with this other man she’ll always wonder ‘what if’???

Should she ruin a perfectly good relationship?  Should she go for the crush or stay with who she is with now?

Um….  I tend to be the ‘play it safe’ girl.  And I would probably stick with the guy I was dating and see where that goes.  I know this from experience.  That this is what I would do.  I’m not huge on taking chances.  I’ve become a lot more spontaneous over the years, but taking huge chances and changes…not so much.  I guess honestly, it depends on how serious things are with the guy she’s dating and calling her boyfriend.  If they were exclusive, then yeah, her accepting a date with someone else (with out his approval) would seem wrong.  But again, I’m not the best person to give advice on this topic though, I don’t think….

Your thoughts/advice?

*****

Happy HUMP Day!!!

~ xo

Vixen

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(vi.sualize.us)

Awhile back there was a TMI question that caught my interest.  I know I don’t really play anymore…nor have I contributed in quite sometime (when Professor Fate stepped down, I did half consider adding it to my plate full time, but decided running the two blogs I already have is probably more than enough).  But I was pleased when Mistress L took it over and occasionally in my blog reading rounds I’ll catch some of the questions.  ANYWAYS (lol).

Commando: Sexy or disgusting?

I have a panty obsession. I love buying them. I love having them in my drawer. I mean, the amount of panties I have in my drawer is insane.  But I don’t love wearing them.  Some people have special occasion panties, well special occasions are when I wear panties.  I do although like panties on a girl.  Frilly, lacy, cotton, thong, v-string, boy shorts…..I love them all.  But also the knowing that she’s NOT.  My hand slipping up a girls thigh, under her skirt….only to realize, Ooo….none.  HOT.  To slide my hand down her jeans, in a passionate moment where I’m kissing her and…. OH, none.  HOT.  When a girl bends over and her shirt slips up, exposing a bit of her lower back….it’s questionable about whether I’m hoping to see a bit of panties showing or….nothing.  I do believe, for me, that there is a time and a place for them.  I wear them for two reasons- to make a good impression and/or out of necessity.  I was also taught by a girlfriend in high school, that you bra and panties should always match and they in turn to what you are wearing.  Silly, I know.  But to this day, the OCD/neurosis in me- I can’t NOT match.  Doh.

Oh.  And on a side note.  I have known many guys who practice the ‘commando’ route.  I have no issues with it.  Unless your junk is hanging out for everyone to see.  Then I have um…slight issues.   (lol)

So, slightly less than controversial and even more slightly trivial.  But still…. sexy or disgusting?

*****

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

How important is the past when you enter a new relationship?  Do you believe in full disclosure?  Partial Disclosure?  What IS important information to disclose?  What is completely unimportant?  Is it ok for couples to keep ‘big’ secrets  from each other? Like credit-card debt, plastic surgery, criminal records????  What about reasoning behind a break up of a past relationship?  I mentioned in last weeks post that some people believe this can cause greater issues.  That it’s not only unnecessary but not wise to discuss each others pasts, most specifically past relationships. 

I came across this:

I’ve often said… and I still believe… that a relationship is not a
deposition. Not only are you not required to answer every question
truthfully, no relationship could long survive the kind of “full
disclosure” reveal-a-thon that so many backers of “honesty” seem to
support. All healthy, lasting, long-term relationship are built on a
foundation of lies—from the outset. When you first meet someone you
don’t present your honest & true self to them, warts and all, so
that they can make an informed choice about dating you. Nope, you
present the best possible version of yourself, a sort of Potemkin
boyfriend/girlfriend  ~Found HERE

Ok, whoa whoa… What?! A foundation of lies?!  Would I enter a relationship and never want to ask questions and have answers regarding someone’s past- NO.  I am of the mind frame that people should be honest with each other (saving feelings in certain situations is ok, kwim?), especially in a relationship.  It’s a well known fact that this is how PC and I operate in our marriage AND is most likely a key ingredient in the ‘glue’ that holds it together.

