When I catch my breath, you're what I breathe....

~ xo Vixen

Love....sweet love...

Happy Valentine's Day!

~ xo Vixen

The best smell in the world is the man that you love.... ~ xo Vixen

It's 5 A.M. I can feel you against me.  I roll over to snuggle into you, your hand sleepily finds my hip, pulling me tight against you.  My legs wrapped between yours the way they fit so perfectly...so comfortably.  As I bury myself into your back I breathe you in....the intoxicating mixture of deodorant and soap... you.  I love you. All those years ago I met you.  2 years ago today I fell in love with you. In 3 years I'm going to love you.  8 years, 2 days and 6 minutes, I will love you.  When I'm 70 years old and sitting on our porch in a big white house on a lake, I will love you. 

I just pray you are there for all the time I will love you. ~ xo Vixen

I've been stressed.  And sick...(like for fucking weeks) with a cough that kept me up for nights on end.  So I was also exhausted.  The little sleep I was able to get were plagued with high anxiety, weird dreams and nightmares.   And it all was causing me to be very, very overwhelmed.  I don't cope well with, well...anything when I get to feeling like that.  Like, at all.  Add in hormones to a girl who already battles depression and what you have... *sigh*  Well, is a fucking hot mess.  Unfortunately when this happens I go numb, withdraw and just. shut. down. And I did.  I shut everyone out including SM.  We both knew the holidays would be difficult for me.  I've never once spent a Christmas away from my family.  My sister is one of my very best friends.  I miss her.  Our life is not easy here in Amish Country.  SM keeps an insane work schedule, spends over 4 hours a day driving.  We've gotten a ridiculous amount of snow and each of us has spent hours shoveling to try to keep up with it.  I know SM had prepared himself for how I may (or may not) handle it all.  I thought I had too.  But I guess maybe neither of us knew how bad I might get.  And it scared him.  He wanted to fix it...make me better.  It caused him to become distraught and worry about me, my happiness... everything.  What do you do when your best friend withdraws?  Won't talk to you?  Explain.  Try to explain what is going on.  Let him know that....no, it's not him...or us...or anything he's done or could do differently.  But fuck, that's the thing...while I'm in the midst of these episodes, I can't...  I don't know how to.  I don't know how to do...be.. anything.  SIGH ...except sad and numb. So he begins doubting my happiness with him, with our life.  Doubting my ability to handle our lives changing so dramatically, being so far away from my family and friends. I'm feeling ~some~ better now.  At least better able to cope. Thankfuckinggod.  We spent an entire day last wkend cuddled in bed together.  Talking.  Touching.  Kissing.  Reconnecting.  Getting back to feeling like 'us' after over a week of....not.  Despite the stress, the worries of some of the day to day BS, I truly am the happiest I've ever been.  In the healthiest, best relationship I've ever been in with someone who's amazing.  Who continues to amaze me more and more each day  by just how much he cares about me...for me.  And...sigh... somehow, despite all my baggage, he thinks I'm amazing. ~ xo Vixen

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We'd become friends so many years ago.  Always at different points in our lives.  Him in a serious relationship.  Me not.  Him single.  Me not.  I got married.  He got married.  Time passes.  He wasn't supposed to mean as much to me as he did. 

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She's found the man of her dreams.   They are young and in love.  She's pretty sure he's going to propose in the near future.  Her dreams come true!

Except.

Although.

He was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the prognosis is very grim.  It's hit them both extremely hard.  He has basically told her his dying wish is for them to be married.  She has mixed emotions about this.  She is worried about the stress planning a wedding will put on him.  But also, as selfish as it sounds, she doesn't want to be made a widow as such a young age. 

Should she be honest with him and tell him this and either turn down his proposal or even discuss this with him before he asks her?  Or basically, take into account his dying wish and do what makes him happy?

I guess my feelings on this is that, why wouldn't she marry him?  She loves him.  They are in love.  It's perfectly awful that he's been diagnosed with cancer.  They are only experiencing the cusp of heartache in store.  But is she going to leave him because he has cancer?  She has said no.  It's not like there's this horrible stigma attached to being a widower....  I don't understand her reasoning.  No one wants to be a widow.  But it almost feels like she's more upset about being called a widow at some point, then the circumstances around her becoming a widow.  It's his dying wish and I just don't understand her perspective as to why she wouldn't want to do that for him.  Give him that.

A different perspective I guess (that someone else has brought up) is...rather than ask him to marry him, maybe he should 'set her free'.  Give her an out.  Don't make her sit by him, as he suffers.

Thoughts?

*****

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There's this girl Laney.  She's had a crush on a guy at her work FOREVER.  He's amazing, effects of MOTRIN, About MOTRIN, they've been flirting for a long time and really seem to click.  The problem (for her) is he always seems to have a girlfriend.  She finally 'gave up the dream' that he'd ever be single and ask her out, so she started dating another guy.  They've been dating about two months and things seem to be going really well so far.

Here's the problem though.  The guy she's been crushing on forever finally asked her out.  She's ecstatic and wants to say yes....  She doesn't know what to do.  She would feel badly ditching the guy she's seeing currently.  What if she were to break it off with him, buy MOTRIN online cod, Comprar en línea MOTRIN, comprar MOTRIN baratos, date her crush and realize it wasn't what she hoped it would be?  But at the same time worries, if she doesn't see where things go with this other man she'll always wonder 'what if'???

Should she ruin a perfectly good relationship?  Should she go for the crush or stay with who she is with now?

Um....  I tend to be the 'play it safe' girl.  And I would probably stick with the guy I was dating and see where that goes.  I know this from experience.  That this is what I would do.  I'm not huge on taking chances.  I've become a lot more spontaneous over the years, MOTRIN street price, MOTRIN description, but taking huge chances and changes...not so much.  I guess honestly, it depends on how serious things are with the guy she's dating and calling her boyfriend.  If they were exclusive, buy MOTRIN without a prescription, Purchase MOTRIN online, then yeah, her accepting a date with someone else (with out his approval) would seem wrong.  But again, buy MOTRIN without prescription, MOTRIN steet value, I'm not the best person to give advice on this topic though, I don't think....

Your thoughts/advice?

*****

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******

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Things go unsaid.  Actions don't go as far as they should.  She thinks they are.  But she really isn't.....not effectively enough.  Feelings are discussed.  One feels they are being dismissed.  The other feels overwhelmed at the thought she has let things get to this point.  The point where the person she loves is unhappy, feeling insecure, VALTREX alternatives, No prescription VALTREX online, left out, not enough.  Ten days apart leaves...holes.  In what they usually find comfort in, what is VALTREX, Cheap VALTREX no rx, with one another.

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~ xo

Vixen

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