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“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
~Ernest Hemingway

So here is the deal…. Jordan and Diane are married and in a debate over his best friend (of 20years) bachelor party.  It’s taking place in Vegas and she does NOT want him to go.  He loves his wife and says he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their relationship.  All of his other friends are going and not only will it destroy tradition but it will be a huge slap in the face to his best friend.  He’s told her about the crazy nights they’ve had together in the past and she knows things can get pretty out of control.  She says she loves her husband and trusts him completely, but she doesn’t trust his friends.  That they have a way of making him do things he might not usually do.  As a compromise she has suggested the possibility of her going with him to Vegas.

Ok…  As I’ve said before…  Is she married to her husband or her husband’s friends??  Who the fuck cares if she trusts his friends or not.  She is MARRIED to her husband.  And she either trusts him or she doesn’t.  Restricting him, forbidding him from doing things he wants to do, etc is going to back fire on her.  She doesn’t own him, she’s married to him.  She may not love the idea of him going, but if she were perhaps supportive, suggested some ‘ground rules’, etc it’s most likely going to benefit their relationship more so than the tactic she’s taking. 

And the whole idea of her going with him?  No…….totally disagree with that!  Again, she’s married to him, not his fucking babysitter!  If she wants to go to Vegas, he can take her on a trip for the two of them.  Unless there is a bachelorette party going on there as well that she’s been invited to, she has no business following him there on his guys trip.  I mean seriously…come on.

*****

BTW, TFT made it up late Tuesday afternoon!

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

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~ xo

Vixen

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Alrighty, so Angie overheard her boyfriend talking with some of his buddies about another chicks ass.  They were being crass about it and she was shocked, annoyed and then the more she thought about it…hurt, that her man would participate in not only oogling this other chicks um, assets but also speaking ‘appreciatively’ about it.  She thinks because they are in a committed relationship he should only have eyes for her.  That once a couple becomes a couple, he should have lost the ‘bro’ speech.  She’s contemplating breaking up with him over this.

Um….wow.  How tightly is she holding his balls???  I think the term that comes to mind is ‘pussy whipped’.  So, he not only has to stop being a guy with his friends…but she also expects him to stop looking.  Huh…I’m wondering how badly this is going to backfire on her.  Because uh, really?!?!?!?  Next thing you know she’s not going to ‘allow’ him to go out with his friends either.  *rolling eyes*  Looking and openly admiring another girl among his friends is normal and harmless!  I can’t even fathom how she would feel if she found out he wanted to go to a strip club!

Shit.  I point out chicks to PC all the fucking time.  He points them out to me.  We admire them together.  My friends and I admire other guys and girls.  I would fully expect PC’s guy friends to point out girls with him too.  PC also flirts with other girls… *gasp!* …oh the horrors!  *snort*  I mean, seriously???  Angie is acting waaaaaaaay insecure.  And I think this is going to bite her in the ass. Being in a relationship and off the market doesn’t equate to dead. I mean SHEESH!

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

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Arnold Schwarzenegger is rumored to have said he started stepping out on Maria because she was denying him of relations. Season 2 of The Real L Word started back up this last weekend….one of the lesbian couples have been involved/living together for 6mo and talk about going through a ‘dry spell’ and one of the females is quite disgruntled over this. 

Which brings up the question…
Do you think being in a sexless marriage for a long period of time encourages someone to cheat?

Encourage them?  HELL FUCKING YES.  YES. IT. DOES.  Now…whether it makes it *OKAY* ….I guess that in my mind is more debatable.

If I were to pick apart the lesbian couple experiencing a ‘dry spell’ after having been together for 6 mo…  Hmm…that sets off warning bells all over the fucking place for me.  If after 6mo you aren’t still ‘doing it like bunnies’ (to put it bluntly..haha) um, hello…PROBLEM!

But back to the original question.  I absolutely think if you with hold intimacy and sexual relations from your partner you are ‘encouraging’ them to go elsewhere.  We all have needs.  And if you decided together- as a couple- to not..then fine.  But otherwise I feel like you do what you can to please each other.  Intimacy and sex are extremely important *to me*.  With out it…I have no connection and the relationship is doomed.  Now…what is ‘acceptable’ and falls with in that definition might be different depending on the couple.  Now does it make it ‘ok’ to step out and cheat…eh…nooooo…..but I certainly understand it.  I do.  Sex/intimacy is important people!  (and I say both because I know people who cheat because they crave *intimacy*…almost more than the sex)

Thoughts?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

So….”Jane” normally goes on vacation with her boyfriend (long term…they live together) but he couldn’t go this time so she went away with three of her friends.  One of the nights she got really drunk and ended up sleeping with a guy she met at a club.  She really loves her boyfriend and feels an enormous amount of guilt.  She hasn’t said anything to him but he can tell something is wrong.  She’s really afraid that if she tells him he will leave her. 

