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This topic came up on my radio station…

Her husband has given her permission to cheat.  When they married she had been a virgin and was very young, he on the other hand is a bit older than her and had been with quite a few women previously.  She’s been finding herself fantasizing about other men quite a bit lately.  She loves her husband very much, has no intentions of leaving him, she wants to be married with him.  But is curious.  He has offered her a 7 day “Hall Pass”.  She’s not sure if she should do it or not.

I was completely taken aback by the responses on the radio station.  People were throwing out things like he’s probably cheating on her already so she should leave him.  That HE should leave her for having these feelings.  They should just divorce because they obviously don’t love each other. 
*shaking head*

I guess I’m just a lot more open minded to think this could possibly work.  But I also believe there is nothing wrong with open marriages, swinging, being polyarmorous, etc.  Society has grown and with it different relationship dynamics and types.  I mean, you don’t want to do that in your relationship?  Fine.  So don’t.  *shrug*  But to belittle, berate and attack someone else for wanting to try something in theirs?  Shut the fuck up.  Seriously.  (sorry, nothing strikes a nerve more with me than people who are narrow minded and judgmental of others)

Now the question of if she should do this or not….  That’s not something I think anyone can answer except for her husband and her.  Is it playing with fire?  Possibly.  I commend her husband for being confident and secure enough in himself, her and their marriage to encourage her to do this  She needs to delve into her feelings, the stability of their relationship, they need to be pretty open and honest with each other about expectations, how the other is feeling, etc.  I think a lot of communication needs to happen before she decides to take advantage of his offer.

Thoughts?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Here is the jist-  She is married.  She likes to go out on her own, whether it be with friends or even just by herself.  Her husband is completely ok with this.  There are occasions that a guy will buy her a drink.  Sometimes it even results in conversation.  Innocent conversation.  The guy she was telling this too was giving her a lot of shit,

Somehow the topic came up while at dinner with a mutual friend of the couples (who is male), he felt it was completely inappropriate for a married woman to accept drinks from someone while out.  That it gave the wrong impression.  (Not that I’m going down this road, but I’m fairly sure the guy probably also felt it was inappropriate for her to even be out with out her husband *rolling eyes* but we’re not going there.) 

The woman tried to argue her stance, that accepting a drink from someone…isn’t an open invite to take her home.  Why can’t a guy buy a girl a drink?  Or the other way around?  Possibly she’s being hit on, it could be viewed as a flirtatious advance, or maybe he’s just being nice to her.  But if the buyer of the drink tries to advance further, she can politely decline- thanks but I’m married/seeing someone/whatever.

Is it inappropriate for a married woman to accept drinks from someone while out?  Does it give the wrong impression?  Is the married person crossing the line?

Wanna know my answer? 
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!  Hello, the 1950′s called and they want their stuffy morals back. 

I mean seriously, it’s the year 2011, I’m pretty damn sure we can all buy one another drinks and NOT have to end up in bed together.  Actually, when my weekly Friday night routine was club hopping with my girlfriends ~thirteen years ago~ that it was ok then too.  I’m just relieved the girl is married to her husband rather than that other guy who would probably prefer she never leave their home much less remove her apron.  *rolling eyes*

So um….can I buy you a drink?  *wink*

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

~Buffy The Vampire Slayer
(this quote cracks me up, one of my favorites from the series)

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

He has a 14yro daughter and her BFF is bi.  And because of that he won’t let his daughter have sleepovers with her.  He says he wouldn’t let a boy sleep over, so not her either.  His daughter is calling him a ‘homophobe’. 

I think he’s being ridiculous.  I’m having a difficult time even wrapping my mind around this in order to lay out my thoughts.

First off.  Young people experiment.  When I mentioned this CQW to PC he brought to my attention that not all pre-teens were like me and my friends.  Ok. Point taken.  My friends and I from a very early age began experimenting with each other.  Not one of us thought anything of it.  *shrug*  Of all of my friends I am the only one who later realized I was a lesbian (and later on, the reality that what I really was was probably bi….unless you go back to my sexual fluidity post that I just like who I’m attracted to…. FOCUS!).  We were experimenting not sexually active, not trying to turn each other ‘gay’, we weren’t doing anything ‘wrong’ or anything out of the ordinary.  Maybe my friends and I were being more ‘curious’ than some others.  But I don’t really believe that’s true.

This fathers attitude perturbs me a bit in that his way of thinking seems to be that people who are bi/gay are out to ‘turn everyone’….to have sexual experiences with everyone they meet.  So apparently to him people who are bi or gay are more promiscuous????  Oh and untrustworthy.  Also, I hate to break it to him, but if they were to have something going on between them beyond a friendship, keeping them from having sleepovers together isn’t really preventing anything.  I mean hello….has he been fourteen before?!

The idea as a parent is to teach your children your values and expectations.  Impress upon them these things.  And then hope as they mature into young adults that you have done a good enough job that they have listened and learned.  Sure you can eliminate temptations but restricting a specific friendship because of who or what they like bothers me.  Restricting his daughter from having sleepovers with her best friend is sending a bad message, in my opinion.  And quite honestly, if I were the parents of the bi BFF I would be pissed.

What do you think?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Should you have to give up a friend(s) because your significant other doesn’t like them?  Does that relationship take precedence over the already established friendship?

Ben’s best friend for over ten years is Katie.  They became friends in college, gave dating a try but both realized they were better off as friends.  They text each other through out the day, hang out and frequently do things together.

Ben began dating Amy about 6 months ago, they became exclusive 4 months ago.  Amy doesn’t like Katie, the relationship Ben has with her or the amount of time they spend together.  She has confronted Ben that she is worried Katie is wanting ‘more’ from the relationship and told him she doesn’t want them to be friends anymore.  Ben is pissed she’s asking him to end a friendship with someone he was friends with years before Amy came into his life.  He’s assured her that she has nothing to worry about.  Especially considering him and Katie already tried the relationship thing and know it doesn’t work.

So….what do you think?  Should he end his friendship to make Katie happy?

In my opinion….. Insecure much?
This bothers me.  She met him and knew his best friend was a female.  She also knew they at one time dated.  It didn’t bother her then.  But what, she swoops in and after 6months when she feels nice and serious about him, decides to rearrange his life so that it suits her and how she wants it to be/him to be?  Grrrrr……

Next.  I say he finds a girlfriend that isn’t out to change things about him.  Because what…first she doesn’t like his friends and wants them out of the picture?  Then she doesn’t like him going anywhere with out her….  *Blech* Insecurity is a pretty huge turn off.

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Can you have a FWB relationship with an ex?

They previously dated, were in a serious relationship, broke up.  Have remained friends and now, sometime later have become FWB.  She is worried one of them (probably more so her) will develop feelings again and doesn’t want that to happen.  There was a good reason they broke up in the first place.  They did not do well as a ‘couple’ in a relationship but the sex is fabulous.

Is she playing with fire by continuing the ‘benefits’ aspect of their friendship?

BTDT.  For me, personally, it made me realize -again- WHY I didn’t want to be with that person anymore.  BUT.  Fabulous sex is well….fabulous.  Right?  And when it’s with someone you are already comfortable with.  That’s yet another bonus, that in my opinion, makes sex even better.  I do think you run into a small risk of re-developing feelings for that person.  But I think when you have any friend with benefits relationship, that can happen. 

Is it possible to be “friends with benefits” with someone you’ve had a
past relationship with and once had very strong feelings for? Can you
separate the emotions, or is this playing with fire?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

This week is a bit less ‘controversial’ than normal weeks, but they emailed the question.  So I’m posing it to you all.

Biff and his girlfriend are going on a romantic get away this weekend.  He wants to surprise her with lingerie.  The problem is he doesn’t know what size she wears and isn’t sure if he should guess big or small.  They don’t live together so he can’t sneak a peek at what she already owns.  He’s afraid if he guesses wrong she’ll be offended or have her feelings hurt. 

So which is better?  Going too big or too small?  If you were to receive lingerie, would you prefer to be given the wrong size too big or too small?

First of all, since he’s running out of time, if I were him, I would try really super hard to get into her pants between now and then.  Literally. (haha)  Try whatever means to sneak a peek at her size.  If that doesn’t work, then find a lingerie store where the sales people are friendly and able to offer good advice (ie…Victoria’s Secret as opposed to a JC Penny’s, kwim?).  The fortunate thing about many lingerie items, is that they are adjustable, fairly forgiving and their sizing can be somewhat ‘general’.

All that said.  If it were me, I’d much rather be given something too small to try to fit/work than something too big.  Lingerie that is baggy or too big is just not sexy.  I feel as if something too small can be made to fit for the time necessary.  Because, let’s be honest….lingerie isn’t meant to be worn for very long!  If so, you’re not doing it right… *wink*

(vi.sualize.us)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

Jenny was out on New Years Eve with her boyfriend at a bar.  She was hit on by another guy several times.  Her boyfriend didn’t take much notice or do anything about it- and it really bothered her.  When she mentioned it to him later, he brushed it off and told her he’s happy other guys think she’s hot.  She wanted him to defend her though, to let this guy know, other guys know, that she’s HIS.  She doesn’t think this is a lot to ask for.

My opinion?  I think she’s being ridiculous. Coming from a past relationship where if another person even looked in my direction he would go ape shit and start a fight with them (verbal and/or physical) then turn around and blame *me* for prompting the attention by what I was wearing/how I was standing/the way I breathed [insert anything completely ridiculous]…..  I think Jenny is on crack.  What it sounds like to me is that she wishes she HAD a jealous boyfriend (?!?!?).  I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard of someone wishing for this.  Possibly I should hook her up with one of my ex’s!  Ok, in all seriousness, I have been on the opposite end of this situation.  I think she should feel extremely lucky that she has found a guy who is secure enough with himself and their relationship that it doesn’t bother him to have someone hit on her.  I personally find jealous behavior a huge, huge turn off.  If the guy were *bugging* her and wouldn’t leave her alone after she’d made it clear she wanted him to- then yes, that is a different situation and he should come to her aide.  (BFD had to do this for me one night in Vegas at Coyote Ugly…*grins*….)

What do you think?  Do you have advice for her?  Should be upset about this???

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

He met a girl at a bar, they ended up going home together and having fabulous sex.  They exchanged numbers and have been texting with one another.

He really likes this girl and would like to pursue it further.

Here’s the snag.  He can’t remember her name.  (DOH)  He’s not really sure how to go about finding out her name.  Because they’ve been texting back and forth he feels like the time to ask her has past.  Really he feels like- there never was a good time to re-ask her what it was.  Whatever he says to her is going to very possibly make him sound like a schmuck… who she wouldn’t want to see again anyways.

What does he do????  Any ideas?

I’m hoping someone can help him out because I have no clue what advice to give him!  I hope to never be in this predicament! (snort)

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen

Ok seriously.

OMFG.

HOT.

(tumblr)

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

‘Tis the season for gift giving.  And it always comes up in some fashion- the appropriateness of who you give gifts to and what they are.  Awhile back I discussed in a CQW about ex’s exchanging gifts and under what circumstances it was or wasn’t ok.  So this is a bit similar but different.

Joe’s company does a gift exchange each year.  Each person is given the name of the person they are supposed to buy for.  Then at the company Christmas party everyone receives their gifts.  Joe was given a custom tailored beautiful/sexy shirt by a female co-worker.  It’s clearly expensively made.  His wife Karen is upset.  The shirt fits Joe perfectly and Karen is curious/confused as to how the female co-worker would know her husband’s exact size.  She feels this was an inappropriate gift and has asked him to return it to her.  The entire scenario makes Karen super uncomfortable.

Is Karen making too much of this or is he in the wrong for accepting it???

My view….
Is Karen making too much of this?  I don’t think so.  It would bother me that such an extravagant gift was given.  What would bother me even more is how exactly the female co-worker knew his correct size to have a shirt custom made.  That part is a bit odd to me.  Is he wrong for accepting it though?  No.  What was he supposed to do?  And Karen asking him to return it to the co-worker….what does that do?!  Joe can be gracious about the shirt as a gift but I think he’s now in a position to make sure he’s not sending this female mixed signals. 

Your thoughts?

*****

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

~ xo

Vixen