Melancholy....

...is as seductive as Ecstasy.

~Mason Cooley

~ xo Vixen

"Keep your face to the sun... and you will never see the shadows.”

~Helen Keller ~ xo Vixen

They slipped briskly into an intimacy...

...from which they never recovered.

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

~ xo Vixen

In that moment he needed to consume her...

...fill her...to mark her as his.

Just as she needed to open herself to him, to be desired, taken....

...owned.

~ xo Vixen

When I catch my breath, you're what I breathe....

~ xo Vixen

Time stands still Beauty in all she is I will be brave I will not let anything take away What's standing in front of me Every breath Every hour has come to this One step closer Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you for a thousand years I love you for a thousand more One step closer I have died everyday waiting for you

And all along I believed I would find you Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you for a thousand years I love you for a thousand more

~ xo Vixen

The best smell in the world is the man that you love.... ~ xo Vixen

I can follow your soul in the curve and swerve of your skin as my fingertips trace the flow of your blood

through limbs so warm and soft and fragrant that I barely ( rarely ) complete the tracery

for I must breathe and I dare not while touching you

for fear that so heavy is my soul that you would blow away like dandelion seeds on the winds of twilight which is when I most desire you.

~William F. Devault

~ xo Vixen

I've been stressed.  And sick...(like for fucking weeks) with a cough that kept me up for nights on end.  So I was also exhausted.  The little sleep I was able to get were plagued with high anxiety, weird dreams and nightmares.   And it all was causing me to be very, very overwhelmed.  I don't cope well with, well...anything when I get to feeling like that.  Like, at all.  Add in hormones to a girl who already battles depression and what you have... *sigh*  Well, is a fucking hot mess.  Unfortunately when this happens I go numb, withdraw and just. shut. down. And I did.  I shut everyone out including SM.  We both knew the holidays would be difficult for me.  I've never once spent a Christmas away from my family.  My sister is one of my very best friends.  I miss her.  Our life is not easy here in Amish Country.  SM keeps an insane work schedule, spends over 4 hours a day driving.  We've gotten a ridiculous amount of snow and each of us has spent hours shoveling to try to keep up with it.  I know SM had prepared himself for how I may (or may not) handle it all.  I thought I had too.  But I guess maybe neither of us knew how bad I might get.  And it scared him.  He wanted to fix it...make me better.  It caused him to become distraught and worry about me, my happiness... everything.  What do you do when your best friend withdraws?  Won't talk to you?  Explain.  Try to explain what is going on.  Let him know that....no, it's not him...or us...or anything he's done or could do differently.  But fuck, that's the thing...while I'm in the midst of these episodes, I can't...  I don't know how to.  I don't know how to do...be.. anything.  SIGH ...except sad and numb. So he begins doubting my happiness with him, with our life.  Doubting my ability to handle our lives changing so dramatically, being so far away from my family and friends. I'm feeling ~some~ better now.  At least better able to cope. Thankfuckinggod.  We spent an entire day last wkend cuddled in bed together.  Talking.  Touching.  Kissing.  Reconnecting.  Getting back to feeling like 'us' after over a week of....not.  Despite the stress, the worries of some of the day to day BS, I truly am the happiest I've ever been.  In the healthiest, best relationship I've ever been in with someone who's amazing.  Who continues to amaze me more and more each day  by just how much he cares about me...for me.  And...sigh... somehow, despite all my baggage, he thinks I'm amazing. ~ xo Vixen

Make love to me....  I whisper in your ear. I want  to feel you inside me. Pushing. Your weight on me. I want to feel that intense connection we share...we have. Your breathe in my ear...against my neck. My nails across your back.  Digging into your skin. Biting your shoulder...your neck. My breath catching with each thrust.  Gasp...  Moan... As you push harder.  Deeper. Yes.... I gasp...my back arches...pushing into you. My lips against your ear... Cum for me.  I want to feel you cum. And I feel your thrusts become deeper. Your breath quicken. I know...I just do...that you are....right.there.  Because I am that in tune with you...with your reactions...your body. ....please.  I beg.  And then I know you are.... I can feel that you are.  Your moans...gasps....the rapidness of your breathing.  My body quivers underneath yours.  Aftershocks... As your lips find mine... The passion we share is amazing....incredible...indescribable. . .. .... ~ xo Vixen