Should she come clean or try to move past her guilt and not tell him???

IMHO…
Ugh….Whenever this comes up I always have such mixed feelings.  She feels an incredible amount of guilt.  Is she telling him so she won’t feel as guilty???  Because that seems selfish.  She’s going to devastate him just so she doesn’t have to carry the burden of the guilt of her indiscretion?

I’m a pretty huge fan of being honest.  Of being up front…about my intentions, what I’m going to do, what I’ve done.  I hate cheating.  I by no means am proud of some moments in my past.  But the fabulous thing about growing older is you can (hopefully!) learn from your mistakes.  I think if this truly was a one time thing…and she truly does love him…that she shouldn’t tell him.  Especially if she thinks it will destroy them.

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

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~ xo

Vixen

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The sexy nymph Gigi needs some advice…  She is newly-ish single and out on the playing field dating. 

I was wondering at what point do you call someone your s/o? How open should I be that I’m “seeing” 3 diff guys right now?
I was lied to in my last relationship so I think honesty is the best… but when should the honesty start? Out of the gate? or after the talk of being exclusive?

Ok.  Here is my two cents…
I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating/seeing more than one person at the same time.  If you are trying out the waters, hoping to find that ‘right’ guy/person.  Date away.  But, I do think you should be honest with each of them that you are seeing other people.  Pretty early on I think they should know you are.  Maybe not on the first date, lol. 

“Hi I’m Jim”
“Hi Jim, I’m Gigi. I’m dating 2 other people.  Nice to meet you.”

*giggle*

And maybe the number of other people isn’t necessary…but that fact that there are other people I do consider important information that needs to be shared.  If the relationship(s) becomes intimate, then I absolutely think you need to be honest with each of them you are seeing.  If I’m having sex with another person, I want to know if they have other sexual partners.  I think it’s your responsibility to know and let others know.  Not to mention if we are talking about ‘feelings’. I just think if you are honest up front, then there is no later uncomfortableness.

I definitely don’t think you should wait to drop the bombshell that you have been seeing other people for when the talk of being exclusive comes up!  No one wants to feel blind sided like that.

As far as what point does someone become your significant other?  I think when you are dating/seeing each other exclusively.  The ‘talk’ has been had that you want to only see one another.  And it begins feeling like a ‘relationship’…on a boyfriend/girlfriend type level.  To me calling someone a significant other and being exclusive go hand in hand.

This may just be me….  Interested in what others have to say on this.  Give Gigi your advice!

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

According an article: More than half of men are taking Viagra and 80% keep it a secret from their significant other…
Should he have to share that with you? What would you do if you found out he did?

I guess, IMO, I would hope the person I’m having sex with feels comfortable and confident enough in me…in us…that he felt he could be honest with me.  That this would be something we could discuss, he would want to share with me.  But it wouldn’t be like a deal breaker if I discovered they were and I didn’t know about it.  There are far more important things in a relationship that I think DO need to be discussed…shared.  Birth control?  YES.  STDs?  YES.  Other people they might be sleeping with?  YES.  I mean…it’s not like I tell a guy I’m seeing right out of the gate that…oh yeah, I take hormones so that I’m not a pyschotic, crazy head case of a bitch bc of the EBA I had last spring. Um…  *ahem*  Yeah.  *LOL* 

I guess for me it would go back to the fact that I would hope they’d want to share that with me.  Especially if we are referring to each other as our ‘significant other’.  That to me means a serious relationship and yeah, I would expect to have that kind of information shared with me.  As well as by that point in the relationship, I would have made it known about my procedure(s) and medications I was taking, etc.  I just feel you become open by that point in a relationship.  About everything.  (and granted…I am a plethora of honesty when it comes to people I’m close to…um  (((them))) -haha)

Am I so far off?  Seems keeping secrets from your S/O can leave them feeling betrayed if the truth is discovered.  It would make me wonder why they felt the need to keep a secret from me. Which…actually I guess might hurt my feelings.  BUT…people have the right to some privacy in their lives, no?

Just where should couples draw the line between total self-disclosure and a bit of personal privacy???

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

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~ xo

Vixen

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Robert Pattinson gave Kristen Stewart a $17,000 promise ring.  It’s not an engagement ring… What is the purpose of a promise ring as an adult????