Do I think every relationship *must* have full disclosure?  No…..not neccessarily.  But knowing about past relationships, why/how they broke up, details of your life and PAST…to me, seem pretty important!  Obviously, I am quite honest, it’s how I like to be. I’m not a secretive person, it’s not who I am.  I’m not GOOD at it, lol.  Hell, I’m the person that is probably going to tell you waaaaay more than you want to know about me. (Seriously…)

Your thoughts?

******

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

(vi.sualize.us)

Would it bother you if you discovered someone you were dating/your spouse/partner had hired and been with a prostitute?

Nikki (*not her real name) and her boyfriend were discussing people they had previously slept with (BTW, some believe that alone isn’t a conversation they should have been having in the first place- but that is next weeks topic, check back).  And it came up that he had hired a prostitute at one point, in his past when they weren’t together.  Nikki is shocked.  In her words-

“I’m disgusted by him. I can’t look at him the same and I think it’s gross that he would pay to have sex with some nasty girl. So I think he needs to do some soul searching, go get some tests done, and promise that it was a one time thing before he considers getting close to me again.”

Wow. Um…kind of harsh, no?  One would assume this is something he did in his past.  Prior to a relationship with her.  Does it really matter that he paid for sex? Sex seems like sex, seems like sex.  I’m not really understanding the ‘issue’ with this.  Possibly if he had cheated on her with a prostitute, I could grasp her point….  But I’m just not, in this case.  I might just not be ‘getting it’.

Thoughts on her dilemma/reaction????

******

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

There is a married couple.  A few years back they were having issues/times got tough and the husband began reading his wife’s diary.  Out of desperation, he claims, to get an ‘inside view’ on her thoughts and what was going through her head at the time.  He used the information he read in her diary to help ‘fix’ the problems they were having.  It worked and he feels it saved his marriage as a result.  He’s continued to check it from time to time, just to make sure he’s still on track.  Well, he got caught.  His wife is extremely upset and is now threatening to leave him and file for divorce because of this.

*SIGH*

Ok, before I go into a full tilt rant….  To play devil’s advocate for a small moment.  In his boy brain I guess I can kind of, sort of see what he was doing.  That he was doing it to try to help fix what was wrong.  He felt desperate.  Boys like to fix things.  And hey! It worked. So why stop.

But. BUT!!!!!  OH HELL FUCKING NO.  You do NOT… NOT NOT NOT  read anyone’s personal/private ‘stuff’ with out permission.  Email, IM’s, Texts, letters, DIARIES!!!!!  The minute you do something like that, that invasive, all trust is lost and in regards to me, all bets are off.  Deal breaker right. then. and. there.

One (of the maaaaaaaaaaaaany) danger with reading someone else’s personal stuff is you are only reading a snippet of a conversation/topic.  Which can SO totally be taken out of context.  I’ve seen couples get in arguments, full out battles over shit bc of this.

But what it really comes down to is YOU ARE INVADING SOMEONE ELSE’S PRIVACY. I escaped a relationship where my every movement was traced, followed, watched.  For nothing.  I wasn’t doing anything to prompt this behavior or treatment (the most ludicrous thing is, he was….he’s the proof to the statement that the guilty accuse others to deflect attention from their own indiscretions).  Being stalked like that makes you feel like a paranoid, crazy person.  If you had ANY wonder how I became so neurotic, there you go….  I had nothing to hide.  There was nothing to hide. Just bc I don’t want you to read my email or my diary or my whatever, does NOT mean I’m doing anything wrong.  Just sayin….

I feel quite passionately in regards to this (as if you couldn’t tell).  PC is a computer genius.  He could tract down every word I write on the internet…email, IM, computer history, text.  He has the ability to hack into every single account I have.  But he doesn’t (well, unless I ask bc like a ditz I occasionally lose a password or get locked out of an account- DOH).  It takes (took) a HUGE amount of trust for me to not have a fucking anxiety attack knowing this.  He wouldn’t. 

For me it comes down to the respect you have for another person.

*steps off soapbox*

But what is YOUR take?  Is she over-reacting?  Was he wrong?  How wrong?  Are his actions forgivable?

******

Happy HUMP day!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen