(vi.sualize.us)

I had a deep dark secret from my childhood slam me in the face on Sunday.  Hard.

At first I was taken off guard.  Shocked.  Surprised.  But then as the day wore on, into the night and then the next day….and the memories and emotions and feelings starting bubbling up and over.  Things I haven’t thought about or talked about in over twenty years.  And I felt myself suffocating from anxiety, of being overwhelmed…

(vi.sualize.us)

And I shared some of this information with someone close to me.  But then walked away feeling overly exposed and very, very raw.  Worrying.  Regretting.  Obsessing.

My sister pointed something out to me.  That was rather eye opening.  I am a very open person.  But I am very open about things that I am comfortable with.  Which is many/most things but that I have several boxes that I keep tightly closed, off limits, that I don’t share very openly about.  She said I was being unfair to myself.  And that maybe that is where ‘these feelings’ were coming from…

Have I mentioned how much I *heart* my sister? 

(vi.sualize.us)

PC came home mid day, to be with me.  He brought lunch from a new sandwich shop I’d been wanting to try…knowing if he didn’t, I probably wouldn’t have eaten.  He didn’t have to come home.  But he did because he was worried and wanted to be with me.  I was able to shut the buzz of my thoughts down long enough to rest.  Something I struggle with…

Have I mentioned how much I *heart* my husband?

(vi.sualize.us)

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TFT is up.

Would love to have you contribute  ANYONE can…just snap and send. Send.

******

~ xo

Vixen

Friday Favorites-

Topaz…..as I told her earlier, this causes my mind to reel.  The bit of long hair, the necklaces, the wisp of material covering, that ‘sweet’ spot her cleavage creates, ok yes, and the FRISKY ink….sensory overload.  And in a good way.

The Reluctant Princess…..wine.  bath.  bubbles.  She had me at hello, er um, her in the tub.  ~wink~

Barefoot Dreamer….. and NO it’s not just bc seeing her texts/IMs/FBmsgs, etc give me butterflies and draw up thoughts of pushing her back up against a wall in a dark corner and doing very bad things to her….her photography and pictures are amazing

If you haven’t done so already- hit the girls up!
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Who would have thought my kiddos going back to school would actually cause me to be busier than I was when they were out.  Good lord, the blur of craziness the last couple week have been for me!  I think I might catch a break the middle of next week and actually be able to breathe again.  Part of the issue is that the HUGE children consignment sale that comes twice a year happened to fall the week after school resumed.  I always consign/participate and it’s a ridiculous amount of work.  But thankfully, always pays off, making it worthwhile.  Add in the mix, two separate parent nights (one for each kiddo), a very pregnant Daisy dog, household upkeep, a self created To-Do list….  Honestly.  The last two weeks have been such a blur I don’t even know what day it is barely.

Anyway.  Speaking of parent night. I have mentioned my kids school PTA in previous posts.  We live in a tiny town.  They dynamics of our PTA is….um….well, reminds me of high school.  A group of cliquey, catty, snarky women.  There are those that are PTA moms and then those of us that ‘are not’.  And it’s a very clear line.  At first I tried to pretend it was in my head.  But uh, no.  I could give you scenario after scenario.  Whatever.  It’s a whatever.   *rolling eyes*  I just do my thing and pretend to play nicey nice to get by.  I enjoy volunteering at the school, in the classrooms and I’m not going to let wanna be high school girls trying to re-enact the movie Heathers fuck that up. 

So the first night went down drama free, with out incident (other than the usual BS).

The second night however…  Whoa. I have officially met the. biggest. asshat. EVER.  From the beginning of the evening the man (father of some poor child) was a complete ass- being belligerent, rude, highly inappropriate and quite obviously had a massive chip on his shoulder regarding….  teachers?  parents?  schools?  school systems in general?  the human race????  I couldn’t even begin to recount what took place but a mini-riot ensued.  Seriously.  It was insane.  I do not handle confrontation well at all and my anxiety was through the roof.  I pity not only the child of that person but also the poor, poor teacher that will have to deal with that parent for the entire school year.  Gah….

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So there you go.  It’s Friday!  Time to decompress and let loose.

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~ xo

Vixen

~Winston Churchill

Last week I was made aware of incredibly tragic, heartbreaking news. It has sat with me heavily.  Please click the button, it will take you to the original post providing more details about what has happened and how you can help out if you are so inclined.

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Friday Favorites-

Some new ones this week!  It’s always fun to see some awesome bloggers I haven’t featured before.  As always, if you haven’t already, hit them up.  Show them some love!

The Secretive Writer.….

Cande…Secret Diary of an Online Stripper…..

Scintillectual…..


Chris…Three Curious Monkeys….

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The kiddos go back to school next week.  I had fabulous plans of spending a few more days soaking up some sun before the pool closed (sun goddess—>ME), had promised them a day at the water park in Six Flags, the splash pad at the park….  All of which were thrown out the window when LP continued to spike a fever between 100-103 (plus…), wavering between the appearance of death smeared on toast and being backed over (several times) by a Mack truck.  The poor thing had been sick since the previous week.  Just when I thought she was perking up, her fever would spike and she’d visibly go down hill again.  A trip to the Dr…..she has pneumonia.  Hell of a way to spend your last hoorah before going back to school.  The ladies in the Dr’s office were perplexed to see things like the stomach flu and pneumonia during the summer months (both of which my children have been plagued with this summer).  So while one child was incredibly sick.  The other grew incredibly bored bouncing off the walls with more and more ants in his pants (which I can’t blame him, I don’t do well day in and day out sitting at home, I am my ‘best’ on the go with little down time).

Fun times my friends…..not.

We also had a fun filled weekend with friends that we’ve had to cancel. 

*POUT*

(Side note- I did just find out our pool is ‘extending their weekend hours through Sept 30′…that’s exciting news!  *giddy* Hey!  It’s the little things!)

Also. Is it too late to start counting down to my birthday weekend?  Or um…Vegas?  Don’t be surprised if you see a counter go up in my side bar.  Soon. I am that excited!

*remember…..free spirit….hate to be cooped up*

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Well.  Happy Friday!!!

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~ xo

Vixen

Friday Favorites-

Check out the girls below.  HOT HOT HOT!!!

Emmy…Right Turn With Out Signaling…..my two favorite things.  I mean seriously!

Barefoot Dreamer…..you’d all be jealous if I told you that I had a preview to this shot.  Huh?  So um, you wouldn’t be too surprised if I told you all that I immediately made it the wallpaper on my BB.  Right?  Wha???  *wink*

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The stars have all aligned for me recently.  Things are so perfectly perfect feeling. 

Friday morning I am leaving for a short weekend to Roxy-ville.  It will most likely be my last visit out there for awhile.  This is the time of year she becomes a slave to her job and will be busy, busy, busy.  As if it won’t be bad enough I can’t see her, she’ll be so busy days will go by that I probably won’t even be able to talk to her.  *humpf*  But wait, back to the happy part *giggle*.  And hey, her and Quicksilver are, after all, coming out for my birthday next month to see if we can top last years crazy fun.  Coyote Ugly has possibly recovered from the five us by now.  *wink*

All the necessary arrangements have been finalized for my girls trip this fall to the city that never sleeps (hint, hint).  I’m completely GIDDY with excitement.  And having everything set in stone makes it feel….real!

And.  AND…  I had a sleep over date with Ashton (aka Tall Glass of Yummy).  We haven’t seen each other since the middle of June.  Life gets in the way of fun sometimes (pout).  What can you do, ya know?  It was um, nice (*huge grins*) to spend some time together again. (and don’t think that PC didn’t reap some benefits from it either….*wink*)

Speaking of…  PC and I are doing amazing.  We hit a bit of a rough patch of sorts a bit ago, did some stumbling but are back on track.  Actually better than back on track, we might be doing the best we have been.  We’ve discovered our nitch- which makes us both super happy and we’re having some fabulous fun.

I’m just in a very good place and it all makes me sigh happily.  Love. that!

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Anywho.  Have a fantabulous weekend!

I leave you with two ‘not so great-but oh so funny’ pics from my last trip to see Roxy over the 4th of July, debaucherizing the Os Shirt.  Which, um, I think I saw being packed somewhere.  Hmmm….. *wink*

(Yes that is my bikini top AND hat on Quicksilver, yes that means I’m not wearing anything under the Os shirt and yes….Roxy’s got her hands full with that hubby of hers *snort*)

~ xo

Vixen

Friday Favorites-

Click the pics and hit the girls up!

Kink Unleashed…Elle….. (remember that HNT idea I showed you for her last week?  Well, she complied….  *grins*)

The birthday girl herself….Barefoot Dreamer… (and NO, it had NOTHING to do with the fact it’s her birthday, but more to the fact that this picture is so hot I made it my screen saver- kidding not really)

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Things are starting to come together for me…  In my head I mean.  Reaching a calm.

I’m a free spirit.

I hate to be told what I can and can not do.  I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  I can be rebellious because of this.

I suck at change.  I don’t make decisions.  I shy away from making them.  I can fly by the seat of my pants when it suits me.  When it doesn’t feel ‘threatening’.  But I want to be able to say- no way.

I realize I can be difficult to love.

I’m truly grateful for my friends.  For putting up with me.  They are amazing.  Even when I close them out.

And my husband.  For what he puts up with and how hard he’s trying.

Life.  It’s amazing.  No matter how difficult the curve balls that are thrown at you.  You know?

~ xo

Vixen

(click the button for more info, email me if you have any great ideas for a topic, I’d love to hear from you!)

A couple has been dating since high school.  They are both in their twenties now.  They have a great relationship and really don’t have any problems.  But recently he has been wondering if they should take a break to experience LIFE, other things.  He doesn’t want to leave her or neccessarily be with other people.  He just worries that if he doesn’t do this now, he will wonder and regret it later in life.

She is devastated.  She is in love with him and knows he is *THE ONE* and had hoped/planned on marrying him.  She thinks if he is having thoughts like this, that they shouldn’t be together at all- ever.  That he’s not the man he thought she thought he was.

Okay….  I have some experience with this AS WELL AS a fairly strong opinion.

I dated a guy from my freshman year of High School into the first part of my senior year (with several small break ups in between).  We discussed and had grand plans of ‘happily ever after’ when we graduated.  We were very serious.  We had a fabulous relationship…as far as high school/teenage relationships go.  He decided he wanted to experience more, see if the grass was greener on the other side.  We broke up.  I began going out with my friends, to parties, living it up (ok really, I had a bad case of Senoritis…) and as fate may have it, began dating the boy I had lost my virginity to (three years earlier) and had had a crush on since junior high.  Several months later the (ex) boyfriend came back.  Realizing he had made a mistake and wanted me back.  I had moved on.

We’ve remained friends over the years and he still, almost 20 years later, regrets that decision.  It’s the….what might have been.  I loved him.  I was sure at 18years old that I wanted to be with him.  But it was ‘teenage love’.  And honestly, I believe that was a healthy choice.

Now.  The guy I began dating next (the one I mentioned having lost my virginity to had the crush on since jr high).  We became serious.  I moved in with him and his family a few months later (extenuating issues at home).  Two years later he wanted to take a break.  He questioned us being together, his desire to experience *more*…  I fought for him.  For us.  HARD.  And in the end I gave up myself, what I wanted to do with my life, for what he wanted.  We lived his life.  His dreams.  I lost *ME* in the process.  We married…  And 16years later I realized how much I had sacrificed.   …was melancholy for the person I wished I were, longed to be.  He made me miserable.  We weren’t good together.  I’d given up all my own dreams to chase his.  He became someone I didn’t like, didn’t want to be with, was afraid of…controlling, abusive (discovering he had been cheating on me/having affairs the entire 16year relationship didn’t help much either).  And I was most definitely NOT the person he wanted to be with.  The break up was horrendous, I lived a nightmare in the process.  In hind sight…there were SO many warning signs.  From day ONE.  He was NOT the person I should have made so many sacrifices for.  Fought for.  Gave up everything for.  If I had stopped to actually look at the big picture, let him take the break he asked for, wanted. I might have SEEN this. 

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

— Mark Twain

So.  Long story short.  She may be hurt that he is wanting to take this break. But I honestly think it would be a GOOD idea.  Maybe he’s not the person she thought he was.  Isn’t it better to find this out now?  And far better for him to think things through NOW, than 5, 10, 15 years down the line realize he missed out.  Let him take the break.  Do your own thing. LIVE your life.  And if later down the line you still want to be together- then so be it.  It was meant to be.

You only live once. 

Does taking a break mean the end?

*****

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~ xo

Vixen

Things change.

I’ve been mulling over a bunch of things. It’s funny that this time last week I was an anxious mess.  So many…‘issues’ were laying heavily on me.  Finally things became too much, PC and I talked them out, made some changes and I think we both walked away feeling much better about the new ‘game plan’ (mainly concerning summer plans that were beginning to overwhelm us both).  So come Monday night…I was sighing heavily with relief (while drinking several margaritas at my favorite place) because so many things had been lifted off my mind, making it possible to breathe again.  Finally able to rid myself of that tightness in my chest that was making it impossible to breathe.

And then *just. like. that*….a variable changed.  As things became simpler for me, they became overwhelmingly more complicated for this other person.  One having nothing to do with the other.  Just timing.

I’m a bit melancholy over these changes.  I have had moments where I was utterly obsessed with the how, the why and whether things could have been done differently.  But I understand.  And such is life. It changes.

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Friday Favorites-

Cheeky Minx…Love Hate Sex Cake…..


Janie…100 Ways to be Perverse in the Library…..

*Remember to click on the links and hit these girls up* Thumbnails are only meant to serve as teasers!

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Man this week has been completely insane…a discombobulated mess.  The holiday…being on summer break.  Still getting into the swing of things.  You watch, right when that happens and we get all comfortable, it will be time for school to be back!  Ha!

TGIF!!!

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~ xo

Vixen