In High School girls would get them from their boyfriends.  Because obviously a teenage boy isn’t going to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring…that would be….inappropriate (IMO).  But as an adult???  Isn’t that pretty much like a dog peeing on it’s territory, claiming something as theirs…but um, not wanting to keep it forever.  Kind of like… “I promise to love you and be with you….for now”.  *snort*

(vi.sualize.us)

What do you think???  Girls…would you be offended if your guy gave you a promise ring instead of an engagement ring??  Guys…is this something you would consider doing?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

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~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Angel has a good friend who adores her…is constantly telling her she’s beautiful, how amazing she thinks she is, etc.  Both women are straight but it really bothers Angels boyfriend.  He thinks the doting and gushing on Angel by the friend is her being hit on and that the friend is in love with her.  He has pretty much hinted that he thinks they should stop being friends… 

Angel has known the friend longer than she’s been with her boyfriend.  She doesn’t want to end the friendship.  But now that it’s bothering her boyfriend so much, she’s feeling awkward with the attention her friend is showering on her.

She wants to know if she should end the friendship, confront the friend…..if the friend is in love with her, can they remain friends?

The first thing that comes to mind is of the boyfriend…insecure much?! I mean gah….seriously, you’re going to be jealous of your girlfriend being complimented by one of her good friends???  His girlfriend loves him, is WITH him.  I think he has some issues he needs to address about himself and their relationship.  Nothing bothers me more than jealous and insecure behavior.  Blech.

If the attention Angel’s friend is giving her is honestly making her uncomfortable (not the boyfriend…if the only reason she is uncomfortable is because of the boyfriend then she needs to leave her friend out of it….otherwise she’s just causing drama in an arena that it doesn’t belong in- address THOSE ISSUES with the boyfriend) then she should talk with her friend.  Let her know.  It’s sketchy to me that it only began bothering Angel after her boyfriend mentioned it though.

But to address the other question….so what if the friend is in love with her???  I don’t think Angel should let it deter her from remaining friends with someone.  I don’t know..I think everything was muddled up by the insecure boyfriend.  *shaking head*

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

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~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

On my radio station last week a guy called in seeking advice.  He met a woman through work, they’ve become close friends over the last three years.  He’s dated other women and none of them ever come close to comparing to his close friend. He believes he’s found the woman of his dreams and is truly in love with her.  The problem?  She’s married.  AND has no idea how he feels about her.

He’s not sure what he should do.  He *loves* her, is positive she is THE ONE.  He really cares about her though and is not wanting to turn her life upside down or ruin their friendship.

The majority of the people who called in to offer him advice agreed he should tell her.  Let her know how he feels.  That if he doesn’t, he’ll never know if she might feel the same way.  That “The heart wants what the heart wants” and there is no control over that.  What if this IS his ‘one true love’ and she feels the same way but because he never says anything….well….  So, what does he do???

Have you ever been in love with a married friend?  How did you deal with it?  Should he say anything to his friend??? 

This happened one time to me….’ish’.  In my early twenties.  I realized I had a huge crush on a close friend of my ‘then’ boyfriend (exH).  I kept it to myself.  One drunken night he revealed to me that he had fallen in love with me.  We both pretended the next day that he hadn’t admitted it. Finally, eventually, we talked about it and agreed our friendship with each other, his with my exH, and overall…not a good thing.  Everything else was more important than rocking the boat to find out ‘what if’.  But honestly, to this day, I wonder.  Obviously things with my exH went way south, and it’s hard not to think…well what if we *had* explored options????  But I don’t live my life by ‘woulda/shoulda/coulda’….regrets are a waste of time.  But I have to say, if I were him, I think he should try to broach the subject with her.  My humble opinion……

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Two girls, best friends.  The first has a guy she’s been crushing on for a long time now.  The other has known about her best friends crush…since always.  The girl goes out of town and when she returns finds out that her best friend has hooked up with her crush several times while she was gone.

She’s pissed at her best friend. But the friend says she can’t be mad because they weren’t dating.  Is the friend overreacting???  Was some kind of a friend code broken?

NO the friend isn’t overreacting!  And YES!!!!  Not ok!  You don’t go after the guy your supposed to be best friend is into!  It doesn’t matter that they weren’t dating.  The friend made it clear SHE liked him, had a crush on him.  That would upset me and really hurt my feelings to find out my *best friend* had gone after someone I had made clear I liked!  It would be awfully difficult to not feel betrayed I think.  Friend code broken FOR. SURE.

Tell me what you think???

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

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~ xo

Vixen